privacy Archives - Dennis Beaver

Is your neighbor’s security camera pointed at your window?

Dennis Beaver — Fri, 26 Jan 2024 21:16:00 +0000

January 26, 2024 • By Dennis Beaver

Security cameras were a popular 2023 Christmas present, and in the days after Santa’s visit, families and business owners were busy at work setting them up — which led to several phone calls from their concerned neighbors, everyone asking: “Can I do anything about my neighbor’s security camera being pointed at:

• Our front office
• A room where I keep our pets
• My bedroom
• Our bathroom
• A room used by employees to change their clothes

Was this an illegal invasion of privacy? Was there a way to prevent the intrusion? Could they block the camera from seeing inside? How should they deal with the matter?

However, no one asked the key question: Have security cameras had a major impact on the reduction of crime? Are they worth having?

Two Views

My law office was broken into at 3 a.m. Dec. 3, 2023. These brilliant burglars broke open two French doors, stole a 32-inch LED TV, leaving behind the power cord and remote control, and ransacked desk drawers.

We have cameras and bright night-lights (so these poor victims of an unfair society were able to see, wouldn’t trip, and hurt themselves!) We saw what they did on our cell phones — but that’s it. In The cameras were not helpful.

To get an expert’s take, I turned to Marvin Fuller, CEO of Southern California-based M&S Security Services. His company provides security systems for both commercial and residential applications, as well as guard services.

“There are two competing views,” Fuller acknowledged, adding, “But many of the negative studies go back years, before we had the sophisticated equipment available today.”

State-of-the-art equipment

“State-of-the-art video and AI tools are far more effective than anything that has been available in the past and can do something in real time to scare away the burglars.

“Today, we monitor cameras for human and vehicle detection; send those analytics to a central station, where they are viewed and guards can be dispatched in less than a minute; and — what often stops the entire crime — we can talk to the perpetrators. ‘We see you there! You with the red beanie — you taking the catalytic converter off the car — if you do not leave immediately, law enforcement or a security officer will be dispatched.’”

He cited Ring doorbell cameras and similar devices as being highly effective, some of which allow the property owner to yell, “Get off of my property!” when they spot someone trespassing. “But they typically lack the video quality to capture license plate information, and this is where private security companies are light-years ahead of the consumer market with higher-quality cameras and license plate readers.”

Expectation of privacy

A reader from Eureka complained that her neighbor’s camera was aimed at a room in her home where she keeps her cats. “On the rare sunny day, I open the blinds to let sunshine in,” she said. “I do not like this one bit.”

Fuller’s response? “If you are anywhere someone can see you or your home from the street or their yard, there can be no expectation of privacy, and there is nothing you can do about it. If a neighbor’s camera appears to be pointed at a particular room in your house, it might be that it has to be placed that way to see a broad area in their yard.”

He added, “But go onto someone’s property, cut a hole in a fence to film or hide a camera inside a house or changing room where there is an expectation of privacy, that could easily violate the law.”

May I legally block the view of a security camera?

There are many ways a business or homeowner may legally block a view into their property. Fuller suggested:

– Privacy film placed on windows can create a frosted-glass appearance during the day so that no real detail can be captured. Others act as a mirror, and still others function best at nighttime.

– Physical barriers — window blinds and curtains — make it impossible to look inside.

Also, shrubs and trees function as barriers, provided they are high enough to block the view of the cameras.

Don’t get yourself sued or arrested

“Damaging your neighbor’s security camera, unless you have solid proof that it is invading your privacy, invites legal problems. Do not try shining a laser into the camera’s lens to destroy it! Chances are, it won’t work, and if it does, that’s vandalism.”

My Advice

Say to your neighbor, “I’m considering getting a camera system like yours. Will you show me how yours works and what it sees? That would really help me.”

That way, you are asking for help — instead of expressing anger — and validating the all-important neighborly, “let’s watch out for each other.” And, you’ll get an answer about whether those cameras are invading your privacy.

Now, that would indeed be a real win-win.

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How long should a lawyer keep a clients file?

Dennis Beaver — Sun, 02 Dec 2018 21:35:31 +0000

November 30, 2018 • By Dennis Beaver

“Mr. Beaver, I am calling you from my lawyer’s office. I came here asking for a copy of my auto accident file,” ‘Randy’ stammered, the degree of frustration in his voice rising with each second.

“They told me that he is in a conference, but his secretary met me in their lobby, got my name, address, made a photocopy of my driver’s license and then went searching for the file.

“She returned almost an hour later, stating that she looked everywhere, even in their basement, but found nothing, and if I was their client, it had to be a long time ago, as the file has no doubt been destroyed. There was a record of one client with the same name, but his address and photograph did not match what I had given her.

“When I asked to see the photo, it was me, but I admit, my appearance had somewhat changed,” Randy explained.

I asked him, “What do you mean, somewhat changed? And what about the address?”

“When I hired the lawyer I had short hair, was clean-shaven and weighed 150 pounds. I moved away from town for a while. Now I have a full beard, a long ponytail, and am slightly overweight.”

So, how “slightly overweight” was Randy? Did it occur to him that appearance could be a factor in doubting that he really was their client?

“I must weigh 350 pounds or more.”
And just when did the law firm represent him for his auto accident case?

When he said that it was more than 20 years ago–he wasn’t sure–I asked if he would pass the phone to the secretary and tell her that she had permission to discuss anything with me about his request or the case itself. I had the feeling that Randy had not merely wandered into his former lawyer’s office, but that this poor man’s life was a shambles. He needed something and hoped to find it, there.

Lawyers can’t be forced to keep client papers forever

In April, 2014, The Orange County Bar Association addressed the issue of, once the case is over, returning all of the various documents or other property accumulated during the course of representation, at the request of the client. Then, they posed an important question:

“What if the client does not ask for their papers and property to be returned?”

Law keeps lumberjacks busy, generating boxes of correspondence, transcripts, police and physician reports, all of which takes up huge amounts of space. Keeping them at a storage facility is expensive. So, how long must your lawyer hang on to it?

“Like most things in law and life,” states the Orange County Bar Association, “The answers depend on the circumstances.” To that we add, in California there is no one specific time required, while in some other states, there are.

However, the Los Angeles Bar Association recommends, “at least 5 years for civil cases; but in criminal matters, files should not be destroyed without the former client’s express consent while the client is alive.”

When clients suddenly re-appear – Risk in keeping old files

Having a client–or their relatives–suddenly re-appear isn’t all that rare and can result from a belief that the attorney still has money belonging to the client, a son or daughter. One way of diverting attention from themselves–where parents have mismanaged settlement funds for a child–is to say, “You go see that lawyer because she’s got your money!”

Many complaints against attorneys have been filed with State Bar’s under those precise fact situations, and is one good reason that with settlements which involve injured children, personal injury attorneys will keep their file several years after the minor has become an adult.

You might be thinking, “Before destroying my file, shouldn’t I get a letter or phone call?”

In fact, that’s what many lawyers do, but there is no nationwide standard, and notification is not required by most state bar associations.

Hanging onto files, in these days of identity theft, exposes clients to the risk of their confidential information being stolen, and is one argument for file-purging after an appropriate number of years have elapsed.

And Randy?

We would learn that Randy was 18 and the only survivor in a horrible auto accident almost 25 years ago in which his parents were killed. He suffered neurological injuries which turned a bright student into one who could barely read. There was no lawsuit because the driver at fault had little insurance and no property.

“I just hoped there would be something there, in that file, for me, there just has to be,” he said, sobbing.

There is little doubt that he will return.

Dennis Beaver practices law in Bakersfield and enjoys hearing from his readers. Contact Dennis Beaver.

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How much privacy should college students have?

Dennis Beaver — Mon, 10 Oct 2016 04:06:25 +0000

October 8, 2016 • By Dennis Beaver
Today’s story will be of special interest to college students, their parents, and anyone wanting to create a college scholarship and be certain where the money goes.

But first, for readers who are over 30, look back over the past few years. How old were you when life just felt different, the fog of adolescence lifted, you “got it,” and realized “I’m an adult.”

Most people will answer “25, 26 or so,” which is supported by neurological research, and admit that before then, their world was painted in the color immature. How many of us want to remember the embarrassing, impulsive, childish things we thought, said and did at age 18, little or no thought given to consequences?

Just look at the deadly auto accidents caused by 18 year-old adult drivers, trying to beat a train through a crossing, passing on a blind curve, the list is endless. Mature, adult thought and analysis does not suddenly appear on a college student’s 18th birthday. Yet we give them the power to do themselves and others great harm with the help of FERPA, the Family Educational Rights and Privacy Act of 1974.

Intended to protect a student’s privacy — only allowing parents access to school records — upon reaching 18, those rights transfer to the student, the law stating, “College students are considered responsible adults who may determine who will receive information about them.”

While there are some exceptions, a student at a college where FERPA applies legally can prevent mom and dad from knowing if they are ill, attending class, are in trouble academically, or legally.

“This is dangerous,” commented one California university admissions officer–on condition of not naming her campus. “Face it, at 18 you are still a kid, and it is easy to become distracted, lose focus, get into the party scene.

“For many students there is a false sense of being independent, and do not even want to be seen with their parents. This is when they need family more than ever, but unless we have a signed release, generally we can’t say a thing.”

For college students reading this story, you can authorize the school to release information to mom and dad, or any third party, such as a scholarship organization. All colleges have FERPA Waiver/Release forms available for you to sign, date and specify the records to be released, the reason for the release and the names of the parties to whom such records will be given.

“The old saying ‘He who pays the piper calls the tunes’ comes to mind,” the admissions officer pointed out. “If you are paying for your kid’s education, then you should know if that money is being put to good use. When I meet with students and their parents, we discuss privacy rights, and offer them our school’s waiver form to sign. Parents must not be intimated by their brilliant, but still only 18, college freshman,” she cautions.

An IRS approved educational foundation, clients of our office, offered a university foreign language department an amazing gift. “Each year we will send two of your best and financially needy students overseas for a summer study program.”

The foundation had been doing this for over 20 years for high school and college students who provided financial information, and letters of recommendation. Applicants were interviewed on the phone by the foundation’s president, who later joined a panel of teachers at the school.

Every year, after winners were selected, but before their trip, they were invited to lunch with the donors as a way of encouraging the spirit of giving back when out in the working world.

20 years later and close to two million dollars in grants — all from private money — lives were changed in many positive ways.

All went well the first year, students having the time of their lives, studying overseas.

And then the second year no applications were received. Why?

“You cannot have that information! Privacy. FERPA,” the school’s Director of Development explained. “And you should never have had the applications last year, spoken with them or pressured them to have lunch with you,” she yelled.

“What are you talking about? The students simply can sign a release,” replied the foundation’s president. And what do you mean by pressure?” These are 21 year old adults thrilled they would soon be on their way overseas!”

“Just give us the money next year and we will pick the students,” she arrogantly replied.

The foundation has no further relation with the university, its students cheated out of something wonderful by blind allegiance to FERPA.

Dennis Beaver practices law in Bakersfield and enjoys hearing from his readers. Contact Dennis Beaver.

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Do college students have too much privacy?

Dennis Beaver — Mon, 03 Oct 2016 17:29:00 +0000

October 1, 2016 • By Dennis Beaver

If you are the parent of a son or daughter who is at college, today’s story about privacy will be of special interest. We begin with two extreme examples of what happens when privacy becomes an excuse for tossing common sense out the window.

Imagine just for a moment being relatives of a passenger on an airplane who was killed when its suicidal Germanwings pilot, 27-year-old Andreas Lubitz, flew it into the French Alps on March 24th, 2015.

Or, picture yourself at home when the phone rings and you hear:

“I’m sorry, but a mentally disturbed student has killed 32 teachers and students, including someone from your family.” That, of course, was the Virginia Tech shooting, which occurred on April 16th, 2007, and was committed by 23 year-old Korean student, Seung-Hui Cho.

How angry, how incredibly furious would you be when it is revealed that it all could have been prevented had the people who knew the danger spoken up? German doctors and university mental health professionals were all aware of how dangerously disturbed, delusional and suicidal these two were. Yet, silence prevailed.

The explanation? “Strict rules assuring privacy.”

Not one of the many German doctors Lubitz saw picked up the phone and called his employer, to warn them of a killer in the cockpit. They have been labeled as cowards, as were the university employees who refused to communicate to each other their fears of Cho killing someone due to concerns of violating university privacy regulations.

It was a proud moment for Benjie’s family when he was accepted into pharmacy school at one of the top rated universities in California. For his parents, it meant that all the years of hard work–long hours spent in their small Manila lumpia restaurant, and saving money–was rewarded. Their large, extended family were proud of them.

“Enrolling Benjie and getting him settled in an apartment was the first vacation we had in years,” his father explained. “You could not wipe the joy off of our faces. We were reassured that our son was in good hands by one of the deans who told us not to worry, that if Benjie had any problems–anything, academically or personally–he would phone us immediately.”

They never heard from the dean again. Why should they? Benjie reported making top grades, kept them well supplied with photos, and a year before graduation, during a visit to California for a wedding, he took mom and dad on a tour of the pharmacy school, explaining in detail what subjects he studied and in which classrooms.

“We were so proud, so happy. There was our baby, all grown-up, handsome in his white, pharmacist’s coat. My wife was in tears, and soon I was too!”

Shortly after returning to Manila a phone call would lead to tears of another sort.
Arriving home and listening to their voice-mail, the couple were stunned to hear a message from Benjie’s room-mate:

“Your son is not going to be a pharmacist. He was in pharmacy school only one semester, switched to business administration and then did an MBA. He was embarrassed, and kept the lies going all these years. He promised to tell you during your visit, but failing to do so, I just can’t look at him, and moved out. What I don’t understand is why no one from the school told you, because you are paying his tuition.”

The answer to that question is F.E.R.P.A. The Family Educational Rights and Privacy Act of 1974 and applies to all schools that receive funding from the United States Department of Education, its website describing the law as:

“Designed to protect students’ privacy by giving parents access to educational records, but not to ‘outside parties’ unless a release, signed by a parent, is first obtained.”

That makes good sense, as prior to this law, schools across the country were profiting from students’ personal information.
But guess who becomes an “outside party” when the student turns 18? Mom and Dad, that’s who! And it doesn’t matter who is paying the tuition! If the student refuses to sign an authorization, faculty can’t legally talk with the parents.

“FERPA is dangerous,” one university Student Health Director told us. “We are forced to violate the law in order to care for students who have significant, on-going emotional issues. Parents are the last people they want to know about their health, often refusing to sign an authorization for us to speak with family members.”

Next time we look at what parents need to do and what donors must know before they give their money to a university.

Dennis Beaver practices law in Bakersfield and enjoys hearing from his readers. Contact Dennis Beaver.

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What you lose when using social networks

Dennis Beaver — Sun, 13 Apr 2014 23:45:36 +0000

April 12, 2014 • By Dennis Beaver

“Remember the Miracle on the Hudson photographs of U.S. Air Flight 1549 which was successfully ditched in the Hudson River by Captain Sully Sullenberger in January of 2009?” asks Loyola Law School and Thomas Jefferson School of Law adjunct professor, attorney Aaron Ghirardelli.

“That photo reached news bureaus all over the world within minutes of being taken by a passenger on a nearby ferry boat, but he did not send it to any news agency. So, how did it get there, and why is knowing the answer to this question important for your readers?”

“It was Twitter,” Ghirardelli explains. “The photographer sent a photo via TwitPic and Twitter to his friend, and within minutes it went viral. Sensational photos such as this are normally sold for a great deal of money, so how much do you think photographer Janis Krums was paid?

“Most likely nothing from the initial publications. This is because news bureaus took the photo online, thinking that it was public domain just because anyone could see it online. This illustrates what most people do not understand about using social networks. You may lose far more than you gain.”

As I would learn in my interview with Ghirardelli – which felt very much like being back in law school at Loyola – what we lose can go far deeper than simply not being paid for a photo.

Online services aren’t as free as you think

“While we consider online Social Network services as ‘free,’ Facebook, Twitter and the others need to make money, just as any business,” Ghirardelli points out. “The result of using a website is a contract with them. Also, creating an account binds you to their terms of service, typically, permitting them to obtain a lot of information about you and to use it in many ways.

“For example, Twitter states that you are the owner of anything you post, but are also granting them a free worldwide license to use your content. These websites need this license to develop their services which we all realize are tremendously beneficial, and the courts support these agreements. This is why Twitter will be able to, for example, display your tweets on TV, publish a book with your best photos, etc.” Ghirardelli stresses.

How ads get into your email – Hello big brother

“Have you noticed that ads often appear to the side of your email messages which seem to be strangely close to what you might have been writing about? Ever wondered if someone was reading your email and then targeting you with these ads?” the Loyola Law School professor asks.

“It’s not someone, but something, a computer program which is searching for key words in the email and then tailoring the ad to the contents of your message. It’s legal, and one of the ways that your ‘free’ email can be paid for.”

“There is also something that most people do not know about email that’s a bit creepy, so, Dennis, want to guess what it is?” Professor Ghirardelli asked this “law student” who felt a dunce cap growing on top of his head.

OK, just a guess, but please don’t tell me that the government has a right to read all of my mails if they want to? They can’t do that, can they?

“They can! Some case law makes it clear that government can inspect your emails any time they want without a search warrant. The reason given is that there is no expectation of privacy. Google itself, the maker of Gmail, used the same argument in a recent case to defend the company from a class-action claim. This is because when we send an email, as it goes through several servers, it is open to being read by anyone in the transmission chain, unlike a letter we actually send in the mail.

“Suppose you are facing criminal prosecution and send emails to friends – or to your lawyer – making serious admissions of fault. If you do that, better look up a recipe for Cooked Goose,” Ghirardelli next said with a big smile.

No expectation of privacy with anything you post

“Never assume that what you post on social networks is private. It isn’t. It is public. Even if you try to remove it, it’s still there, accessible by someone or some organization.

“Just as you should never email your lawyer confidential communications, do not share credit card info in an email or post anything on Twitter or Facebook without realizing that it is public.

“Hackers, pirates, private investigators, law enforcement, and pre-employment human resource companies comb through postings looking for useful information.

“There is no such thing as privacy in cyberspace,” cautions the law professor.

Dennis Beaver practices law in Bakersfield and enjoys hearing from his readers. Contact Dennis Beaver.

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Want a bank loan? How much info are you prepared to reveal

Dennis Beaver — Sat, 26 Jan 2013 00:03:04 +0000

April 25, 2009 (Original publish date) • By Dennis Beaver

These days the term due diligence is all over the news. Basically, it means looking into someone’s background before handing them your hard-earned money as an investment.

Due diligence also takes place when we visit our local bank and apply for a loan. A relatively small loan — auto for example — might only require a credit check. But what if it’s a million dollars or so? Should the bank dig deeper than simply looking at a credit report? If so, how much deeper? That is the situation Dr. “R” finds herself in today, sending You and the Law this e-mail:

“I am a dentist and have applied for a substantial construction loan from my bank, which has offices throughout Northern California. We are planning on greatly expanding the office, adding dentists and support personnel.

“I understand the need for a thorough credit check on me, but my loan officer has asked that we provide the names of employees who have anything to do with the financial end of the practice. The bank intends to conduct detailed background checks on these employees. Obviously it’s required for the person borrowing the money, but employees as well? Is this commonly done? What would you do if you were in my shoes? Should I tell the bank to forget it and go to another lender?”

In researching an answer, I spoke with loan officers at a number of community banks who agreed to talk on the condition of keeping both their names and that of their institutions confidential. All agreed that background checks — and how deep to probe — is a controversial issue in today’s economy and admitted to occasionally hearing raised voices in loan committee over this very matter.

“You would be surprised at the relatively shallow level of investigation generally performed,” most acknowledged. “It is important to understand the reasons we do not generally dig deeper,” another admitted, but had me swear that I would never reveal his name.

“You have my word on it. So, why don’t you do a more thorough background check?” His answer floored me.

“Because we know that if you look much beyond a credit report, at times you’ll find things about your customer or some of their employees which would scare the pants off of you. This is a huge problem with, interestingly enough, physicians from some third-world countries who have a nasty habit of trying to squeak out of agreements they make, after accepting the benefit from the other side. But, remember, we are in the business of making loans, so it becomes a built-in conflict of interest. No loans, less income for the bank and a reduced bonus for the loan officers. So there is a not-so-subtle message from management at some institutions to just not dig too closely and rely on a credit report alone.”

Gary Maples, who teaches commercial lending at the Graduate School of Banking at Madison, Wis. — himself a former bank president — feels the bank in my reader’s case has legitimate concerns, but might be going about this in the wrong way.

“The bank’s concerns are real. However, the manner in which they are presenting them is over bearing. I suspect that in the not too distant past the bank took a loss on a customer who had an internal fraud. Hence, their board and management have adopted a hard-nosed position,” he told me.

“The better approach is to inquire as to what background checks the dental office is doing on financial employees, suggest that it be done as a matter of good, prudent business practice, even offering to help pay for it. But there is no doubt, we are seeing a great increase of internal fraud across the country, a disturbing sign of the time,” he concluded.

Even if you aren’t applying for a million dollar loan, what if a company needs to hire a temporary receptionist or billing/accounts receivable person? How deep should an employer inquire, in today’s economy?

“Just who is that person you’re about to hire? Who is she really?” asks Southern California based private investigator Riley Parker of Parker and Associates. His firm does nationwide due diligence, pre-employment background checks.

It was a question Dr. “G” had been told to ask by his attorney, before hiring a medical assistant. “You can’t rely on the job application. People sometimes lie, doctor,” his lawyer reminded him, after the young lady physically attacked a co-worker, and then promptly went outside and started to bang her head against the office wall. No joke — she really did.

Had he looked beyond the application, and checked with earlier employers, or paid less than $150 for a pre-employment background investigation, he would have found the lady to have been a fit candidate for the rubber room.

Dennis Beaver practices law in Bakersfield and enjoys hearing from his readers. Contact Dennis Beaver.

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Your teenage children’s privacy – safety first!

Dennis Beaver — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 18:55:48 +0000

June 04, 2006 (Original publish date) • By Dennis Beaver

In cleaning my daughter’s room, I could not avoid seeing diaries which were left near her desk. One was opened to the last entry, and curiosity led me to begin reading it. Soon I wished that I had not, as she was describing a love affair between a dance teacher and his student. The teacher is 35, engaged to be married soon; and that student is Rose, my daughter, 14 and a high school freshman.

With every page, my heart sank lower and lower, and I began to focus on entries written during the past two months. There were few references to the dance teacher a year ago; however recent entries revealed a relationship that had changed dramatically as Rose wrote of wanting to have sex with him and secret meetings.

I am a single mother, raising a son and daughter who attend the same high school. We all read your column and have a trip to Bakersfield planned. I know that I am asking a lot, but may I show you her diaries and then perhaps we can all talk? Rose is no different from most teenagers and will not listen to me, but I think you can find out what is going on. Thanks, Carol, a longtime reader.

After listening to that voice mail, I immediately phoned Carol and invited her and her daughter to the office to meet me and my paralegal. It would prove to be one of the most dramatic and important contacts I have had from a reader in many years.

How dare you!!

Prior to their arrival, the relevant pages in the diaries were faxed. They described a rapidly escalating sexual relationship involving at least two dance students, their teacher, and, amazingly, his fianc/e, also an instructor at the same dance studio.

Rose was unaware of the underlying reason for our meeting, thinking at first it was just a friendly visit. After the pleasantries were concluded, I told her that in cleaning her room, Mom found and read the diaries – which were in plain view. “How Dare YOU!” the 14-year-old, very intelligent, extremely attractive high school freshman yelled, over and over again. “You invaded my privacy! I always leave my diaries on my desk and trust my mother not to read them!” That statement was accompanied by a look at her mom which my paralegal described as “the look of death.”

“Let’s get something straight,” I replied. “When diaries are left out in the open, they are going to be read – and there might easily have been a psychological reason, such as your wanting someone to find out what was going on. Rose, a parent – especially a single mom holding down two jobs and not at home that much – has a duty to protect her children. Parents have a legal duty to know what her children are doing, especially with what’s out there online,” I quickly snapped back, but in a friendly way.

Yes, it sounds harsh, but in my book, there is no such thing as privacy where these issues are involved. This was in fact a cross-examination – I wanted to find out what she and her dance teacher were doing. My 14-year-old reader was caught totally unprepared and off guard for an important line of questioning and over the next two hours she poured out her feelings.

I love him

Rose told a story of a twisted, manipulative, highly talented dance instructor who groomed “virgins” for love affairs. “Don’t worry about STDs, because I only allow ballerina virgins to have a relationship with me,” he assured her.

Repeatedly she cried, “But I love him – don’t do anything to him or I will die!” With her mom sitting to my right, going through sheet after sheet of Kleenex, Rose described how it all began:

“Hugs, compliments, the things that made me feel so important to him,” she told us, proudly. Raised without a father, “Ricky” became that male-figure she lacked, but at age 14 when you are in love with a man 35, you are right and the world is wrong. And in the event you are wondering if the entire family had been following the Dateline NBC programs on pedophiles, yes, they had indeed. But in her mind it was the logic of, “I love him, he cares for me and I trust him.”

“It was always consensual, it’s my fault, not his,” she repeated. No matter how I tried to explain the legal issues, she simply refused to understand that at age 14, there is no such thing as giving consent, nor that the idea of having a sexual relationship with a girl that young is disgusting to normal men.

Responding to open-ended questions, such as, “Tell me how you two communicated …?” she led us to what I suspected: Instant Messaging, Chat Rooms, e-mail.

Within hours her brother downloaded every instant message and other communications the two had, revealing the unexpected: Ricky’s fianc/e – also a dance instructor at the same studio – actively encouraged Rose and other girls to “enjoy Rick, physically.”

Don’t tell anyone!

“Please don’t tell anyone. It’s all my fault!” she begged us all. While California has strict reporting requirements for doctors, teachers, mental health workers, to list just a few, lawyers are not required to report child abuses unless instructed by the parent. Mom, not knowing how to react, refused to make a police report at that time. I knew it would only be a matter of hours when she would be pleading to have law enforcement involved.

The next 24 hours were predictable; Rose spent most of the time screaming, begging for “them” to leave Ricky alone, threatening to kill herself. “Call the police,” Mom said. I did, and a report was taken. We also arranged for them to get into a counselor’s office at once.

No simple answers

For me, what was absolutely shocking was the speed to which Rose had been brain-washed by this monster, revealed through the pages of her diary ….” I was something special, a good dancer and a virgin,” she repeated. “We were in love, it was OK, you do things for the person you love,” she told us. While on one level, she knew it all to be wrong; it becomes right in the hands of a skilled predator.

Advice to parents

There is a strange kind of logic that far too many parents have bought into, “I will give my kids space and privacy.” Computers, televisions, cell phones in their rooms – with doors often closed – are an invitation to trouble for any child.

I believe that today, more than at any time in the past, parents need to know what their children are doing and where they are, both physically and in cyberspace. Our kids may be brilliant in math, science, art or God knows what, but they still have limited life experience, limited maturity. When I hear the terms, “Privacy Rights,” in connection with children, it is very upsetting, as too often it is an excuse for Mom and Mad doing nothing, asking nothing, to avoid unpleasant confrontation.

Fourteen years of age, attractive, raging hormones, the first tentative explorations of sexuality – it is all part of normal development and difficult enough without predators like Rick and his fianc/e in a child’s life.

Rose and her mom now face family counseling and difficult months ahead. I will keep you informed as to what happens to Rick.

Dennis Beaver practices law in Bakersfield and enjoys hearing from his readers. Contact Dennis Beaver.

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