For readers whose parents, grandparents or other family members are over 65, the twin storms of dementia and Alzheimer’s disease could be headed in your direction.

These joint nightmares steal the very essence of humanity from their victims, causing irreversible deterioration of mental faculties, often driving both patient and family care givers to the brink of madness.

As author Lisa Cerasoli learned this caring for her grandmother, Nora Jo, “The pain of these horrible conditions drills itself right through the heart and soul of family, especially when caring for a family member. With issues of property and money belonging to your loved one, families are often torn apart.

“The last thing anyone wants to deal with are legal problems. Fortunately, my grandmother had thought about that years before she was became ill and her lawyer had her sign all of the proper documents giving me the ability to care for her and handle financial affairs.

“What I’ve learned from speaking across America about caregiving, is that most families don’t have these important documents in place, so that when a loved one receives this diagnosis, it is often too late, and your once loving extended family can turn on itself,” she told You and the Law.

Cerasoli brings home the reality of these conditions and tells readers what to expect in her award-winning book, “As Nora Jo Fades Away — Confessions of a Caregiver” and documentary short “14 Days with Alzheimer’s.” She writes with humor, but when you watch the video, have a box of Kleenex handy.

“Families need to deal with these matters when everyone is healthy, if at all possible. It’s that ounce of prevention which means there is one less hassle when your world turns upside down,” she maintains, and we completely agree.

Three critically important documents

When asked, “What are the most important documents children should encourage Mom and Dad have prepared by their lawyer?” estate planning attorneys Linda Monje of Bakersfield and Michael Noland of Hanford, gave identical answers:

(1) A HIPPA authorization for the release of medical information;

(2) An Advance Health Care Directive;

(3) A Durable Power of Attorney

No HIPPA? Then family and friends are denied needed medical information

“On a HIPPA form, you list the individuals who your doctor may release information to. Without it, while somewhat less of a hassle for married couples, it can be a nightmare for other family members or friends who call the doctor. They will be stonewalled, as it is illegal to release information to people who you have not designated,” Monje observes.

Noland believes that adult children need to be aware of these issues, “especially if a parent’s behavior suggests dementia or Alzheimer’s. Their illness could stand in the way of making sound judgments, and irrationally, they may not want you to speak with their doctors. But if that HIPPA authorization was signed well before, you will have access to medical records and their health care providers.”

Both attorneys recommend that anyone you have designated has a copy, as well as having one available when traveling.

Advance Health Care Directive

“What if you have a stroke, an accident, unconscious in a hospital, and health decisions need to be made? The Advance Health Care Directive, lets your physician, family and friends know your desires regarding health care, including end of life decisions,” Monje stated.

Noland was quick to point out: “A great deal of thought must go into who you designate as the person to make these decisions. The best time to decide is when you are healthy and not under time pressures. Remember, you will be giving someone the ability to discontinue life support.”

Durable Power of Attorney can prevent family power struggles

“With a Durable Power of Attorney you name someone to act for you regarding assets, dealing with third parties, making personal and financial decisions if you are unable to do so because of incapacity. The main benefit is that it may avoid the necessity of going to court to have a conservator appointed. It can go into effect immediately, or spring into effect upon the determination of incapacity by a third party such as your physician,” Noland explained.

“These are risky, powerful documents,” cautions Monje. “You’ve got to be so careful who you give this power to — the wrong person could wipe you out financially.”

“And what if mom was just diagnosed with Alzheimer’s or dementia? It is too late?” we asked.

“In such a case, a declaration executed by her primary physician will be necessary to confirm her capacity and ability to direct the preparation of these documents, understand their content and powers she is giving to a third party,” Noland pointed out.

Dennis Beaver practices law in Bakersfield and enjoys hearing from his readers. Contact Dennis Beaver.

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When you just saw that word burnout, how did it make you feel? Has the stress of working under what for many of us are completely different conditions due to COVID-19 caused you to worry more than usual, to feel maxed out, frustrated?

James Eischen deals with that question daily with people from every corner of our country.

Based in San Diego, California, where he practices healthcare business planning/corporate and real estate law, Eischen discovered, “A talent to help people open up about the things that were not only worrying them, but which posed significant danger to their physical and mental well-being, both on the job, at school, and now, greatly amplified with burnout linked to what COVID-19 has done to the country.”

Eischen is a nationally recognized expert on avoiding work-related burnout, lecturing to lawyers and health care professionals across the country and providing insights via his online learning channel, www.loftylearning.com.

“A global mental health crisis has been caused by our response to Covid-19,” he observes, adding, “Yet, there is a great deal individuals can do which will help mitigate the consequences. However, we need to understand what we are seeing. We must be able to identify burnout and deal with it at the earliest possible stage.”

 What is Burnout?

“Burnout differs from stress,” Eischen is quick to point out. “Stress is often equated with anxiety, and is burdensome, but burnout is where we reach a level of detachment. We experience a loss of motivation, our connection with others – and we lose ourselves.  Burnout is identified by the World Health Organization as an occupational mental health syndrome.

“It results in enormous damage on the job, school, and at home. The good news is that there are time-tested tools to help mitigate or avoid burnout.”

A Road Map to Burnout

Eischen lists several factors which contribute to burnout and apply to many occupations, “And especially to lawyers,” he underscores.  He lists these:

(1) A loss of control over the nature of your work and the enjoyment it had been providing.

(2) Perceived unfairness with your job, including a lack of recognition.

(3) Most importantly, the feeling that your work demands are not aligned with your personal values.  This is something that a high percentage of lawyers face on a daily basis, making them incredibly unhappy because they do not believe in what they are doing and are not practicing the kind of law they want to.

“Attorneys experience substance abuse at a higher rate than other professional populations which is often the result of feeling they have prostituted themselves, doing what they do for the money and perceived job security. They feel trapped by golden handcuffs. This in turn leads to burnout.

“But no amount of money sufficiently compensates for doing something you do not believe in. The vast oversupply of lawyers has made a mockery out of the judicial system where much ‘legal work’ is done just to generate billable hours, and so many lawyers know they aren’t helping, but are harming their clients financially and emotionally just to put food on the table.

“Lawyers who are headed for burnout detach, stop caring, and are part of an infection in our legal system,” he strongly maintains. “This means they cannot reach their potential or fully serve their clients.”

What are the tools which address burnout?

Eischen believes that we start out on a path towards burnout by not understanding ourselves and how our minds actually work.

“Our minds are terribly complex and under the right circumstances, are receptive to being fooled by false evidence,” he notes. “With the right blend of negative thoughts and experiences, the results are cognitive distortions and logic fallacies which lead to twisted thinking. This blocks our ability to understand the world around us and ourselves. Our minds have innate limitations to comprehend reality as it really is.

“Mindfulness and meditation greatly assist in undermining the negative impact of these cognitive distortions and logic fallacies.  Meditation allows our mind to sit still, to think without the distractions of ordinary live, to perceive a sense of calm, and to achieve greater insight into our own intentions and the world around us.

By using mindfulness and meditation techniques we can hopefully achieve mental clarity to rediscover who are and what our purpose in life is. Mindfulness is the effort to achieve focus and attention in our everyday lives no matter what we are doing, the synonym for it is focus. Mindfulness is engaging in the world as it is.

Eischen concludes on a positive note:

“When you get clear about your purpose you can then work towards ensuring that your work is in alignment with how your see yourself in the world. This defeats burnout.”             

Dennis Beaver practices law in Bakersfield and enjoys hearing from his readers. Contact Dennis Beaver.

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Last week we answered a question from Jenny, a 32-year old reader who wanted to know if she needed a will.

“I’m single, never been married, no children, rent an apartment and own my car. I’ve got checking, savings and retirement accounts and both of my parents are in good health, living in San Diego,” she wrote.

“At this stage of my life, do I need a will, or is there some other way of transferring property, making sure that funeral expenses are taken care of and possibly leaving something to my nieces and nephews for their education? At most, if everything I had were to be sold or cashed in, the total would be less than $50,000. “

Use beneficiary designations

As we mentioned in that article, Jenny can accomplish her goals without a will, as she puts it, at this stage of her life, “by carefully doing the right things,” in the opinion of two California Central Valley estate planning lawyers, Melvin Thompson of Bakersfield and Michael Noland from Hanford.

“In part, that would include having money or property transferred to these family members, after her death, by using beneficiary designations which are found on checking, savings, investment, retirement, IRA accounts, life insurance and other financial instruments.”

“At the time an account is opened, you will be shown the Payable on Death section and can designate who will receive the funds upon your death. If this is done correctly, there is no need for a will, and the money or property will be transferred directly to that person when a death certificate is produced. The Department of Motor Vehicles also has a simple procedure of transferring vehicle ownership,” Thompson stated.

“However, Jenny really should have a will as a backup in case something goes wrong, such as not properly identifying beneficiaries on the accounts. Also, if a beneficiary dies, or she and that person died together – say, in an accident -without a will, the money in that account would go to Jenny’s heirs, and that might not be the person or people she would want to receive the assets,” Noland points out.

Planning for the unexpected

“What happens if she has a stroke, illness or a brain injury and can’t handle her own financial affairs? How do you plan for the unexpected?” I asked.

Noland described two separate documents which, “At a minimum, your reader, or anyone in a similar situation absolutely needs and takes so much pressure off of family.”

They are:

1) A Durable Power of Attorney for Financial Management, Personal Care and Nomination of Conservator

2) An Advanced Health Care Directive

“The Durable Power of Attorney for Financial Management, Personal Care and Nomination of Conservator allows a spouse, family member or trusted friend named to make decisions regarding the management of Jenny’s assets, acting for her while she is disabled and unable to do so herself. The document may require the person designated, along with a physician, to sign a declaration that the individual is incompetent, unable to manage their own finances and needing the person designated to do these things for them.”

“It is extremely important that the people selected must be trustworthy and able. In a very real way, your financial future could be in their hands for a short period of time, or years. These are truly serious matters. These documents provide important powers to others – don’t be in a hurry to name just anyone,” Noland cautions.

Finally, Noland believes strongly that having an Advanced Health Care Directive “Is one of the most important documents you may ever sign, as it gives you the right to designate a person who can make health care decisions – including termination of life-sustaining treatment – if you are incapacitated and cannot make those heath care decisions on your own.”

Our advice: use a lawyer

All of these documents can be prepared without the assistance of a lawyer.

Over the years, this column has been contacted by many readers in tears because they went the do-it-yourself route, filled out the forms incorrectly, and now a loved one was in the hospital. Suddenly, it had become a rush to find an attorney and then going to court for the appointment of a conservator: time-consuming and expensive.

How expensive? When you involve the courts, look at $3,500 to $5,000 – or more in some cases. Why run that risk when an experienced estate planning attorney will charge from $700 to $1,000 for exactly what you need.

In a very real way, having these documents done right the first time buys you what you need, and which has no price tag: peace of mind.

Dennis Beaver practices law in Bakersfield and enjoys hearing from his readers. Contact Dennis Beaver.

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If you were to ask any physician, these two questions:

(1) “What are the goals of the medical profession?”

(2) How important is trust among doctors?

No doubt, you would hear: “The prevention of disease, relief of suffering, care of the ill, and avoidance of premature death. These goals are attainable only when there is a high level of trust among physicians.”

Unlike the legal profession – where trust is not a given – doctors trust each other for the benefit of their patients. That said, there is a time when trust should have no role in a critical decision a physician must reach – even when dealing with another doctor – and that is when they are handed an employment contract and asked to sign it.

In my over 40 years of law practice, I have seen the results of misplaced trust by physicians in our age of corporate medicine, and especially where physicians become CEOs of HMOs, and act more like lawyers. I have seen them become more of a Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde – than caring physicians.

Not Hanging Up My Stethoscope

But there is one more issue that is central to today’s story and has a real impact on the delivery of health care services. It is a fact that many older physicians are hesitant to retire and do not want to hang up their stethoscopes.

They know that retirement is often dangerous to one’s health. They want to work fewer hours, not take “calls” at three in the morning, and be able to just slow down while still treating patients and not see their brains and bodies atrophy or become victims of age discrimination.

Larry is one of them.

82 and Still At the Office

“Dennis, I am board certified in both general surgery and urology, and have practiced for well over 50 years in my agricultural community that is recognized as being short of physicians. I want to slow down, and for the past year, worked out an agreement with our HR manager which means that:

(1) I work three days.

(2) Am no longer doing general surgery, just practicing urology.

(3) Do not have to “take calls.”

(4) My malpractice insurance is paid for, including coverage for when I leave the organization.

“Everything was fine until the HR manager left due to a family emergency and was replaced with someone far less accommodating. She immediately handed out new contracts to everyone and asked me to sign it that day. I politely said that I wanted to review it with my family and would get right back to her next week. She agreed.

“This contract lacks the things that her predecessor agreed to. Dennis, I am a very non-confrontational person and do not want a fight. What should I do?”

Don’t Assume the Worst, Allow Yourself to be Bullied

So, how do you deal with important contractual issues that are not addressed and avoid getting into an ugly situation? I set up a conference call with Larry and two of my colleagues who specialize in advising physicians in employment disputes.

They recommend three things:

(1) Can Larry get a job at another facility – say, the county hospital – on his terms? Before even speaking with the HR manager, talk with the people over there, be up-front, and ask them if he could work there if things here fall apart. This is his Plan B.

(2) “Don’t assume this new HR manager is acting in bad faith,” they cautioned. “Was she even aware of the earlier agreement? But even if it was not reduced to written form, his work schedule, pay records, and no evidence of taking call is convincing proof.”

(3) Refer to Higher Authority. If you are told, “No, we can’t do this,” then your response should be, “My wife has grown accustomed to me working less. I love working here, but just can’t do this to her. Why don’t you discuss this with the CEO as I am pretty sure he does not want to lose me – and I want to continue calling this my second home.”

Establish an Attorney Client Relationship

While there are other issues here – possible age discrimination, for example – Larry’s situation is a good example of why physicians, especially young docs out of residency, need to establish a solid relationship with both a lawyer and CPA who understand the employment challenges facing them and never hesitate to ask for their advice, which is just what they would tell their patients.

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Getting older isn’t for sissies, and the more prepared you are for cognitive decline and the issues that come with it, the better your life will be.

Do you worry about a friend or family member who is getting on in years? Perhaps you even worry about yourself? When was the last time you looked in a mirror and thought, “Where did that wrinkle come from? It wasn’t there yesterday.”

A bit scary, isn’t it? “Life is great until it isn’t, until Mom or Dad, Grandma or Grandpa — or you — slips and falls, winding up with bruised ribs at best or a hip fracture, and everything is suddenly upside down,” observes M.T. Connolly, author of The Measure of Our Age: Navigating Care, Safety, Money, and Meaning Later in Life.

Connolly is an attorney and social researcher focused on elder justice and a 2011 MacArthur Fellow. She was the founding head of the Justice Department’s Elder Justice Initiative. In my experience, she is one of a handful of lawyers truly dedicated to making a profound difference in our society instead of fattening their bank accounts.

We had a long and fascinating chat about the common mistakes and assumptions we often make about the reality of aging in America. Here are some of the things she says many of us do wrong:

1. Don’t plan ahead, assuming there will be plenty of time when a crisis hits.

Consequences: You have less control, less knowledge than you need to navigate options, thereby reducing your chances of a good outcome. Crises will come, and planning ahead can help you understand how to navigate the various choices, how you might pay for them and which ones might be a better fit for you or somebody in your family.

2. Don’t talk about our care preferences — who will provide it and where — assuming that when the time arises, our preferences will be totally clear.

Consequences: You end up with suboptimal outcomes for the person who needs care. One option is getting care at home, but who will provide it? A family member, a friend, a paid caregiver or volunteers from a church or a community organization? If you need or want a facility, what type makes the most sense? A nursing home, assisted living, a group home, a CCRC (continuing care retirement community)? How will you pay?

Don’t let this just happen by default. A frequent, terribly sad situation is when an older adult who already has some issues, such as mental health or developmental disability issues or substance use, is taking care of a family member. As the caregiver gets older, they’re no longer able to provide the needed support, and the tables turn. A younger person with real challenges thrust into a caregiving position can be a recipe for disaster. So address these issues well in advance.

3. Assume older caregivers can do it all alone and there is no need to involve anyone else.

Consequences: Caregiving should not be a solo endeavor, but many of these people are very much alone. So, divide the tasks: Who is going to help out on what day? Who is going to handle insurance issues? Who will drive Mom to doctor’s appointments and help with groceries?

Caregivers can’t go it alone for very long. Talk about how you’re going to support the caregiver as well as the older person.

4. Don’t plan on paying for long-term care — there’s always Medicare.

Consequences: Medicare pays only for rehab, hospice and acute care and even then with limits. It does not cover long-term care. Most private health plans do not pay at all. The expenses can wipe out a family’s finances.

Once a person is impoverished, Medicaid will cover long-term care, but it can be hard to find caregivers or a quality nursing home that accepts Medicaid. We do not have a coherent long-term-care system.

It is many families’ biggest uninsured expense. People need to understand that going in.

5. Don’t name a trusted person for your financial institution to contact in case of suspicious transactions on your account.

Consequences: Older Americans often are targeted for their money — which can be gone before you even notice that something is wrong. By adding a trusted contact to your account, the financial institution will have another person to call to say, “We think something is going on here that is problematic.”

6. Don’t designate a power of attorney for health care or finance until there is a medical emergency or a diagnosis of dementia or Alzheimer’s.

Consequences: A power of attorney is a private agreement between two people and requires mental capacity to contract. If you don’t enter into a power of attorney while the person still has mental capacity to do so, you’re stuck and your family is stuck with an expensive and onerous guardianship proceeding that strips you of your rights.

7. Don’t worry about staying in touch with other people.

Consequences: Isolation and loneliness are the enemy. They make you more vulnerable in all sorts of ways to worse physical and mental health and for being financially exploited.

8. Assume all doctors are the same and that you don’t need a geriatric specialist.

Consequences: Older people are not just graying or wrinkled adults. We have specific needs. Comprehensive care by specialized geriatric providers improves health and extends independence.

The Measure of Our Age is essential reading for older people and their families and friends, attorneys, accountants, physicians, clergy — in short, anyone who deals on a personal or professional level with the aging population of America.

And you’ll know by looking in the mirror.

The post Eight Don’ts to Keep in Mind as You and Your Loved Ones Age appeared first on Dennis Beaver.

March 12, 2016 • By Dennis Beaver

The day we discover that our parents are no longer able to care for themselves brings with it one of the greatest challenges in our lives as adult children. Now, we have become parents of our parents, at times needing to protect them from themselves; and at all times from a world turned hostile.

Finding a safe place for mom and dad is one of the most frightening concerns which families across our country face every day. How do we find a care facility that delivers on the promises in its glossy brochure?

Just ask attorney Michael Crowley of the Eureka-based Janssen Malloy law firm. In 2010, as one of the lead trial counsels in the most significant class action of its kind in the United States against Skilled Health Care Group, he and his team would place before a jury examples of horror and mistreatment of defenseless elderly which could have come straight out of the Syfy channel — only it was all too real.

A $637 million verdict was returned against this giant corporation by a jury outraged by not just thousands of violations of law, but by the look and smell of someone’s mother, someone’s father, ignored for hours, dehydrated, malnourished and soaking in their own urine and fecal matter.

In a moment, we’ll share Crowley’s recommendations on how to find a good facility, but first, if mom or dad are in a bad one, he explains why it can be a death sentence.

“Their business structure was based on systemic under staffing of facilities and yet billing as if they had adequate numbers of personnel to care for residents. This violated California’s Patient’s Bill of Rights, and similar legislation on a federal level and in other states.

“The company was making millions of dollars of profit this way, the big cash cow being Medicare payment. As Rehabilitation Care brings in the largest dollar amount, they had an interest in making sure the facilities were full of patients with the most needs.

“By definition, the reason these people are in a skilled nursing facility is because they are a vulnerable population. Up to 70 percent cannot communicate effectively due to a stroke, Parkinson or, dementia. They are helpless; some are blind, some deaf, and all rely on the staff for everything.

“When you fill a facility with patients who have the greatest needs and are not delivering adequate care, truly horrible things happen,” Crowley tells You and Law, outlining what the lawsuit uncovered:

Residents were not turned or changed, were left in their own waste, in urine all night, leading to pressure ulcers, and bedsores so bad that infection resulted, sometimes leading to amputations and death.

Overly sedated, left in their own beds, there was no social interaction. Some were given food they could not chew or swallow and chocked. Severe dehydration and malnutrition was common. Many fell, winding up with a broken hip—which is a frequent death sentence for the elderly.

Do your homework

No one should ever think that what Crowley’s lawsuit uncovered with this large corporation was unique “It isn’t,” he is quick to underscore, adding, “This is a problem everywhere, placing a duty on family members to be diligent in their efforts to reduce the chances that mom or dad winds up in one of them.”

So, before signing a contract with an assisted living or skilled nursing care facility, you need to know if they have they been in trouble with the state or Medicare. Crowley explains how to find out:

“A great deal of information is available online, for example, Google DOPNA Orders and read about Medicare denying payment where evidence of neglect and substandard care is found.

“Additionally, you are legally allowed to find and read investigation reports conducted by the Department of Health Services. These reports must be in a binder, open to the public, so, I recommend always asking to see that binder. Also, ask to see their posted staffing schedule. However, as facilities in general do not want the customer to see these reports if they contain negative comments, you will need to be persistent. If they refuse, just leave.”

So, you do all of that and the place comes up clean with no evidence of action by the Feds or Health Department. But it may be far from “clean,” in fact, it could be a family’s nightmare, waiting to happen

We all have a way to determine that—our senses of sight and smell, “Especially smell,” Crowley notes.

What to look at and sniff for, next time.

Dennis Beaver practices law in Bakersfield and enjoys hearing from his readers. Contact Dennis Beaver.

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When 70 year-old Scott met 50 year-old Dora, “It was love at first sight, combined with a large dose of humor,” she said. “We were on different teams at a bowling alley, and I still remember the look on his face when he first saw me – and then how he threw a gutter ball and everyone laughed.”

That was 11 years ago. They both needed laughter, love and companionship, as each had lost a spouse due to cancer. “Despite our age difference, we decided to move in together and until the past two weeks, it has been wonderful.”

‘I Promise to Provide For You if We Ever Separate’

“We lived in my home, shared all expenses and as Scott had health issues, he asked and I agreed, to quit my job as an accountant to care for him. All our bank accounts and financial items were separate. There was no “Living Together” contract, and we never had any issues over money.

“We acted as if we were married, each of us very generous to the other and Scott promised to provide for me if we ever separated. He even told our friends that. Life together in my house was a little bit of paradise for those years together,” Dora told me over Skype, sobbing.

But fall from paradise they would, as one day Scott announced, “I’m not getting any younger and want to spend my remaining years in Texas, with my kids, but the safe and its contents are yours.”

Scott had been purchasing gold and silver for many years with a present value of about $200,000 stored in his safe.

Memory Issues – Dementia Ruled Out

Having experienced slight memory issues, Scott was evaluated and diagnosed with diabetes which was quickly controlled, ending the memory problems.

“After announcing his plans for Texas, he immediately arranged for a moving company to pick up the safe — empty and with the door left unlocked to discourage a possible burglary — and bring it to my home. The next day we put the gold and silver in the safe,” Dora related, adding:

“Then, he gave me the mover’s receipt, the safe’s combination, a goodbye kiss, and the next time I heard from him was last week on a phone call with his son, ‘Jon.’”

“We Want Dad’s Safe and Contents Returned!”

As Dora explained, “Jon told me they were planning to drive out and recover the safe and its contents, threatening, ‘Don’t give us any trouble or you will be sorry.’ Mr. Beaver, I need the monetary value of those precious metals to live. Must I give it all back?”

“Not so fast,” was the immediate reaction of a friend of this column, Plainfield, Massachusetts family law attorney Laurie Israel, author of The Generous Prenup – How to Support the Marriage and avoid the Pitfalls.

“While the couple had no formal ‘living together’ agreement – that is highly beneficial to older couples who don’t want to be married, usually for financial reasons – there is a great deal of evidence that the safe and contents were not only a gift, but compensation for Dora having cared for him these many years.”

“In the law school course Contracts, students analyze similar cases. Under several legal theories, the safe and contents now belong to Dora, based partially on her having given up a career to care for Scott. She relied on his promise to provide for her should their relationship end. It is clear that he gifted the items to her.”

What is a Gift?

Attorney Israel set out the legal elements that establish a gift, explaining the three types:

— An Inter Vivos Gift: This is a gift made during the life of the donor. These are irrevocable.

— A Gift Causa Mortis: A gift that is made in anticipation of imminent death. The transfer is usually effective upon the donor’s death, and can be revoked up until the donor dies.

— A Testamentary Gift: This is a gift distributed through a will.

Proof that a Gift was In Fact Made

The elements to prove that a gift was made include:

— Donor’s Legal Capacity: The donor must be of the majority age (usually 18 years old), and have the mental capacity and understanding that they are making a gift.

— Intent to transfer the property as a gift: This can be shown through statements, writings, or conduct. Intent also means that the donor doesn’t expect compensation.

— Delivery to the Donee: Delivery of the gift can be actual, symbolic, or implied through conduct. Physical delivery to Dora’s home plus Scott writing down the combination to the safe would lock that element in.

— Acceptance by the Donee: The donee must also accept the gift, without any coercion or undue influence.

Our Advice to Dora

Both Laurie and I agree that she should immediately rent safe deposit boxes large enough to accommodate the gold and silver. She should make a police report of the threats and retain an attorney to prepare a Stay Away order. It would be a tragedy for her to have devoted all those years to Scott only for his kids to defeat his generosity.

Dennis Beaver practices law in Bakersfield and enjoys hearing from his readers. Contact Dennis Beaver.

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In 1998 Grandma Susie and her husband hired a paralegal to file a bankruptcy. Hospital bills which insurance did not cover left them no choice. When informed that the necessary papers had been filed with the Bankruptcy Court, the couple finally realized that their marriage was over and divorced. Only the paralegal never did file the bankruptcy. Instead, using their money for drugs and a Greyhound ticket, she left town.

“I paid those bills that I could, some he agreed to pay even though the purchases were put on my credit card – including a big screen TV and stereo. He took those items when he moved away from Hanford, after meeting some floozy on the Internet, and I am sure they spent many cozy evenings watching the TV and listening to Country Western music on our stereo! Honestly, how anyone could do this – walk away from your wife and children – I will never understand. He has been gone eight years and we haven’t heard a word,” Grandma Susie told me.

Hell Hath No Fury Like a Woman Scorned

You might have heard the saying, “Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.” Often credited to William Shakespeare, the line comes from The Mourning Bride by William Congreve, written in 1697, and stands as a warning for what might happen when a woman is rejected in love – or ripped off by a druggie paralegal. 300 years have done little to change human nature, and Grandma Susie was indeed a woman scorned – twice. Susie was also someone to be reckoned with.

“When I learned what the paralegal had done – and the problems it created – I took her to court, obtained a judgment, but by the time they located her, it was too late; she died of a drug overdose, we believe,” Susie told me.

And that is where it all would have remained had not Citibank sold this 9-year-old account to Capital Management Services in New York. That’s right, the account had been idle – no collection activity of any kind – for nine years.

Hi There, Gimme $5,000 Or I will Sue You!

In late April, 2006, a collection agency wrote Grandma Susie, threatening suit unless she responded to their demand for payment of this old account. “After all these years, I had no idea what was actually owed, or if my ex-husband had paid on it, and then in came this demand letter. Could they sue me? Would they win?” she asked. “They gave me 30 days to respond to their demand, and after all this time, I have no records and honestly thought that it was written off. They were very nasty on the phone,” she wrote, asking for my advice.

This was going to be fun, I could tell.

Hi, There, Let’s Talk Statute of Limitations

“If they sue you, which these types of companies could very well do, you have a defense,” I told Grandma Susie. “In fact, we are going to have some fun with these guys right now, but first let me explain why they called. These guys purchase old debt from companies all over America, most of written off as uncollectible – for one reason or another – by the company selling this debt. For some odd reason, your credit card company did not elect to go after you for what was owed years ago, if it was truly owed.”

I explained to my Hanford reader that what these collection agencies want you to do is to re-affirm the debt. “At most, in California, they have four years in which to file suit from the last payment. If they do sue you, the correct response is to plead the Statute of Limitations, which means that they are too late. But if you agree to start making payments, or actually do make a few, this eliminates that Statute of Limitations defense – and boy do they love that!” I said.

So, calling their toll free number (I love to make them pay for the privilege of hearing me tell them to drop dead!) I set up a conference call with my Hanford reader and Miss Whatever Her Real Name Was, and after the introductions, the conversation went like this:

Beaver: Ma’am, do you know how old this alleged credit card bill is?

Collector: Hmm, I see l998.

Beaver: Bingo, you can read! That cool, now, you know I am a lawyer, so let’s see if you can read my mind. What am I about to say?

Collector: You are going to say that it is too late because of the Statute of Limitations and you want us to leave her alone. Right?

Beaver: Right. And I want you to mail her a letter to that effect and take her out of your data base NOW. Deal?

Collector: OK.

Beaver: Now, you can have desert.

Grandma Susie heard it all and was silent. I could sense that she was crying. “I’ve read you for years, and guess that it pays to subscribe to the Sentinel!” she said.

Yup, it sure does!

Dennis Beaver practices law in Bakersfield and enjoys hearing from his readers. Contact Dennis Beaver.

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March 3, 2026  • By Dennis Beaver

“Vincent’s” tone of voice sounded urgent: “Mr. Beaver, I run a construction company in the Pacific Northwest, and we are facing a situation that I hope you can help us with.

“I’ve read your column in Kiplinger for years and recall two stories where you pulled rabbits out of a hat, convincing people to do the right thing.

“In one, you persuaded a badly near-sighted carpenter to get a pair of eyeglasses (Can an Employer Fire an Employee for Not Wearing Glasses?), and in the other, a married father with a young daughter refused to wear a motorcycle helmet (Employee Refuses to Wear a Motorcycle Helmet: Can He Be Fired?). You spoke with him, and he actually sold the bike!

“I hope you can work your persuasive magic with ‘Nicole,’ our wonderful-to-work-with 45-year-old crane operator. She has hearing aids but won’t wear them! Adequate hearing is crucial for recognizing warnings, such as horns, sirens and shouted instructions, on noisy job sites.

“Nicole is becoming a risk to other employees who work with her. Her family tells me about serious communication issues at home, and she is the family’s breadwinner, earning over $80,000 a year. Finding a high-paying job like hers, in our area, isn’t easy.

“Maybe you can get through to her — and, by the way, everybody in the office, including Nicole, reads your column, because I print each week’s story and leave it in our break room, so you would not be a stranger to her. You are my last hope.”

I agreed to try, but first I needed to understand the dynamics of someone in Nicole’s shoes and find out how I could enlist her family as a tool for change.

For the record, simply having a hearing impairment is not grounds for termination under the Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA), but that protection is not absolute. An employer could fire a crane operator for refusing to wear hearing aids if it created a “direct threat” to safety that cannot be eliminated through reasonable accommodation.

How do you motivate someone with a hearing problem to get help?

I spoke with Dr. Greta Stamper, a clinical and research audiologist and chair of the Audiology Division at the Mayo Clinic in Jacksonville, Florida.

“How do you begin the conversation with someone who might or might not recognize their hearing problem?” I asked her. “Also, how do you motivate them to get help, or even wear hearing aids if they already have them?”

“The problem needs to be identified before there can be any motivation to do something about it,” she said, and suggested an approach using these or similar questions:

• Have you noticed that you are struggling to hear me or don’t notice when the microwave beeps?

• Remember last week at the meat market when they called your name, but you didn’t respond?

• When we are watching TV, you turn the volume really high and use closed captioning. You never did this before. Why do you think you do it now?

“Once you have their attention,” Stamper said, “if they’ve never had their hearing evaluated, then suggest, ‘This might be a good time for a hearing evaluation.’ If they already have hearing aids, ask, ‘Can you help me understand why you don’t want to wear them?'”

Stamper added, “It is important to discover the why — the obstacle stopping them from addressing their hearing issues. Some people do not see a problem. For others, there is a perceived stigma of aging. Without some internal motivation to move forward, it is unlikely that anything will change.”

Behind the scenes with Nicole’s family

Vincent, the reader who reached out about Nicole’s issue, cares deeply about his employees and their families. He arranged a Zoom session for Nicole’s parents and me the day following my interview with Stamper.

For over an hour, they poured out their hearts about the daughter who is their sole source of support. They clearly love her and are worried about what would happen if she lost her job, but they have no idea why she is refusing to wear hearing aids.

I asked them to describe her demeanor when arguments break out, as they do in every family. “How does Nicole react when this happens? Does she participate? Think of her body language. Is she involved in the argument or discussion? Describe her facial expressions. Do family arguments seem to frighten her?”

“Yes, always. The louder we talk, the more upset it makes her,” Nicole’s mother replied.

They gave me a clue. It was time to speak with Nicole.

Zooming with Nicole — it’s all about the noise

The afternoon of February 25, it was a chilly 40 degrees in much of the Pacific Northwest, where Vincent’s company is located. It was 75 here in Bakersfield, California. Within minutes, some of our Southern California warmth made its way into Vincent’s office, where Nicole was on our Zoom call.

“Vincent wants you to convince me to wear hearing aids, right, Mr. Beaver?” she asked.

“Partially correct, Nicole. Partially. And with your help, we are going to make a whole bunch of people as happy as can be, beginning with you, because I think I know why you don’t want to wear hearing aids. Noise — loud, aimless, jarring sounds drive you up a wall, right?”

“How did you know, Mr. Beaver? It’s true! I hate those hearing aids when my family gets into yelling contests, and when I wear them on job sites, it feel like my head is in a metal trash can and someone is banging on it with a hammer.”

“Nicole, our office has several clients who have recently purchased hearing aids with noise-reducing AI technology, and they just love them. I know for sure that Vincent will buy them for you, so please ask him to join us.”

She found Vincent and brought him back into his office, and I briefed him on what he could do for Nicole, her family and his company. He agreed.

I’ll keep you in the loop on what happens next.

Dennis Beaver Practices law in Bakersfield and welcomes comments and questions from readers,
which may be faxed to (661) 323-7993,
or e-mailed to Lagombeaver1 – at – Gmail.com.

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Dennis Beaver practices law in Bakersfield and enjoys hearing from his readers. Contact Dennis Beaver.

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