February 10, 2026  • By Dennis Beaver

Prison is a place like no other. It is its own world and has rules that apply there and nowhere else. Knowing this reality was what my young reader needed to understand three years ago.

“Mr. Beaver,” wrote “Molly,” “my son ‘Ray’ just turned 18. He has been in and out of juvenile detention for years, primarily because he can’t say no and hangs around with boys who are up to no good. But he has a very high IQ and has been reading your column for years.

“Now that he is an adult, if he continues on the same path, he will wind up in prison. Could you talk with him about what the first days behind bars would be like and how to keep himself out of trouble? You might be able to wake him up. Thanks, ‘Molly.'”

I set up a video call with this polite young man who said he “just wanted to make friends, so I went along with whatever it was.” He could not hide the “smart-aleck” side of his personality that I doubt Molly saw.

If anyone needed to know what the first days in prison would be like, it was Ray. What follows is a summary of our conversation.

Some healthy fear is beneficial

“Ray, I’ve learned from our clients who did their time, and through letters I’ve gotten from inmates across the country, that when you are sentenced to prison, which only you can prevent, a dose of fear is healthy.

“It is a place where very bad people are forced to live together,” I went on. “For the first-time inmate, who is referred to as a ‘fish,’ danger stems from a lack of understanding the unwritten social rules that control prison life.”

The eight unwritten social rules that Ray needed to know:

1. Leave your ego at home. Do not fall into the newbie trap.

Never think that you are different or better than anyone else. You are, at first, a “nobody with a number.” An attitude of superiority will make you a target. So, be as plain vanilla as possible — to other inmates and the staff.

2. Keep your head up — literally.

Eye contact in the free world is considered polite, but in prison, looking at someone for too long is seen as a challenge, as in much of the animal world.

So, while you should keep your gaze low, you don’t want to stare at the floor, which would give the impression that you’ll be an easy victim.

3. Absolutely DO NOT accept gifts.

Accepting an offer of a package of ramen noodles or a hygiene item from another inmate is never simple generosity. Nothing is free in prison.

Consider it a transaction that creates a debt similar to a high-interest loan. In a few days, your “new friend who is so nice” will return to collect, and the repayment price will not be noodles. It might be your commissary privileges or physical self-respect.

So, decline all gifts, but politely.

4. Maintain a respectful distance from staff.

One of the most ill-advised and life-threatening things you can do as a first-timer is to try to develop friendships with the correctional officers and staff.

This could get you injured or even killed if other inmates see you being overly friendly with a CO. The message you are sending is that you are a snitch.

Likewise, being disrespectful to a CO is an invitation for a host of subtle, yet nasty, annoyances. So don’t be a jerk.

5. Understand the many aspects of respect.

“Mike,” a longtime client who has been in and out of prison, described respect in the joint this way: “In the free world, I deserved no respect because of what I had become.

Yet, in prison, the most despicable people demand respect. Respect is a matter of life-and-death, often meted out by people who never respected anyone on the outside.”

He described how this single concept is so powerful:

• It creates boundaries for personal space and conduct. Invading someone’s personal space, touching their possessions or sitting on their bunk is considered a sign of disrespect.

• Having manners and showing consideration for others is obligatory. Say “please,” “excuse me,” “thank you” — these simple words can prevent a fellow inmate’s anger from erupting.

• Newbies are often told to “be a man of your word.” If you lie or refuse to make good on your debts, the result is often violence.

• Stay “solid,” which means “don’t snitch on others.” And “keep your head down” by not messing with other inmates’ concerns.

6. Keep family and friends close by writing to them often.

Having the emotional support of people on the outside should not be taken for granted. Those who love you want to know that you are OK, so write to them often. Ask them to write back, and this way, at least mentally, you can escape the prison walls.

7. Read. Go to the library.

Mentally removing yourself from confinement will help prevent your own decline. Use the educational resources that are offered. Get your GED or even a college degree, as these things will enable you to establish a more normal life once you are released.

8. Remember your objective — going home.

All of our clients have stressed the importance of visualizing walking out that main gate the day of your release.

This will happen as long as you don’t create trouble for yourself while inside by causing fights, committing other crimes that add to your sentence or a host of other bad decisions that only hurt you.

Three years later …

Both Molly and Ray called our office three years later and asked for another Zoom session. I had almost forgotten them by then.

“You scared me, Mr. Beaver,” Ray told me. “I could not forget how you described life in prison. I woke up, dumped my bad friends and am just about to graduate from college and will become a physical therapist.

“I was really mad at you at first,” he went on, “but then I realized that you were trying to help me. All I can say is thanks.”

Molly said nothing. Her tears spoke volumes.

Dennis Beaver Practices law in Bakersfield and welcomes comments and questions from readers,
which may be faxed to (661) 323-7993,
or e-mailed to Lagombeaver1 – at – Gmail.com.

The post A Wake-Up Call and a Healthy Dose of Terror: How to Survive Your First Days in Prison appeared first on Dennis Beaver.

Today’s article was prompted by the chief human resources officer (CHRO) at a Texas-based agricultural sales company wanting to discuss a topic that she feels would be valuable for college students, recent graduates and new hires.

“I have been in HR for over 30 years at a company that places high value on a supportive, positive work environment. Never have I seen so many recent hires let go — some within a week! I am speaking of Gen Z, born from 1997 through 2012.

“Over and over again, we find some of them completely unprepared for actual employment and lacking fundamental social skills or anything resembling a work ethic.

“In contrast to other generations, some in Gen Z have enormous deficits in their interpersonal skills. When it comes to showing appreciation — just saying ‘thank you’ — for help given to them by coworkers and supervisors, some reek of entitlement, have a lack of civility and say nothing.

“We offer summer internships for agricultural business majors and send students around the country — even abroad — for hands-on experiences. Seldom do any send a thank-you card, in our experience, or even call to express appreciation.

“In part, I blame their universities for not requiring students to take the time to show gratitude. This ghosting is an insult.

“Something’s wrong. Perhaps some of the people you’ve interviewed over the years might have an explanation and insight for us. Thanks, ‘Dallas’ from Dallas.”

Dallas’ comments about Gen Z are not new. A Cake.com study, Gen Z in the Workforce, reveals that 40% of leaders feel that some in Gen Z are not prepared for work. Seventy percent of managers said they feel Gen Z lacks communication skills and a work ethic.

Yet, in an NSHSS Career Interest report, 65% of Gen Zers “acknowledge they will have a lot to learn, and they’re eager to do so.”

I ran Dallas’ comments by two business professors and friends of this column — Lyle Sussman, professor emeritus in the College of Business at the University of Louisville, and David D. Schein, professor in the Cameron School of Business at the University of St. Thomas-Houston. Here is their analysis, which I have paraphrased.

Our world of digital communication leads to a lack of interpersonal skills

Generation Z, unlike Baby Boomers, grew up with a remote control in their hand, never having to get up and manually change the channel on the TV. You just push a button, and there it is! This, among other things, has no doubt contributed to a sense of entitlement in some individuals that Boomers didn’t experience.

Some Gen Z college students lack interpersonal skills in part because of a reliance on digital communication, which greatly reduces personal interaction and inhibits the learning of social cues, which can result in psychological immaturity.

In the working world, we expect civility and gratitude. An environment that lacks those elements can become toxic, impacting relationships with co-workers, vendors, investors and customers. People lose their jobs or quit. Employment litigation costs are impacted.

The professors commented that it all begins at home and wondered whether some children are actually taught manners these days.

Employees lacking essential social skills will not last long

It is fundamental — and common sense — to thank a colleague when, for example, a new hire in a sales organization is given a lead that becomes a sale. Failing to do so is a slap in the face to the colleague, which implies, “Why should I thank you? That’s part of your job!”

Employees who lack such obligatory social skills damage morale and will not last long.

The key question today is, “What do we do with these young adults? How do we get them to understand the importance of what we are discussing? What can be done for an 18-year-old who grew up never hearing the words ‘please’ or ‘thank you,’ who had a remote control, cell phone and computer, all contributing to a sense of entitlement?”

Most likely, that person will have to learn the life lessons of being denied employment or not getting the promotion and, at some point, realize that they are the agent of their own fate, that their lack of being kind and considerate of the feelings of others is a form of self-sabotage.

Good manners are noticed, Sussman said. “When we see students interact in a mature way that exhibits good manners, as it is so rare, we think, ‘That’s a future successful person — a good boss or a competent, respected professional.”

Another issue is that too many business students do not watch or read the news. “They need to know what is happening both on Wall Street and Main Street. By spending five or ten minutes a day with the news, they will be the person who stands out at a job interview,” Schein suggested.

Filling in the gaps with etiquette coaches

Today, major corporations are employing etiquette coaches, who, during the onboarding process, advise new hires on how to diplomatically interact with colleagues and others. Being taught these principles from day one helps new employees see how positive interactions with coworkers and customers are essential to the company’s culture.

They are shown how to smile while communicating, make eye contact, say “please” and “thank you.” They’re counseled on how to show empathy, to be human beings who are able to show concern for others.

Both Sussman and Schein concluded our interview by suggesting a return to the way children were raised in the past.

“Somehow,” Schein said, “families need to take a few steps back to the time when children were taught manners, could give good eye contact and truly listened instead of merely hearing.”

What you can do

If you find yourself in a situation in which a colleague, Gen Z or otherwise, did not respond to you appropriately, Sussman recommends:

• Schedule a face-to-face, private meeting with your coworker.

• Assertively, not aggressively, describe what they said or did (offense by commission) or failed to say or do (error by omission).

• Highlight why that was unacceptable.

• Obtain a commitment that the specific offense will not be repeated and that they can and should do better.

Dennis Beaver Practices law in Bakersfield and welcomes comments and questions from readers,
which may be faxed to (661) 323-7993,
or e-mailed to Lagombeaver1 – at – Gmail.com.

The post Want to Advance on the Job? Showing Some Courtesy and Appreciation Could Help appeared first on Dennis Beaver.