It’s a phone call that Hanford police Officer John Henderson takes no pleasure in making — when he informs a parent that “Their teenage son is in jail, caught along with other gang members in a burglary.”

From experience, he knows the reaction to expect from most parents:

“That’s impossible! Our son would never do a thing like that and if he was involved something criminal, we would certainly have known it! You’ve got it wrong — it’s just not possible!

“But it’s the parents who have it wrong, because they haven’t known much about their kids for years. These parents don’t know who their kids are hanging out with and where they are at night, or they would have seen warning signs that trouble was only a matter of time.

“Children who come from a loving family, with lots of parental involvement, with structure  are not attracted by gangs because they already have what gangs give their young members: family, protection and affection, but at a price, at what can be a deadly price,” he cautions.

Obvious warning signs

Henderson points out that “strong indicators of trouble fall into several easily identifiable categories, odd clothing preferences by far the easiest to spot, followed by significant changes in behavior and a lack of interest in the things enjoyed before, such as sports.

“Is there a sudden change in their interests? For example, before they loved soccer, and now they hate the sport. How are they now with their family? If before, they were close and loving, but now wanting nothing to do with family, you’ve got to find out why, because experience shows this to be a sign that of a gang member in the making.

“Clothing is one of the most obvious factors. A lot of parents are naive or so busy that they won’t or can’t pay attention to what their children are wearing. So if your son is wearing the same colors, same thing every day, that would be odd and requires investigation by the parents.

“A number of solid colors are associated with many gangs. If, at age 13 or 14 you have a kid who refuses to wear blue or grey, you must find out why, as these are often colors of an opposing gang.

“On a school binder, look for certain letters to be crossed out which represent the name of an opposing gang. Have you seen numbers, initials or nicknames written in an Old English-style letters, or in handwriting that is difficult to read, or is similar to graffiti? If so, investigate.”

Privacy? Forget it!

“It is amazing how many parents fear going through their children’s backpack or desk and dresser drawers. Children need protection — from themselves. Items in or on their backpack often suggest that things aren’t right, for example, a change of clothing where they leave home dressed one way and then are going to change into the gang colors later that day.

“Look for the numbers 13 and 14 as well as an odd pattern of dots. These things should not be ignored.

“Kids can be very good at hiding items they do not want parents to find, so while they are at school, look in their desk, drawers, between the mattress and box-spring, any possible hiding place. If you find money, expensive electronics, anything which you know your child could never afford, this isn’t a bad dream. It is the beginning of a nightmare and you should speak with law enforcement for advice on how to proceed.”

Sudden fall in grades

“If there is a sudden fall in grades, while not evidence of gang membership by itself, it must be investigated. But when you are informed by the school that your son:

• Isn’t just disrespectful, but has become openly hostile, shouting at teachers:

• His grades are horrible;

• He is hanging around with some pretty bad kids.

“Then parents must get involved, and find out what is going on, for these are warning signs you cannot ignore. To do so only allows the situation to worsen,” Henderson maintains.

Spend time with your children

Henderson has seen a lot in his 12 years as a police officer. He knows what happens when parents are not involved in their kids’ lives. He concluded our interview with this message for families everywhere:

“Play with your children. Spend time with them. I get home at 7 p.m., but still play with my kids for an hour or so, until they go to bed. We watch ‘Dancing with the Stars’ and if my 3-year-old wants to dance for an hour, that’s what we do.

“That’s how you interact. That’s what keeps your children out of a gang.”

Dennis Beaver practices law in Bakersfield and enjoys hearing from his readers. Contact Dennis Beaver.

The post ‘My kid just can’t be involved with a gang — I would know, right?’ appeared first on Dennis Beaver.

There is a great benefit in having a family doctor and lawyer who build strong, lasting relationships, often with several generations of the same family.

The result is more personalized, effective health care and prompt access to legal representation.

However, there is one particular upsetting frustration that can be a matter of life or death — or the result can be seeing your nervous client walk into the office holding a lawsuit they were just served with.

The frustration? A delayed heads-up that something is amiss. For example, a patient who waits for months before saying, “Doc, I think something’s not right.”

Or the client who admits to having taken the law into their own hands — months ago — and is worried about the expensive consequences.

What’s going on?

Plumbing contractors “Kevin” and “Julie” have been our clients for over 30 years. With one exception, they have bounced any significant legal decision off of us. That exception happens when issues with their children — all adults — cause their blood to boil.

On a recent Saturday morning, they called. Agitated, Kevin explained, “Our daughter, ‘Sandy,’ and her jerk of a husband, ‘Seth,’ rented an apartment located in the rear of our house.

Both are on the rental agreement. They recently separated, but he briefly returned a few days ago to grab some of his things.

“We knew that he had a temper. However, today Sandy admitted he has been physically abusive, and she has a black eye to prove it. She is terrified of him returning.”

Julie, in a trembling voice, added, “This creep just called us — he was clearly under the influence of something — and said that he was going to take half of everything we own, even though his name is nowhere on anything proving ownership, and he never once contributed money toward the property. Can he do that?”

I replied, “Not likely, but something tells me there is more to this, so tell me what’s going on now?”

A threatening phone call

Kevin then played the recording of a phone call he had with Seth:

“I am recording this conversation, Seth.”

“I don’t care what you are recording.”

“Stay away from Sandy and never set foot on our property, including the apartment, or you will regret it.”

“I am a paying tenant,” Seth yelled, “and I’m coming over now with some muscle! We are taking Sandy away from you creeps. Try to stop me, and you will regret it.”

“What should we do?” Sandy’s frightened parents asked.

In a calm tone of voice, I explained, “Normally, you would have the right to exclude anyone from your property who is not a current tenant or who poses a threat.

“But your daughter and Seth have both rented the rear house. If Seth is still a legal resident, then you cannot bar him from accessing the rental unit unless there is a restraining order or eviction judgment against him.”

I further explained that attempting to evict him could be seen as a form of unlawful eviction or interference with his tenancy rights.

However, if he has moved out, and there is evidence of him having relinquished the tenancy, this would be a strong argument in favor of barring him from entry, especially if Sandy is now the only tenant and his presence is threatening to her and, apparently, both Kevin and Julie.

Time to call law enforcement

Given the threat of “coming over with muscle,” this is the time for Sandy and her parents to immediately contact law enforcement.

In all states, while the exact terminology will be somewhat different, a law enforcement officer can request an emergency protective order (EPO) from a judge, which is typically available 24/7 in most jurisdictions.

The purpose of an EPO is to prevent future domestic violence/abuse, child abuse, abduction, stalking or abuse against an older person or dependent adult. An EPO can order the defendant to:

• Not contact people covered by the order

• Not harass, stalk, threaten or cause harm and stay a certain distance away from where they live, work or visit regularly

• Move out of a home that is shared with the protected person

• Not have guns, firearms and ammunition or body armor

Most family law attorneys would maintain that in this situation, the EPO would require a landlord to exclude the named defendant.

Also, some states allow landlords to change locks and take other safety measures for tenants who are victims of domestic violence, even without a court order.

An EPO is served on a defendant in person by a law enforcement officer and typically is effective for five to seven days.

If the person needs protection that lasts longer or wants to ask for other orders, they can apply for a restraining order.

Insight from a family law mediator

I ran this situation by Scott Levin, a friend of this column and in his 20th year of practicing family law, with a focus on mediation, in San Diego.

“I’ve had clients who own their homes and later allow a boyfriend to move in. When the relationship ends, they’re surprised to learn that renter protections can apply even without a lease or rent payments.

“Once someone lives there with permission, landlord/tenant law in many states gives them occupancy rights, and self-help eviction — like changing locks or tossing belongings — isn’t allowed.

“The best outcomes come from negotiation, not confrontation. A negotiated settlement can lead to a peaceful move-out and fair resolution, preserving dignity on both sides.”

Levin’s website features useful tips on dealing with several of life’s most challenging situations.

If you feel you may be a victim of abuse, reach out to the National Relationship Abuse Hotline at 800-799-7233. You can also visit their website.

Dennis Beaver Practices law in Bakersfield and welcomes comments and questions from readers,
which may be faxed to (661) 323-7993,
or e-mailed to Lagombeaver1 – at – Gmail.com.

The post A Nightmare for Parents: How to Navigate the Legal Boundaries of Tenant Rights During a Family Crisis appeared first on Dennis Beaver.

August 29, 2015 • By Dennis Beaver

Our recent articles on ways of improving attorney-client relationships led to highly positive reader feedback from across the country, including a request from a Southern California Bar Association that we serve as a fee arbitrator in one of their cases where an attorney’s competence was the issue.

For lawyers, our Rules of Professional Conduct require competence, “Having the learning, skill, mental, emotional and physical ability necessary for the performance of the service.”

In this case, a Southern California lawyer took $3,500 from a mother wanting to protect her son from an abusive father, and even when faced with clear evidence of incompetence, still maintained that everything was done correctly.

In October 2013, Rosa learned that her husband had beaten their 8-year-old son with a belt, leaving bruises all over his body. She took photos and made a video on her webcam which had a time/date stamp. Justifiably fearful of repeated behavior, hubby was tossed out of their home that night. They later reconciled, and there were no further episodes of abuse.

In September 2014, the husband moved out and Rosa hired attorney “G” for a divorce. With the memory of that beating still very much present, she wanted custody and supervised visitation.

Without asking her specifically when the beating took place — or giving her the chance to bring in the webcam — G recommended applying for an Emergency Order, which could be obtained within a day or two with a few hours notice to her husband.

Family law attorneys who read this column will immediately recognize that Rosa’s case did not qualify for such a court order, as Family Code section 3064 requires:

(1) A showing of immediate harm to the child or the immediate risk of being removed from the State of California;

(2) Immediate harm to the child includes acts of domestic violence of recent origin or show a continuing pattern of violence.

Rosa’s signed Declaration revealed that she knew of the beating “a few months ago” from talking with her sister, who had first seen the marks. If G had taken the time to read the declaration — or knew the law — a voice screaming, “Don’t File These Documents! Even if you get your order, it will be set aside!” would have been heard.

Written retainer ‘an example of what not to do’

We had G’s 11 page unsigned retainer reviewed by an attorney who serves a large, Southern California Bar Association as a fee arbitrator, who commented:

“This retainer is an example of what not to do! The only thing lacking were nails with which to crucify G’s clients, with, for example, this completely unenforceable language: ‘We charge $3.50 per page for fax received and $.50 per page copied. If client walks in without an appointment to speak with attorney or staff, a $100 fee will automatically be added to your bill.”

Because G “Was so busy and couldn’t wait to get me out of the office to see other people, the retainer was never signed — they just handed me the document — which was filled out–and then said “That’s it for today,” and I left,” a lucky Rosa explained.

An unsigned a retainer has no legal effect, the lawyer only entitled to “the reasonable value of services performed.” This can be far less than the amount stated in the retainer.

Order obtained – and later set aside

With the Emergency Order, G properly filed a divorce petition, and off to court they went, the requested supervised visitation and custody was ordered because husband never got notice. Despite being given three phone numbers to reach him, G’s paralegal tried only one.

Shortly thereafter, the order was set aside and G dropped Rosa, which was a good thing as then a competent lawyer was hired. Justifiably feeling ripped off and wanting some money back, she applied to G’s Bar Association for Fee Arbitration.

Nice but incompetent

Our office was asked handle the arbitration, and we asked other family attorneys in the same town about G’s reputation in the community. “Nice but incompetent,” we were told, repeatedly.

Showing up late, there were other surprises, such as double billing, excessive charges, even a $10 for a 30-second phone call to his paralegal from Rosa.

Though maintaining that “everything was done correctly,” when we asked if some refund was in order, immediately over half of the money paid was offered and Rosa accepted.

With the local bar association flooded with complaints about G, one day there may be no clients to complain.

Competent, ethical lawyers put the interests of their clients first and have little tolerance for these kinds of behaviors.

The smile on Rosa’s face said it all.

Dennis Beaver practices law in Bakersfield and enjoys hearing from his readers. Contact Dennis Beaver.

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The last thing a loving grandmother could ever imagine is being falsely accused by her grandson of molesting him. Grandparents are supposed to love and spoil their grandchildren. It is one of the greatest feelings you can ever have, to see that product of the love you had for your spouse so many years ago, now happily wandering around your home, saying, “Grandma, grandpa, play with me!”

But that is precisely what a family who resides on California’s coast near San Diego could wake up facing one day. Let me tell you about them.

“Rugged, Outdoorsman and Controlling

“Debbie” met “Steve” when she was in nursing school, falling for his good looks and rugged, outdoorsman demeanor. He was a hunting guide, taking small groups of well-to-do professionals into the Northern California wilderness. Married after six months of dating, she soon discovered a controlling alcoholic, but remained with him for years. They have a son, Chad, now eleven.

It was a nasty divorce. Debbie was awarded physical custody. Steve refuses to pay child support, but as her parents are both financially well off, she leaves him alone and accepts thousands of dollars from mom and dad each month. Debbie has been and will likely always be mommy and daddy’s little girl, weak, never really allowed to grow up and become an adult, solving her own problems.

Chad loves his father and would like to live with him, despite Steve’s disobeying court orders, bad-mouthing mom and her parents. He wants custody of Chad. It is an ugly situation which got uglier after Debbie recently married Ricardo, another work of art.

Call 911

One day Chad was home alone with Ricardo and Steve phoned, telling his son, “Call 911 and tell the cops that Ricardo drug you by your hair upstairs!”

Of course it wasn’t true, but, wanting to please dad, Chad placed that call and out came the police. Eventually he admitted to lying. To the family law attorneys I ran these facts by, this eleven year old, “has demonstrated a propensity to lie and is real trouble waiting to happen.”

Debbie’s choice of Ricardo as husband No. 2 was as bad as with Steve. He is lazy–un- employed–with a wealthy mother who gives him $5,000 monthly in spending money. 

However, the picture got much more interesting when Debbie happened to mention that, as a little girl, she saw her father on a few occasions, after taking a shower, walk naked to his bedroom to get dressed. “Once, while dad was tutoring me in math, I saw him scratch his private parts,” she tells Ricardo, to which he replied, “You were molested! I know you were!”

It is clear that husband #2 isn’t just lazy, but he is a dangerous head-case as well.

“Beddy-bye time with Grandma”

Family law attorneys are in a unique position to see the future, and it is a sad one for eleven-year old Chad – who has had his own psychologist for years! As the little boy and his mom reside in the same town as her parents, at least twice a week he spends the night with them and sleeps with grandma!

That’s right. He is eleven and sleeps with his grandmother, because, as grandpa stated, “He feels more secure that way and my wife truly loves our grandson.”

I should point out that the grandparents live in a 4,000 square foot home with four unoccupied bedrooms.

One Long Beach, California family law specialist I spoke with commented, “Children are highly suggestible and want to please adults–especially parents and step-parents. Given that this eleven-year-old boy has once told a serious lie to please his father, there is little doubt that he will repeat the same behavior for the step-father, when, not if, but when Ricardo accuses grandma of molesting him.”

He added, “This is plain sick, and the whole family is screwing up this poor kid.”

“To say the least, it is troublesome,” commented Hanford family law L. J. “I have never heard of an eleven year old boy sleeping with his grandmother!”

A Psychologist’s Recommendation

“Chad needs to be weaned off of this sleeping arrangement with his grandmother,” Los Angeles-based child psychologist “Dr. Julie” immediately replied when I asked her for an opinion.

“This is not a healthy relationship, and it is likely that the people who have been the closest to Chad his entire life are the grandparents. At home he experienced the trauma of mom’s failed first marriage, and perhaps a second is on the way.

“So a refuge is cuddling with grandma. But the risk of being accused of molesting the boy far outweighs any benefit of continuing this sleeping arrangement,” she concluded.

Dennis Beaver practices law in Bakersfield and enjoys hearing from his readers. Contact Dennis Beaver.

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Across California and much of the country, over 70 percent of all divorce and family-law related matters are being handled entirely by the parties themselves as a pro per–or pro se as it is called in some states. However, as any family law judge will tell you, most need at least some assistance from a lawyer or mediator.

Over the past few years, it has become possible to handle your own divorce, saving considerable attorney fees, and having access to family law attorneys and mediators who can guide you through the process and help in many other ways, as you’ll see in a moment.

But first, for anyone thinking of acting as their own lawyer, a lot can go wrong, and there are common, potentially costly mistakes which must be avoided. Southern California-based divorce attorney Hamid Naraghi is president and CEO of Divorce Helpline, a state-wide company which provides a variety of services ranging from coaching, consultations, mediation, document preparation, and helping pro pers handle their own divorce. Naraghi feels that:

“The pendulum has swung too far. It used to be that when you wanted a divorce, you hired a lawyer. Today, a lot of people think, ‘Heck, it’s just some paperwork and I can do that for myself,’ without realizing that your case may be far more complicated than you realize and you may not have the skills or ability to do your own divorce without significant support if things go wrong, or if you find yourself in trouble,” he points out.

A divorce is a real lawsuit with serious consequences

“Never forget this is a real lawsuit with potentially serious consequences. So, before you even consider doing your own divorce, stop and figure out (1) Is my situation objectively simple enough where doing my own divorce is not too dangerous and (2) Do I have the knowledge, the background, and the financial means to do my own divorce without hurting myself?

“You have to evaluate your situation and educate yourself about your rights, obligations and your options. This is not the time to listen to well intentioned friends, family members or the misinformation superhighway. A consultation with a family law attorney or mediator is often a good place to begin so that your specific situation can be analyzed, as opposed to relying on generalizations.

“Evaluating your situation means asking, ‘Is this simple or complex?’ It’s not just because you want your situation to be simple, but in reality it is. Married a couple of years, and no property? That’s simple. However, every step away from that, a divorce becomes more complex.

“With children, differences in income, retirement accounts, real estate, a mortgage, pensions, a 401(k), life insurance, own property, or run a business, then it is certainly not simple for most people.

“Pensions and life insurance are huge categories where mistakes are often discovered years later and with horrible financial consequences,” he underscores…

Take your time and hurry up

“Ask yourself: ‘If I jump in the water do I have a plan — who can help me? How am I going to proceed? Where am I going to get reliable help if necessary? Can I really do this myself?’

“Not everybody can. Be honest with yourself,” Naraghi cautions, pointing out the importance of communicating with the other side.

“Can you count on the other side to do their part in the divorce properly? There has to be a level playing field. If you can’t communicate effectively, then you need some professional help, which is where lawyers who are good at mediation can help establish productive dialogue.

“You never want to rush into a divorce and may need time to decide if your marriage is over; if not sure, then talk with someone you can trust, friend, family member, clergy, a therapist, whoever is equipped to help you with this kind of life decision. If you decide that it is over, now time to hurry up and move on. The longer you delay beginning your divorce process, the more potential there is for a simple divorce becoming complex,” he warns.

Where to get help

Within the past few years a number of law firms have been established, with Divorce Helpline being one of the better known lawyer-staffed companies which offer a menu of services to pro pers. Their website (www.divorcehelp.com) is filled with useful information that anyone with a question about divorce, support, visitation, or other family law matters needs to spend time with.

Filing the papers and trying to work out things with the other side often does not go smoothly and the couple lands in court. Next time we look at mistakes to avoid when representing yourself, standing in front of the judge.

Dennis Beaver practices law in Bakersfield and enjoys hearing from his readers. Contact Dennis Beaver.

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December 29, 2025  • By Dennis Beaver

There is an age when self-doubt — questioning our decisions, seeking approval of family and trusted friends for our choices — can prevent us from becoming victims of financial abuse, consumer fraud or even ourselves.

Like three-quarters of Americans over the age of 50, “Walter” and “Patty,” both in their late 70s, decided to “age in place” — remaining in the home they had lived in for many years, where they’ve formed friendships, have good neighbors and access to health care resources and much more.

Patty deals with severe mobility and dexterity challenges that require their primary bathroom to be remodeled. Watching a local television commercial for a company I will call Nightmare Bathroom Remodeling set the stage for the kind of financial elder abuse and consumer fraud we often see on the news.

If, before ever contacting Nightmare, they had read the negative Yelp reviews — which far outnumber the positive ones — I doubt you would be reading this story.

There were giant red flags

Walter described the first red flag they saw, though they didn’t grasp its significance at the time:

“We visited their showroom on July 22, 2025, to discuss bathroom renovations and met with the owner, ‘Bill,’ who gave us a rough estimate of $90,000. We gave him a retainer fee of $3,000. No contract was signed.”

In California, a home improvement contractor can charge only 10% of the contract price to a maximum of $1,000 as a down payment. Contracts over $500 must be in writing and signed before any money is accepted from the customer.

Violations can result in criminal charges and disciplinary action by the Contractors State License Board in California.

Other states have specific limits on the maximum down payment a contractor can charge. Some set a percentage, while a combination of a percentage and a dollar amount is used in others. To find information for your state, you can check out this website provided by Angi.

That $3,000 down payment clearly violated the law in California. It is Nightmare’s MO. But wait, it gets worse.

Additional huge deposit paid, though no work done or materials delivered

On September 12, 2025, the couple met with customer service rep “Ima” (as in I’m a Thief) and signed a $120,000 contract.

Three weeks later, Nightmare illegally had them pay an additional $90,000. No work on the job had been started, no materials had been delivered, and nothing justified this payment.

Additionally, Nightmare failed, in virtually all respects, to comply with the terms and specifications that must be in a home improvement contract.

And then a shocking call from their bank

Near the end of October 2025, Walter was informed by their bank that multiple charges had been made from their checking account, and Ima had set up an autopay arrangement for health insurance and dental insurance premiums. She had forged Walter’s signature on counterfeit checks.

“I called Ima about it,” Walter said. “She first claimed to have no idea what I was talking about, then she emailed to tell me not to contact her boss — because she needed the job, as she was a single mother with a son.”

The bank replaced the money Ima had stolen from their account.

Angry and disappointed, Walter reached out to friend and neighbor Mark Novak, professor of sociology at California State University, Bakersfield. Novak referred him to me. (Readers might remember meeting Novak in my 2019 Kiplinger article Needing to Hire? Think Wrinkles.)

Walter asked Novak if he should inform Ima’s employer, and Novak felt that he should — to at least protect other customers. Walter did and then was surprised to learn that Ima remained employed at Nightmare.

I tried to reach Nightmare’s owner, but he refused to take my call.

The couple needed to cut ties with this crooked company, but what came next made me worry about their reasoning and decision-making abilities.

Self-doubt can be your greatest friend

Walter emailed me right before Thanksgiving: “Thanks for your advice, but we are continuing to work with Nightmare.”

I replied, “Folks, the fact that an employee forged your signature on counterfeit checks should have scared the pants off of you, and had I been notified at the time, I would have personally helped you file a criminal complaint with the police. I urge that you immediately demand a refund of what they illegally charged you. …

“I have learned over the years that if we have close, responsible family members and friends, major financial/life decisions we make when we get older should be discussed with them. We should get their opinions and ask them to review contracts or anything that puts our money or well-being at risk. And, most of all, we should never feel embarrassed.

“Your decision to remain with this company deeply worries me. This is the time for self-doubt! Am I missing something? Maybe. Let’s discuss this with our kids, accountant or family lawyer — someone whose advice we trust — before we do something that could wind up hurting us.

“Please show this email to your most responsible children. Have them call me to get a referral to an elder law attorney. Yes, you need to do that. And when you are near my office, please drop in. I’d love to meet you both in person.”

My next column will cover why a consultation with an elder law attorney can be the best investment children of aging parents can make.

Dennis Beaver Practices law in Bakersfield and welcomes comments and questions from readers,
which may be faxed to (661) 323-7993,
or e-mailed to Lagombeaver1 – at – Gmail.com.

The post As We Age, Embracing Our Own Self-Doubt Can Be a Gift: A Cautionary Tale About Elder Financial Abuse appeared first on Dennis Beaver.

For anyone considering the purchase of a horse, today’s story will be especially relevant and began with emails from “Kent” and “Miranda.”

Kent wrote:

“A few months ago someone suggested that a great way of dealing with all the tension we are facing is to spend time riding a horse. All of my employees agreed, we’ve been taking lessons, and now want to buy a couple of horses but do not want to be taken for a ride! We would appreciate any advice you can offer.”

Miranda explained, “Our 10 year-old twin daughters have been mad about horses for years, are taking riding lessons and I have asked their trainer to locate horses for each of them.

“How can we avoid getting into trouble with this purchase?”

I ran these interesting requests by Houston-based Equine attorney Rebecca Pennington and asked her to set out some of the classic mistakes people make when looking to buy a horse.

1 – Want Trouble? Fall in Love with a Pretty Face! First, look into its eyes!

Consequences: For someone with no experience, the absolute worst thing they can do is to look into its eyes before you look at the rest of the horse. Do not look into its eyes first, because you might fall in love! Here’s why:

Humans and horses have coexisted for thousands of years developing a profound relationship that played a critical role in shaping our world. So, we love our horses and they love us, too. A buyer must examine every other aspect of the horse before looking him in the face! Check his conformation, movement, and temperament. Look inside the stall to see evidence of destructive behavior.

When families with young children go out to buy a horse, the first “pretty face” they see will be followed by, “Mommy, Daddy, we love him! Buy him!”

2 – Unless you are an experienced horse person, do not go out and buy the horse yourself. Just go it alone and do not spend the time or money in consulting an experienced horseman before buying. Trust your neighbor who is willing to sell you one of his.

Consequences: You could buy a hose unsuitable for your needs or with health or temperament issues. You are also likely to pay way more than you have to.

3 – Buy a horse without a written contract.

Consequences: You can verbally be told anything about the horse. Sellers can guarantee that if you are not happy with the horse they will refund the purchase price but that is unlikely without a written contract stating that guarantee.

Without a written contract, the seller or broker can easily lie to you. No matter what kind of verbal promises they make, if it is not in writing it will be very difficult to prove in court. And if you signed the seller’s bill of sale, it will likely have words that say “I have made no representations of any kind … and you have had the opportunity to do a pre-purchase exam.” That is basically an as is sale that negates the previous promises they made in most states.

3 – Allow an agent to do the bargaining and to handle the purchase.

Consequences: Miranda’s situation is typical. Daughter is taking riding lessons, and mom asks the trainer to locate a horse and says, “I will pay as much as $10,000.”

The trainer finds one for $5,000. But mom is told the price is $10,000. Trainer gives seller $5,000 and pockets the difference. And he may even collect a commission on the sale as well! This type of rip off happens frequently!

Deal directly with the seller and write the check yourself.

4 – Buy the horse without doing a pre-purchase veterinary exam.

Consequences: You could buy a horse that has health or lameness issues. No matter how wonderful and healthy a horse appears when you go to see it, have your veterinarian look for hidden problems. Treat it like buying a used car where you have a mechanic check it out first. This is not the time to rush or engage in false economy. The cost for such an exam ranges from $200 to $1,000, depending upon the area of the country you are in.

5 – Buy a horse sight unseen after seeing photos and videos. Fail to accept the fact that this can be a dirty business!

Consequences: You rely on what the seller has shown you – photos, ads, perhaps a video of the horse – but what you wind up with is not the same horse you saw! The photos and video may be old or the horse may have been drugged up in the video! When you actually get the horse, you see the real condition.

Impulse buying when it comes to a horse can have potentially lasting, bad consequences. There is a reason the term “horse trader” has such a negative connotation. It can be a dirty business and requires the assistance of someone with a great deal of experience.

Concluding our interview, Rebecca said, “The person who coined the expression, ‘As healthy as a horse’ must have had a sick sense of humor. Horses are far more fragile than most people realize. Buyers must use caution!”

Dennis Beaver practices law in Bakersfield and enjoys hearing from his readers. Contact Dennis Beaver.

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How deeply into the daily lives of couples should family law judges venture?

That was the ultimate question from a reader in a situation that, despite “living” in divorce court for many years, I had never been asked. For anyone considering law as a career and who cares more about helping than seeing their photo on a billboard and a fat bank balance, then today’s story shows you one of the reasons why becoming a lawyer is a path to understanding the human condition.

Our story began with a phone call from “Sandrine”: “Mr. Beaver, I own an insurance brokerage, and ‘Roy’ is my top producer. His wife, ‘Pam,’ is with me right now, and we are worried. You are on speaker, and she will explain why we are calling and need your help.”

Pam said, “Roy recently began participating in triathlon competitions. He is in his late 40s, and for men in his age bracket and older, there is a much higher risk of sudden cardiac death. I want him to be here for our 11-year-old twin boys! We grew apart, are going through an amicable divorce, and I obviously need him to help support our family. Our boys are just crazy about him. Is it reasonable of me to ask a family law judge to order Roy to give up these triathlons for our sons’ sake?”

The risks of triathlons

Many studies establish that running a triathlon is a severe test of physical fitness. Even if a person is in good shape, there is a small risk of sudden cardiac death, most likely to occur in the swimming portion of the race — usually the first part of the triathlon.

The rate of death is generally agreed to be 1.74 per 100,000 competitors. While that seems like a small number, the overall figure in healthy athletes, for comparison, is 0.5 per 100,000 per year. Stated otherwise, participating in a triathlon raises the risk of death by a factor of more than 1,000.

I wondered how folks from various walks of life would view this situation and framed the question this way: “Given the small but real potential of death in participating in a triathlon, should a family law judge get involved in a parent’s participation in dangerous sporting activities?”

Only one person — a family law attorney’s paralegal — felt that the best interests of the children should encourage a judge to address a parent’s choice of sports if that activity statistically could lead to his death. She also recommended obtaining a large life insurance policy on him.

Comments from family law attorneys/judges

When I ran the question by family law attorneys and judges, their responses were almost identical. Below, I paraphrase three of them — Southern California Certified Family Law Specialists Ed Thomas and Glen Rabenn and the Honorable Scott Gordon, who retired from the Los Angeles Superior Court, spending over 17 years in family court and is now a mediator.

They said that it would be extremely unlikely for a judge to tell the father that he could not participate in a triathlon. This is particularly true if his doctor thinks it is OK, and the request is being made by his soon-to-be ex-wife. Judges will view the request as an attempt to control her former husband’s behavior.

A better case could be made for a court order that prohibits the father from smoking, drinking alcohol or doing drugs. In the right circumstances, courts will give orders prohibiting a parent from doing those things when they are around their children.

Most judges believe that, if you want to kill yourself by living an unhealthy lifestyle, it is your business and not something with which a court should be involved. Does anyone seriously think a judge has the power to order a parent to stop overeating?

Think of hockey, equestrian competitions, scuba diving, even driving a car. Courts cannot get involved in telling a parent what they can or should do unless it poses some risk of harm to the children.

My Zoom session with the family

Sandrine, Pam, Roy and, to my surprise, the boys were all in our Zoom session, which initially was filled with laughter and hugs, making me wonder why this couple wanted to divorce.

I began our discussion: “Roy, you know that everyone here is concerned about your well-being and wants you to quit these triathlons due to the small but real risk of death. A family law judge isn’t likely to tell you to stop. Frankly, I did not expect your sons to be here, but since they are 11 years old, let’s hear from them.”

“Daddy, we love you and are scared when you go to these events.” Their faces instantly transformed from smiles to fear and tears, and then they were enveloped by Roy and Pam in an embrace that left me with a lump in my throat.

“Roy,” I said, “all I ask is that you think it over.” He agreed.

The following day

Roy phoned and said, “Mr. Beaver, not only am I quitting triathlons, but Pam and I made an appointment to see a marriage counselor. Thanks so much.”

I replied, “Thank your boss, Sandrine. Our meeting was her idea.”

Dennis Beaver Practices law in Bakersfield and welcomes comments and questions from readers,
which may be faxed to (661) 323-7993,
or e-mailed to Lagombeaver1 – at – Gmail.com.

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Barbara and I divorced when our son, Ryan, was four. Barbara was given physical custody. I remained in our small San Joaquin Valley farming town, have always provided support and have a close relationship with Ryan.”

“He is 13 now and is doing things which are more serious than normally difficult teenage behavior. The owner of our neighborhood market caught him stealing. He’s smoking, and hanging out with some pretty tough characters. His grades have fallen. He is angry much of the time, and admits to having no guidance from his mother.

“When I discuss this with Barbara, she tells me to stop being judgmental, all kids steal, and it is no big deal. Smoking? Since she smokes, it’s normal for Ryan to want to smoke and not a problem if he does! She says that kids need to grow up and find their own path, pick their own friends, and if he doesn’t like school, it’s the fault of the teachers for being so boring. She believes it is no longer necessary to discuss right and wrong, or other issues concerning his choices.”

“Based upon these things, do you believe I could get a change of physical custody? Thanks, Terry.”

Rejection of sound advice — the immaturity of youth

In speaking with Terry, he admitted to “dating Barbara less than a year before getting married, when we were both only 20, and became parents at 21. My parents and close friends warned me that she seemed to be very immature, and did not show good judgment, but my own immaturity led me to think that she was an exciting, free spirit.”

That “free spirit” was about to force him back into court to protect his son.

Custody is never permanent

While the money issues of a divorce can be permanently resolved, custody and visitation are always subject to modification if conditions “significantly change.” We refer to this as Continuing Jurisdiction of the Court. In plain English, this simply means, “It is never over.”

Anyone involved in a custody or visitation fight who even so much as thinks they’ve won has it all wrong. There are no winners in these battles, but a lot of losers, usually the children. In the early years of my law practice, I virtually lived in Divorce Court, where it was common to see Round One, Round Two, Three, Four, in repeated efforts to win back custody or change visitation based on claims of a Change in the Circumstances of the Child’s Welfare.

I have a great deal of sympathy and respect for the judges and their support staff who work in our Family Law Courts. They are witness to more sadness — more tragedy — than most people could experience given several lifetimes. Family Law judges make life-altering decisions every day in what can be one of the most bitter and potentially dangerous places on earth: Their courtrooms.

In one sits Judge “Sandra.” That’s not her real name, as I always protect the identify of the many judges who read this column and e-mail or phone in comments. Sandra practiced Family Law before becoming a Superior Court judge in a mid-sized Northern California town. She views the issue this way:

“A mistake some parents make is in believing that once a custody order is made, that’s it, the other parent is powerless to do a thing. This is absolutely wrong. In many ways, the job of being a good parent is even more difficult after you’ve gone through a custody fight. It could be the other parent, grandparents, family members — someone will be continually taking a close look at your parenting skills. If your view of appropriate parenting clashes with accepted standards, expect trouble.”

What must be shown to change custody

Custody and visitation “is not something courts will change unless there is a real need to do so,” Judge Sandra stressed. “This is another area where the public has some real confusion. There needs to be a significant change in circumstances to warrant a change,” she added.

“It could be something simple, such an asthmatic child exposed to cigarette smoke from other household residents, but in general, courts look at anything which threaten stability of the home life or negatively impacts the child’s upbringing.”

What, specifically, has been found to warrant changing custody? The answers aren’t hard to find and include: Unhealthy changes in the lifestyle of a parent, a destabilized or dangerous household, ignoring the child’s basic physical needs, abandonment, neglect — physical and emotional — a parent’s drug or alcohol abuse, and on it goes. Interestingly, in some cases, the age at which the parents were married plays a role.

“Your reader was married and became a parent at a young age, and let’s just assume that his description about Ryan’s mother is accurate. To a lot of 20 year-olds, married with a baby at a time when most of their friends are just discovering themselves and the freedom of living on their own, a child may not be seen as a blessing. Those years you could be spending getting an education, travel — growing up — are instead, to some, a prison,” she observes.

“Escape often leads to young children being left alone while the parent with custody goes to bars or out with friends. It is an excellent way to lose your kids,” Sandra told me. “The numbers of parents who should never have had kids in the first place is more than amazing. But just try to tell some high school students that all it takes is one mistake and the party’s over; you’re a mom or dad and all those cool plans you had for life after school are now permanently changed.”

“While there are always two sides, your reader needs to immediately retain a good family law attorney who should objectively evaluate the situation. From what is described in his e-mail and your discussions, this 13 year old is at risk,” the Family Court judge concluded.

My View

Parents have a duty to their kids. Theft is wrong, legally and morally. Smoking is a known health danger. Hanging out with the wrong people leads to trouble. Good parents try to keep their kids away from the wrong influences, and if that is “being judgmental,” then, good, because that’s what defines a parent who understands the job.

Parents are supposed to be judgmental, and those who aren’t are just plain cowards, in my book.

Dennis Beaver practices law in Bakersfield and enjoys hearing from his readers. Contact Dennis Beaver.

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Santa Maria family law attorney Bob McDermott has a stern warning for anyone planning on doing their own divorce:

“Understand the risks and be aware of your rights and responsibilities. For someone unfamiliar with the law and legal procedure, there is no such thing as a simple divorce.

“The consequences of not knowing what you are doing can be tragic, financially and where children are concerned. Remember, the judge and opposing attorney are not there to help you. The last place you ever want to be is in court and not having any idea of what to do or how to protect yourself,” he cautions.

Common mistakes are costly

“Most people realize that they have a right to at least a portion of money in a bank or savings account. But often, retirement, pension accounts or life insurance are not even thought of, and steps are not taken which preserve your rights to those funds. Fail to protect yourself and years down the road money you thought would be yours goes to someone else.

“Support and custody issues are another trap for uninformed, resulting in a rip off of one parent where the parties agree that the court will not order the payment of child support since both have similar earnings and will share custody on a 50/50 basis.

“Soon it’s clear that one parent scammed the other, keeping the kids much less than 50 percent of the time, and, with no order of support, doesn’t have to pay a cent. This requires going back to court, requesting a modification, which you might not get.

Risks of being ruled against by just sitting there

“It is in a courtroom where the pro per is really at a disadvantage, beginning with not bringing necessary financial documents, such as bank statements, pay stubs, W-2 forms, profit and loss, tax information and so on.

“You may think that the affair or fact that your ex has a new romantic interest is important, but the judge doesn’t care, so don’t go there,” McDermott underscores.

“Next, few know how to conduct an examination of witnesses, if any are called. They just do not know what they are doing and rely on the court to tell them–which rarely happens– as the judge cannot be seen as showing bias. Often, a pro per who does not know what to do just sits there, failing to put on their case and are ruled against.

Approach a divorce from a business standpoint

“It’s best to approach a divorce from a business standpoint, for that’s all that is left. The relationship is over. He doesn’t want to be married to her, or she doesn’t want to be married to him, so let’s get a realistic view of the property, a handle on income to set or not set support, and simply move on with your life,” he strongly advises.

“But often, one party won’t and is stewing over the fact that the other now has a new love interest. Sometimes the new boyfriend or girlfriend is getting in the middle of custody and visitation issues and telling the parent ‘You shouldn’t let your ex do this or that.’ They are often a big source of the problem.

“Most lawyers want to resolve these cases out of court, so if your spouse is represented, do not be afraid to call their attorney and go in and meet. You may hear some things you do not like, but negotiating a settlement is a two way process. And do not storm out of the office. Understand this is a realm you do not understand and have likely been told absolutely incorrect information by certain people.

View the lawyer as part of the solution

“Family law is emotionally charged, at times, dangerously so. Often both sides will not agree to something, even knowing the lawyer’s advice is correct, but refuse to follow it because they are angry and want to hurt each other, running up the bill, and making things tough for each other. They don’t care about what is right, or wrong or what we advise, proving an old saying correct:

In divorce you see good people at their worst. In criminal law, it’s bad people at their best.

“Finally,” McDermott points out, “Family law can be one of the most unpredictable in terms of how long things will take, or what it will cost. If the case seems complex going in, it is normal for a lawyer to request an adequate retainer.”

To that, we add a fact of financial life: Facing brain surgery, it’s a good idea to have paid your doctor. You may like vegetables but don’t want to become one.

Dennis Beaver practices law in Bakersfield and enjoys hearing from his readers. Contact Dennis Beaver.

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