January 6, 2026  • By Dennis Beaver

Over the many years I’ve been in law practice, a client’s adult child has more than once called with an urgent need to come into the office, saying, “It is about Mom and Dad. Their judgment about the financial things they were always on top of seems to have fallen off of a cliff. We have to protect them from themselves, but how?”

Usually, they add, “But they are both highly independent and would not stand for control of their finances to be taken away.”

It doesn’t have to be.

I am getting more and more of these calls as our population ages, and the issue often is because my advice to an older couple — “you need to cut ties with this crooked contractor” — is rejected, and they decide to stay with the con to their detriment.

My article last week about Walter and Patty, As We Age, Embracing Our Own Self-Doubt Can Be a Gift: A Cautionary Tale About Elder Financial Abuse, is a case in point.

Guarding against future financial mistakes

When adult children see their aging parent(s) begin to act impulsively or make financial decisions that aren’t sound, this is the time to have a consultation with an elder law attorney — before things get worse. These lawyers focus on the legal needs of older adults, including:

• Long-term-care planning

• Medicaid eligibility

• Estate planning and trusts

• Powers of attorney and health care directives

• Asset protection

• Guardianship and conservatorship

• Elder rights and elder abuse prevention

Today, we look at how an elder law attorney can address financial vulnerability and exploitation by putting safeguards — guardrails — in place that reduce the chances of future mistakes while preserving the parent’s dignity and independence as much as possible.

Effective preventive financial tools

The elder law attorneys I know are among the most compassionate individuals in the legal profession. The last thing an aging parent who has always been in control of their finances wants is to lose that ability.

• How can a family protect them without giving the impression that they are taking over a parent’s life?

• Elder law attorneys use a win-win strategy that demonstrates family support instead of completely limiting Mom or Dad’s financial freedom.

• An elder law attorney can design a limited authority framework that:

• Requires a second signature for contracts or large purchases

• Allows a child to access/monitor accounts

• Allows the parent to have day-to-day control up to a specified dollar amount

• Instructs the parent’s bank to flag and stop attempted withdrawals or payments to anyone over a specified limit and notify the adult child if that is attempted

• Requires the signature of an adult child or named person for amounts over a set dollar figure

• Arranges for a copy of the monthly bank statements to be sent to a designated relative or third party

• Employs anti-exploitative measures, including fraud alerts from all three credit bureaus, credit card spending limits, trusted-contact notifications and automatic bill pay, which may reduce a parent’s confusion on which bills to pay

Also, if a parent has signed a questionable or predatory contract, an elder law attorney can identify grounds for cancellation and speak with the company or reach out to lawyers familiar with the legal issues involved.

For example, I am frequently contacted by attorneys whose clients have become victims of timeshare and rooftop solar sales scams.

What a durable power of attorney accomplishes

An elder law attorney can set up a proper (more on what’s considered “proper” in a moment) durable financial power of attorney, which allows a trusted family member to handle financial affairs if the parent becomes mentally or physically incapacitated because of illness or accident.

A durable power of attorney for health care — aka medical power of attorney or health care proxy — is also essential.

Trusts protect assets from scams and impulsive decisions

Depending upon a family’s assets and needs, an elder law attorney will explore using a trust as a way to protect older people from making poor decisions, squandering their funds or being a target of scammers.

The concept is simple: Control of assets is given to a responsible child or professional fiduciary/trustee, who manages these assets while restricting the aging parent’s direct access.

The objective of all trusts is the preservation of assets for the benefit of the parent or designated beneficiaries.

Why hire an attorney when most of this stuff is free online?

I am occasionally asked, “Why spend the money on an elder law attorney when I can get all the forms and information for free online, or pay just a few dollars for a kit with fill-in-the-blank forms that promise to be as good as hiring a lawyer?”

My answer: What you pay an attorney to draft proper estate planning documents is often much lower than the costs of fixing a botched DIY plan.

Growing up, our parents loved and cared for us. We owe them the same now.

Dennis Beaver Practices law in Bakersfield and welcomes comments and questions from readers,
which may be faxed to (661) 323-7993,
or e-mailed to Lagombeaver1 – at – Gmail.com.

The post How an Elder Law Attorney Can Help Protect Your Aging Parents From Financial Mistakes appeared first on Dennis Beaver.

December 29, 2025  • By Dennis Beaver

There is an age when self-doubt — questioning our decisions, seeking approval of family and trusted friends for our choices — can prevent us from becoming victims of financial abuse, consumer fraud or even ourselves.

Like three-quarters of Americans over the age of 50, “Walter” and “Patty,” both in their late 70s, decided to “age in place” — remaining in the home they had lived in for many years, where they’ve formed friendships, have good neighbors and access to health care resources and much more.

Patty deals with severe mobility and dexterity challenges that require their primary bathroom to be remodeled. Watching a local television commercial for a company I will call Nightmare Bathroom Remodeling set the stage for the kind of financial elder abuse and consumer fraud we often see on the news.

If, before ever contacting Nightmare, they had read the negative Yelp reviews — which far outnumber the positive ones — I doubt you would be reading this story.

There were giant red flags

Walter described the first red flag they saw, though they didn’t grasp its significance at the time:

“We visited their showroom on July 22, 2025, to discuss bathroom renovations and met with the owner, ‘Bill,’ who gave us a rough estimate of $90,000. We gave him a retainer fee of $3,000. No contract was signed.”

In California, a home improvement contractor can charge only 10% of the contract price to a maximum of $1,000 as a down payment. Contracts over $500 must be in writing and signed before any money is accepted from the customer.

Violations can result in criminal charges and disciplinary action by the Contractors State License Board in California.

Other states have specific limits on the maximum down payment a contractor can charge. Some set a percentage, while a combination of a percentage and a dollar amount is used in others. To find information for your state, you can check out this website provided by Angi.

That $3,000 down payment clearly violated the law in California. It is Nightmare’s MO. But wait, it gets worse.

Additional huge deposit paid, though no work done or materials delivered

On September 12, 2025, the couple met with customer service rep “Ima” (as in I’m a Thief) and signed a $120,000 contract.

Three weeks later, Nightmare illegally had them pay an additional $90,000. No work on the job had been started, no materials had been delivered, and nothing justified this payment.

Additionally, Nightmare failed, in virtually all respects, to comply with the terms and specifications that must be in a home improvement contract.

And then a shocking call from their bank

Near the end of October 2025, Walter was informed by their bank that multiple charges had been made from their checking account, and Ima had set up an autopay arrangement for health insurance and dental insurance premiums. She had forged Walter’s signature on counterfeit checks.

“I called Ima about it,” Walter said. “She first claimed to have no idea what I was talking about, then she emailed to tell me not to contact her boss — because she needed the job, as she was a single mother with a son.”

The bank replaced the money Ima had stolen from their account.

Angry and disappointed, Walter reached out to friend and neighbor Mark Novak, professor of sociology at California State University, Bakersfield. Novak referred him to me. (Readers might remember meeting Novak in my 2019 Kiplinger article Needing to Hire? Think Wrinkles.)

Walter asked Novak if he should inform Ima’s employer, and Novak felt that he should — to at least protect other customers. Walter did and then was surprised to learn that Ima remained employed at Nightmare.

I tried to reach Nightmare’s owner, but he refused to take my call.

The couple needed to cut ties with this crooked company, but what came next made me worry about their reasoning and decision-making abilities.

Self-doubt can be your greatest friend

Walter emailed me right before Thanksgiving: “Thanks for your advice, but we are continuing to work with Nightmare.”

I replied, “Folks, the fact that an employee forged your signature on counterfeit checks should have scared the pants off of you, and had I been notified at the time, I would have personally helped you file a criminal complaint with the police. I urge that you immediately demand a refund of what they illegally charged you. …

“I have learned over the years that if we have close, responsible family members and friends, major financial/life decisions we make when we get older should be discussed with them. We should get their opinions and ask them to review contracts or anything that puts our money or well-being at risk. And, most of all, we should never feel embarrassed.

“Your decision to remain with this company deeply worries me. This is the time for self-doubt! Am I missing something? Maybe. Let’s discuss this with our kids, accountant or family lawyer — someone whose advice we trust — before we do something that could wind up hurting us.

“Please show this email to your most responsible children. Have them call me to get a referral to an elder law attorney. Yes, you need to do that. And when you are near my office, please drop in. I’d love to meet you both in person.”

My next column will cover why a consultation with an elder law attorney can be the best investment children of aging parents can make.

Dennis Beaver Practices law in Bakersfield and welcomes comments and questions from readers,
which may be faxed to (661) 323-7993,
or e-mailed to Lagombeaver1 – at – Gmail.com.

The post As We Age, Embracing Our Own Self-Doubt Can Be a Gift: A Cautionary Tale About Elder Financial Abuse appeared first on Dennis Beaver.

December 22, 2025  • By Dennis Beaver

When the news that legendary director Rob Reiner and his wife, Michele, were murdered in their Los Angeles home and the only suspect was their 32-year-old son, Nick, I immediately thought of my meeting — only a week earlier — with “Alex,” who left this message on our office voicemail:

“My brother ‘Gabe’ is out of control, but nothing I say to my parents is getting their attention. What can I do? Can we meet as soon as possible, please? It got so physical last night that the police were called — again — but Mom and Dad won’t do anything to protect themselves. They keep giving him money. I fear he could kill them.

“Also, they have an estate plan, but they will not tell me a thing. I have to know if the worst happens. And what if Gabe attacks a neighbor he has had words with? Could my parents be held liable for his criminal behavior?”

Sometimes denial is too strong

Gabe’s case is not an isolated one. There are some parents who never get it, who will never get it, nor do they realize just how much they have contributed to a child’s failure as an adult.

In my decades of practicing law, I have observed a strong correlation between highly successful professionals — physicians, dentists, CPAs, lawyers — with irresponsible, messed-up kids who never grow up. (I’m not suggesting in any way that this is what happened with the Reiners and their son — I’m talking only about Gabe’s case and others I’ve personally witnessed that are similar.)

Failure is all but assured with a helicopter, snowplow or bulldozer parent — overly involved, protective parents who “hover” over their children, shielding them from challenges, mistakes and natural consequences to ensure — they think — their safety and success.

It is all made worse when a child develops mental illness, which may be evident to others but is denied by one or both parents.

Mom, in Gabe’s case, checks all the boxes. I have been their family attorney for decades and watched the boys grow up.

Both parents are specialists in their medical fields, but Mom stayed home and devoted herself to their sons, “protecting” Gabe in particular because of issues he had as a young child that worsened over the years.

And, I have to tell you, she is the nicest, most generous person you’ll ever meet, with a smile that can melt ice. Like Alex, I am also worried about what could happen.

Problems began at a young age

Beginning at about 5 years of age, Gabe showed behaviors that were not normal and were not addressed. While Alex did fine in school, Gabe always felt teachers were out to get him. Mom justified his irrational thoughts and paranoia by blaming the teachers for his failures.

When Gabe started misusing marijuana, his downward spiral accelerated. He was “unfairly” flunked out of law school “because they did not like my political views.” DUI arrests followed, and he has been in and out of rehab and psychiatrists’ offices.

At 32, he is still living at home. He has never been employed for more than a few months. He regularly consumes large amounts of alcohol.

In drug-fueled rages, he has torn apart the interior of the family home, and his parents, fearing for their lives, often stay in hotels to protect themselves. But they also go back home from time to time, despite the danger.

Parents need to lessen the risks and protect themselves

Any family in this kind of situation needs to ensure that guns and other weapons are removed from the home. Even if a family owns no firearms, you do not know if your troubled loved one has acquired one. A thorough search of the home is obligatory when they are out.

Generally, parents are not responsible for an adult child’s criminal behavior, but in a situation like Gabe’s, parents need to do everything possible to reduce the chances of someone getting hurt and the family being blamed for being negligent.

It’s important to involve law enforcement

Alex made clear that his parents refused to have Gabe arrested — and he could still be, for assault, vandalism, terrorist threats — and taken to a mental facility.

I spoke about this with two clinical psychologists, who asked not to be identified because they are not involved in Gabe’s case. They both indicated that the fact that he has not been arrested is evidence of the parents being caught in a spiral of enabling.

Providing money, housing or covering up destructive behavior is seen as a green light to continue bad behavior. They both added that any parent in this situation needs professional counseling themselves.

Other steps parents dealing with a troubled and violent adult child need to take include:

• Call 911 if the danger is immediate. Law enforcement can intervene and issue a temporary stay-away order.

• Call a crisis hotline for guidance when violence or drug use escalates. Visit USA.gov to find the numbers for hotlines and other information about how families can get help with issues stemming from substance abuse.

• Seek a professional evaluation for the child at a mental health facility. Parents should also seek professional counseling themselves.

• Locate support groups to learn coping strategies and avoid isolation.

• Have a home video/audio security system installed with the data sent to the cloud, not stored at home, where it can be accessed by the troubled person.

Someone needs to know where estate planning information is located

Now for Alex’s question about the estate planning documents. It helps no one to play hide-the-ball with documentation involving family trusts, wills and related information, especially when you have responsible adult children or other family members capable of carrying out your wishes.

My recommendation to anyone in Alex’s situation is to say to their parents, “Not knowing where these documents are or what information they include is likely to cause delays, legal battles and costs that I know you don’t want. Help me help you in reducing the stress of what not knowing will cause.”

In case you wonder if I tried to reason with Mom — yes, I tried. But I was met with that beautiful smile.

Dennis Beaver Practices law in Bakersfield and welcomes comments and questions from readers,
which may be faxed to (661) 323-7993,
or e-mailed to Lagombeaver1 – at – Gmail.com.

The post How to Protect Yourself and Others From a Troubled Adult Child: A Lesson from Real Life appeared first on Dennis Beaver.

There is a great benefit in having a family doctor and lawyer who build strong, lasting relationships, often with several generations of the same family.

The result is more personalized, effective health care and prompt access to legal representation.

However, there is one particular upsetting frustration that can be a matter of life or death — or the result can be seeing your nervous client walk into the office holding a lawsuit they were just served with.

The frustration? A delayed heads-up that something is amiss. For example, a patient who waits for months before saying, “Doc, I think something’s not right.”

Or the client who admits to having taken the law into their own hands — months ago — and is worried about the expensive consequences.

What’s going on?

Plumbing contractors “Kevin” and “Julie” have been our clients for over 30 years. With one exception, they have bounced any significant legal decision off of us. That exception happens when issues with their children — all adults — cause their blood to boil.

On a recent Saturday morning, they called. Agitated, Kevin explained, “Our daughter, ‘Sandy,’ and her jerk of a husband, ‘Seth,’ rented an apartment located in the rear of our house.

Both are on the rental agreement. They recently separated, but he briefly returned a few days ago to grab some of his things.

“We knew that he had a temper. However, today Sandy admitted he has been physically abusive, and she has a black eye to prove it. She is terrified of him returning.”

Julie, in a trembling voice, added, “This creep just called us — he was clearly under the influence of something — and said that he was going to take half of everything we own, even though his name is nowhere on anything proving ownership, and he never once contributed money toward the property. Can he do that?”

I replied, “Not likely, but something tells me there is more to this, so tell me what’s going on now?”

A threatening phone call

Kevin then played the recording of a phone call he had with Seth:

“I am recording this conversation, Seth.”

“I don’t care what you are recording.”

“Stay away from Sandy and never set foot on our property, including the apartment, or you will regret it.”

“I am a paying tenant,” Seth yelled, “and I’m coming over now with some muscle! We are taking Sandy away from you creeps. Try to stop me, and you will regret it.”

“What should we do?” Sandy’s frightened parents asked.

In a calm tone of voice, I explained, “Normally, you would have the right to exclude anyone from your property who is not a current tenant or who poses a threat.

“But your daughter and Seth have both rented the rear house. If Seth is still a legal resident, then you cannot bar him from accessing the rental unit unless there is a restraining order or eviction judgment against him.”

I further explained that attempting to evict him could be seen as a form of unlawful eviction or interference with his tenancy rights.

However, if he has moved out, and there is evidence of him having relinquished the tenancy, this would be a strong argument in favor of barring him from entry, especially if Sandy is now the only tenant and his presence is threatening to her and, apparently, both Kevin and Julie.

Time to call law enforcement

Given the threat of “coming over with muscle,” this is the time for Sandy and her parents to immediately contact law enforcement.

In all states, while the exact terminology will be somewhat different, a law enforcement officer can request an emergency protective order (EPO) from a judge, which is typically available 24/7 in most jurisdictions.

The purpose of an EPO is to prevent future domestic violence/abuse, child abuse, abduction, stalking or abuse against an older person or dependent adult. An EPO can order the defendant to:

• Not contact people covered by the order

• Not harass, stalk, threaten or cause harm and stay a certain distance away from where they live, work or visit regularly

• Move out of a home that is shared with the protected person

• Not have guns, firearms and ammunition or body armor

Most family law attorneys would maintain that in this situation, the EPO would require a landlord to exclude the named defendant.

Also, some states allow landlords to change locks and take other safety measures for tenants who are victims of domestic violence, even without a court order.

An EPO is served on a defendant in person by a law enforcement officer and typically is effective for five to seven days.

If the person needs protection that lasts longer or wants to ask for other orders, they can apply for a restraining order.

Insight from a family law mediator

I ran this situation by Scott Levin, a friend of this column and in his 20th year of practicing family law, with a focus on mediation, in San Diego.

“I’ve had clients who own their homes and later allow a boyfriend to move in. When the relationship ends, they’re surprised to learn that renter protections can apply even without a lease or rent payments.

“Once someone lives there with permission, landlord/tenant law in many states gives them occupancy rights, and self-help eviction — like changing locks or tossing belongings — isn’t allowed.

“The best outcomes come from negotiation, not confrontation. A negotiated settlement can lead to a peaceful move-out and fair resolution, preserving dignity on both sides.”

Levin’s website features useful tips on dealing with several of life’s most challenging situations.

If you feel you may be a victim of abuse, reach out to the National Relationship Abuse Hotline at 800-799-7233. You can also visit their website.

Dennis Beaver Practices law in Bakersfield and welcomes comments and questions from readers,
which may be faxed to (661) 323-7993,
or e-mailed to Lagombeaver1 – at – Gmail.com.

The post A Nightmare for Parents: How to Navigate the Legal Boundaries of Tenant Rights During a Family Crisis appeared first on Dennis Beaver.

“Arthur” asked one of the most frequent questions I hear from readers about one of the biggest frustrations in estate planning:

“Is there some way to prevent a financially irresponsible child from squandering his inheritance and winding up on the street or from others trying to take those funds to satisfy debts?”

Arthur, who is 85, described his oldest son, “Abel,” as “a lifelong, irresponsible deadbeat who owes over $200,000 in past-due child and spousal support. His wages are being garnished, and anytime he puts money in a bank account, it is seized.

“All my assets would total close to a million dollars, and I want to leave everything to my four children equally. Abel wants me to have a family trust written with a ‘spendthrift’ clause that would completely protect his portion from all of his debts and judgments, including child and spousal support.

“I want to be sure he always has a roof over his head, but if this is true — as to support obligations — his total lack of morality makes me sick. His children did without because of their father being a flake, and my other kids hate him for his selfishness.

“A free family trust planning seminar is being put on next month by what I assume are lawyers who can create a trust for much less than a local estate planning attorney. What are your thoughts, Mr. Beaver? May we talk?”

Don’t fall for this scam

When we talked, it was clear Arthur was tempted to attend this “free lunch seminar” that was in reality a traveling “trust mill” scam not conducted by attorneys.

Usually, these seminars are held in hotels and use high-pressure, fear-based tactics on older people to sell them life insurance and other financial products that aren’t tailored to their individual needs. They also push completely useless, one-size-fits-no-one living trusts.

“Arthur,” I said, “we all want to save money, but a seminar like this isn’t the way to develop an estate plan that meets your specific goals. A lawyer whose practice is focused on estate planning is so valuable.”

He agreed, and then I asked, “What memory do you want your other children and family to have of you — as being fair to everyone or favoring an irresponsible deadbeat?”

Fair does not mean equal

I noted that it’s not written in stone that a parent must give their estate to the children equally. When an inheritance goes to a child whose siblings justifiably consider irresponsible, dishonest and manipulative or simply undeserving, that parent — from the grave — has uncorked a bottle of bitterness that’s been aging for years.

“Do you want to be seen as a co-conspirator with someone you clearly have disdain for? I I suspect you’ve dug into your own pockets to help out his former wife and children. Arthur, tell me I am wrong.”

“No, you’re so right, Dennis,” he haltingly replied, his voice choking with emotion.

What is a spendthrift clause, and how does it work?

My reader is correct that a spendthrift provision in a trust prevents the voluntary and involuntary transfer of a beneficiary’s interest — making them unable to give their inheritance to anyone. Most creditors cannot take any of the trust funds.

So, this powerful clause in an estate plan is highly effective in protecting the beneficiary from themselves and others, helping:

•  To avoid the inheritance being lost to addiction, gambling and risk of squandering due to impaired cognitive abilities

• To protect beneficiaries who are financially irresponsible, vulnerable to manipulation or facing legal claims

• To preserve family wealth for future generations

• Until the assets are distributed, Abel would not own them, and they would remain untouchable by his creditors. It would just take a paragraph in Arthur’s estate plan directing that his share of the inheritance go into a trust managed by a trustee.

A trustee, as described by the courts, is a trusted individual or a professional fiduciary.

A trustee could be a family member, but that would be dangerous when we have a con, flake or manipulative sibling who could easily threaten violence unless they’re given what they want.

Other uses for a spendthrift clause

Arthur has other options, too. For example, a parent could tack on to a trust certain requirements to meet before a beneficiary can receive a portion of the inheritance, such as:

• Completing high school, college or vocational school

• Remaining employed or actively looking for work

• Verifiably keeping free of drug or alcohol abuse

• Avoiding being convicted of crimes that call for actual time in custody

Particular to beneficiaries like Abel, the beneficiary can be required to:

• Submit and follow a budget approved by the trustee

• Pay down debts and not take on obligations he cannot meet given his income

• Stay current on all support orders

• A spendthrift clause is not bulletproof

While a spendthrift clause prevents most creditors from taking trust assets, certain government entities can bypass the protections, and some legal obligations can lead to assets being seized. Some examples:

• Claims for unpaid taxes or fines imposed by government entities

• Criminal fines and restitution in most states

• Unpaid child and spousal support in most states

Also, it’s worth noting that once the assets are distributed to the beneficiary, the protection of the spendthrift clause is lost.

Most parents work hard for their families to put food on the table. I do not know any older adults who would knowingly help “an Abel” benefit from an inheritance when he stiffed their grandchildren’s mother and the kids.

I am glad that Arthur reached out. It is time for him to retain an estate attorney.

Dennis Beaver Practices law in Bakersfield and welcomes comments and questions from readers,
which may be faxed to (661) 323-7993,
or e-mailed to Lagombeaver1 – at – Gmail.com.

The post The Spendthrift Trap: Here’s One Way to Protect Your Legacy From an Irresponsible Heir appeared first on Dennis Beaver.

“Mr. Beaver, my father is an optician with three optical stores in our state. We lost Mom two years ago and just recently Dad has been going out with Hillary, who is 50 and a widow. I hired a private investigator who did a background on her, and there is nothing of public record that is bothersome.

“They get along well and we have not seen Dad so happy in a long time. They are discussing living together to test their relationship, aiming at marriage. He is terrified of being alone, again. What worries me is that he is behaving like a high school kid with his first infatuation.

“I am concerned about their financial disparity; Dad is wealthy, and Hillary has more modest means. I do not think she is a gold digger, but one never knows. I believe they need some sort of a cohabitation agreement if they do move in together, but do not get married. However, Dad does not want to disturb the waters with a formal agreement. What do you recommend? Thanks, “Darren.”

Protect Dad from Himself

“Darren’s father is fortunate. His son worries about him becoming a victim of his own need for companionship,” observes Scott Levin, in his 20th year of practicing family law in San Diego, focusing on mediation. “Testing their relationship by living together day-in and day-out is valid for many couples.

“While cohabitation is extremely common today, unmarried couples lack the legal protection marriage provides, virtually assuring disputes over who owns what and who is responsible for shared debts, even if one partner contributed more to acquiring property during the relationship.

“That’s why cohabitation and Domestic Partnership Agreements are essential legal instruments that describe the rights and responsibilities of partners who choose to live together without marriage, especially where there is a large disparity in finances.

“The longer relationships continue without a written agreement — if things go south — couples often face a nightmare, especially if illness or death occurs. Anyone who has watched Judge Judy has seen her scold people for ‘playing house,’ sometimes for years, expecting a judge to straighten out their finances. Courts typically leave the parties where they are.”

Specific Risks with No Cohabitation Agreement

Levin listed several examples of what can result where there is no cohabitation agreement, or a Domestic Partnership.

(1) How Property is Titled Determines Ownership:

A home is purchased in Joe’s name and he is living with Carol. Regardless if both made payments, in general, it will go to Joe. If they are in a community property state, those laws do not apply as there is no community, since there was no marriage.

(2) Difficulty in Obtaining Health Insurance:

If you want to add your non-married partner to your work health insurance, many insurance plans refuse to do so.

(3) No Right to Make Medical Decisions for the other Person:

Without a medical power of attorney, there is no right to make medical decisions for the partner or obtain health information.

(4) Without a Trust or Will, No Inheritance Rights:

In states that do not recognize Common Law marriage, couples could live together for years, and, unless there is a trust or will, the surviving partner has no inheritance rights. If the home is in Joe’s name and he dies, Carol could become homeless.

Domestic Partnerships Provide Significant Legal Protections

A Domestic Partnership provides many of the benefits of an actual marriage. Levin lists several:

– Defining property ownership rights acquired during the relationship;

– What happens in the event of a separation?

– Sharing of household expenses.

– Responsibility for debt acquired during the relationship.

– The power to make health care decisions.

– The ability to file suit for wrongful death.

‘Renter’s Rights!’

Levin points out that if Hillary moves into his father’s house and things fall apart, there is a possibility that she could acquire renter’s rights.

“Just imagine the stress on Darren’s father with someone living in his home who he has to go to court to get her to leave. The cost and emotional toll would be enormous. All the more reason to have something in writing that addresses this issue, for example, giving her written notice and so many days to move.

“The flip side of the coin is offering Hillary protection in the event Dad dies and his children come in and boot her out. So, basic fairness is essential.”

Advice to Couples Committed and Living Together

“Be clear in your communication and honest with your goals. Talk about money and long-term plans. Share information about your finances — what the other person makes and owns. It is better to have a clear understanding in order to avoid a misunderstanding later.

Does one of you see a marriage occurring, or the other, not? Your relationship must be on the same page or it will fail.

“Protect each other with a cohabitation agreement, estate documents in place so you have plans and protection in place in the event of a break-up or death while together, but not married.

“I believe in the commitment of marriage. It is not just a piece of paper.”

Dennis Beaver Practices law in Bakersfield and welcomes comments and questions from readers,
which may be faxed to (661) 323-7993,
or e-mailed to Lagombeaver1 – at – Gmail.com.

The post Who needs a cohabitation agreement? appeared first on Dennis Beaver.

How deeply into the daily lives of couples should family law judges venture?

That was the ultimate question from a reader in a situation that, despite “living” in divorce court for many years, I had never been asked. For anyone considering law as a career and who cares more about helping than seeing their photo on a billboard and a fat bank balance, then today’s story shows you one of the reasons why becoming a lawyer is a path to understanding the human condition.

Our story began with a phone call from “Sandrine”: “Mr. Beaver, I own an insurance brokerage, and ‘Roy’ is my top producer. His wife, ‘Pam,’ is with me right now, and we are worried. You are on speaker, and she will explain why we are calling and need your help.”

Pam said, “Roy recently began participating in triathlon competitions. He is in his late 40s, and for men in his age bracket and older, there is a much higher risk of sudden cardiac death. I want him to be here for our 11-year-old twin boys! We grew apart, are going through an amicable divorce, and I obviously need him to help support our family. Our boys are just crazy about him. Is it reasonable of me to ask a family law judge to order Roy to give up these triathlons for our sons’ sake?”

The risks of triathlons

Many studies establish that running a triathlon is a severe test of physical fitness. Even if a person is in good shape, there is a small risk of sudden cardiac death, most likely to occur in the swimming portion of the race — usually the first part of the triathlon.

The rate of death is generally agreed to be 1.74 per 100,000 competitors. While that seems like a small number, the overall figure in healthy athletes, for comparison, is 0.5 per 100,000 per year. Stated otherwise, participating in a triathlon raises the risk of death by a factor of more than 1,000.

I wondered how folks from various walks of life would view this situation and framed the question this way: “Given the small but real potential of death in participating in a triathlon, should a family law judge get involved in a parent’s participation in dangerous sporting activities?”

Only one person — a family law attorney’s paralegal — felt that the best interests of the children should encourage a judge to address a parent’s choice of sports if that activity statistically could lead to his death. She also recommended obtaining a large life insurance policy on him.

Comments from family law attorneys/judges

When I ran the question by family law attorneys and judges, their responses were almost identical. Below, I paraphrase three of them — Southern California Certified Family Law Specialists Ed Thomas and Glen Rabenn and the Honorable Scott Gordon, who retired from the Los Angeles Superior Court, spending over 17 years in family court and is now a mediator.

They said that it would be extremely unlikely for a judge to tell the father that he could not participate in a triathlon. This is particularly true if his doctor thinks it is OK, and the request is being made by his soon-to-be ex-wife. Judges will view the request as an attempt to control her former husband’s behavior.

A better case could be made for a court order that prohibits the father from smoking, drinking alcohol or doing drugs. In the right circumstances, courts will give orders prohibiting a parent from doing those things when they are around their children.

Most judges believe that, if you want to kill yourself by living an unhealthy lifestyle, it is your business and not something with which a court should be involved. Does anyone seriously think a judge has the power to order a parent to stop overeating?

Think of hockey, equestrian competitions, scuba diving, even driving a car. Courts cannot get involved in telling a parent what they can or should do unless it poses some risk of harm to the children.

My Zoom session with the family

Sandrine, Pam, Roy and, to my surprise, the boys were all in our Zoom session, which initially was filled with laughter and hugs, making me wonder why this couple wanted to divorce.

I began our discussion: “Roy, you know that everyone here is concerned about your well-being and wants you to quit these triathlons due to the small but real risk of death. A family law judge isn’t likely to tell you to stop. Frankly, I did not expect your sons to be here, but since they are 11 years old, let’s hear from them.”

“Daddy, we love you and are scared when you go to these events.” Their faces instantly transformed from smiles to fear and tears, and then they were enveloped by Roy and Pam in an embrace that left me with a lump in my throat.

“Roy,” I said, “all I ask is that you think it over.” He agreed.

The following day

Roy phoned and said, “Mr. Beaver, not only am I quitting triathlons, but Pam and I made an appointment to see a marriage counselor. Thanks so much.”

I replied, “Thank your boss, Sandrine. Our meeting was her idea.”

Dennis Beaver Practices law in Bakersfield and welcomes comments and questions from readers,
which may be faxed to (661) 323-7993,
or e-mailed to Lagombeaver1 – at – Gmail.com.

The post Can a Judge Tell a Father to Avoid Risky Triathlons for His Sons? appeared first on Dennis Beaver.

Lawyers are often witness to the very best, and worst, behaviors of clients and their children.

“Mitch,” an attorney in Louisville, Kentucky, had a request:

“Dennis, I would like you to address the legal consequences — and advice —for parents who enable their children, making them feel that all is owed them, which often results in criminal behavior when they are adults and suddenly the money tap is turned off by the death or incapacity of a parent.

“I can’t tell you how many adult children of financially successful families we have bailed out of jail for fraud, passing their parents’ stolen checks, and financial elder abuse, all because one parent or the other could not say no.

“We stopped pointing out these failures to our clients, because each time we did, they fired us. We’ve seen a lot of great parents, and sadly, many helicopter parents who have ruined their kids’ chance at becoming self-sufficient adults.”

My Gold-Plated Scheaffer Fountain Pen

Years ago, I used a beautiful gold-plated Scheaffer fountain pen to take notes when in trial. One day the badly enabled son of a client — who I had just gotten out of jail — stopped by and asked for some water.

The pen was on my desk. I got him water, and he left. Afterwards I could not find my pen.

Later my client called and said, “My boy just bought himself a gold-plated fountain pen. I never knew he liked such things!”

When I told him that he had stolen my pen, he fired me.

Helicopter Parents Can’t Say No

I spoke with social psychologist Susan Newman, Ph.D., author of “The Book of No: 365 Ways to Say it and Mean it ― and Stop People-Pleasing Forever.” It addresses saying no to your children, whatever their ages, and why that’s important.

I asked her, “What creates a failed adult?”

(1) Parents who can’t say no to their children:

Beginning when they are very young, the child starts to feel entitled. They aren’t allowed to make decisions for themselves. Their helicopter or lawnmower parents, plow down every obstacle in their child’s way. So, as young adults they have no resilience to any kind of failure.

They don’t have to work hard for anything. If they mess up, mom or dad is there to take care of it.

This comes back to haunt parents when they have young adults who can’t stand on their own two feet and still expect someone to bail them out.

(2) Fail to see your children as adults:

These parents slip back into their “mommy, daddy with a 10 year-old child role,” and have dinner waiting every night, pick up their dirty dishes, do their laundry, and so on. Stop treating them like guests.

You can do this by not covering all their expenses, or paying to put gas in the car. If they have a part-time job, make them responsible for some token amount of rent.

Have them mow the lawn. Do the grocery shopping this week. Say, “You handle dinner.”

Don’t run interference in their job hunting or their dating life. Back off – these are young adults, not teenagers.

(3) Giving kids the things the parents never had is often the basis of these behaviors:

Now that the parents have money, they want to give the kids the things they felt deprived of.

Psychologically, it is filling a void in their lives, thinking back when their own parents could not come to a soccer game or weren’t there for them.

These parents feel they should make life easier for their children, but it is just the opposite. They aren’t helping, rather, they are preventing the child from facing adversity and developing fortitude and independence.

(4) Having no exit plan when adult children stay or return home:

Yes, there are some cultures where the kids remain at home until they marry. But, assuming there are no disabilities or chronic mental illness, the adult children we are talking about never leave.

And when it is chronic and the parents are being taken advantage of, this is when it becomes a major problem. When the parents finally turn off the tap, it can lead to criminal behavior.

Parents need to set a time limit in which to leave the home. Perhaps six months, perhaps a year.

But you need to create a negotiated “out” date.

Concluding our interview, Dr. Newman cautions:

“Don’t give up your social life to always be there to help your adult child out. Eventually – hopefully – your child will leave, and you do not want to break off all your connections to your larger world.

Explain how their living on their own benefits everyone. The Book of No: 365 Ways to Say it and Mean it―and Stop People-Pleasing Forever is a terrific read. If you know someone like the parents described here, maybe have it delivered anonymously.

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There are times when the greatest help your lawyer can provide is in not doing what you request. In a recent article about suing for defamation, we looked at the “Streisand Effect,” calling attention to something no one would know a thing about until it became a lawsuit.

Lawyers who want to protect their clients from unneeded negative publicity cite the Streisand Effect as the rationale for telling them, “Here’s why I recommend against filing that lawsuit. I am here to help, not hurt you.”

But what if you’ve got – in your opinion – a solid case, are trying to find an attorney to file suit, but the lawyers you speak with think the whole idea is wrong and don’t want to hurt your feelings? What do they say?

“Jim” was one of those clients as I learned in a phone call from he and his wife, “Theresa.”

14 year-old Son ID’d for Vandalism

“Our 14 year-old son, Caleb, attends a private school that has a grooming standard – no crazy hair styles allowed and students must be respectful and quiet in class,” Theresa said.

“But recently he started interrupting teachers, and wearing his hair in outlandish ways to school that makes him a real stand out in an unacceptable way. He has been taken to the vice principal’s office several times, given warnings, with little change in his ‘in your face’ behavior which is not appropriate.”

Jim interrupted his wife, saying, “I disagree and support Caleb! The school is after him!”

Classroom Vandalized

The couple related that a teacher – working in his classroom one Saturday afternoon – identified Caleb, by his hair, as one of three youths who vandalized school property. The police were called and the next day, Sunday, came to their home and took Caleb to the police station, where he was interviewed.

“But he was with us, at home all Saturday! Jim yelled. We told the police that but they only believed us when school video was retrieved showing three kids who are not even students at the school, one of whom had a hair style similar to our son’s.”

I Want to Sue the School and Police

Jim made it clear that he wants, “to sue the school, the teacher and the police.” But Theresa thinks, “This is completely wrong. Everyone was polite with our son, and they had to do their job. They cleared him immediately after viewing the video, and in fact, Caleb experienced first-hand the results of how appearance can be so important.”

“I have called the top personal injury lawyers in our town,” Jim said. “They all say that we have a great case, but were too busy or don’t handle school matters. I asked to be referred to a colleague, but none of them had any suggestion. Mr. Beaver, is this a conspiracy or what?” he wanted to know.

Translation of ‘Great Case But I’m too busy’ + No Referrals

Lawyers do not reject good, money-making cases. No matter how busy, there is always a way to take on a new case. This often means signing up the client and then associating in a colleague in return for a percentage of compensation recovered.

A good example are the “We’ll Fight for You!” auto accident law firms who advertise on television, billboards, on buses and online. Staffed mainly by paralegals, they take in thousands of accident cases and are hoping for one with catastrophic injuries or death – which they refer to litigation counsel for a split of attorney fees.

If you hear, “This really is a great case, but I am swamped right now so you will need to find some other attorney,” AND the lawyer gives you names of another attorney to call, this is some evidence that you have a case worth pursuing.

However, if you ask for names but are told, “I just don’t know anyone to refer you to,” this is probably code for “I am not going to send this nothing of a case to a colleague who will get mad at me.”

Filtered by Gatekeepers

Today, depending upon where you live and the number of lawyers in your area, the chances of actually speaking with an attorney are often greatly reduced even though you may have phoned credible, competent and professionally run law firms.

Why? It’s because a paralegal will act as a gatekeeper, filtering out those calls that do not present a “real” money-making case.

As Jim lives in a town with a population of 100,000, he was able to speak with lawyers, hearing the same thing: “Great case but I am swamped!” and was given no referrals, and worst of all, wasn’t told why no one was interested.

Lawyers do not like telling clients or potential clients, “You’ve got no case. Forget it.” They are afraid of being sued for malpractice, when, in fact, there was a real case, but the information given to the lawyer left out important details.

There is a point when clients need to use common sense. That’s what I told Jim after he said, “I actually spoke with attorney X (one of the most successful personal injury lawyers in his town) who told me the same thing – that he was just too busy.”

“Jim, I would tell you the same thing. Here is my suggestion; figure out what’s bothering Caleb. Don’t blame the school. But I have a referral – to a family therapist.”

“Please give me the number, Mr. Beaver, and thanks for taking the time to talk with us. No one else seemed to care, but you do.”

Dennis Beaver practices law in Bakersfield and enjoys hearing from his readers. Contact Dennis Beaver.

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“I stumbled across evidence that my husband, ‘Chris’ is again stealing from his employer.

“He works at a golf course and pockets cash from golfers. He doesn’t record their tee times so there isn’t a record of them playing or names on a tee sheet. He stole $14,000 last golf season and so far he’s taken over $2,000 this season. The owner — who is a longtime, close friend — is unaware.

“He keeps the stolen cash in empty golf ball boxes in a drawer in his Man Cave – a spare bedroom – which I recently discovered. Amazingly, he records what he takes each day in a calendar notebook, taking anywhere from $25 to $175 every day depending on how busy the golf course is that day. He’s a gambler and has been kicked out of most of the casinos in our area.

“I love golf and could play anytime but I’m so disgusted and disturbed by what Chris is doing that I can’t bring myself to go there.

“I’m full of resentment and terrified that he could take me down with him. What should I do? Thanks, ‘Mona.’”

Photos of Cash and A Calendar Showing Dates of Theft

Attached to Mona’s email were photos of something like $20,000 in clean, new $100 bills, along with pages from a calendar indicating how much money was taken on certain days, with a running total of over $14,000.

“It was spooky looking at evidence of this embezzlement – and in his own handwriting! He did the same thing at a different golf course some years ago, but I thought he had stopped. All of what he stole went to support his gambling habit. I never saw one cent of the money and he did not purchase anything for our home, pay bills, nothing!”

Many Issues Involved Here

I ran Mona’s question by a retired police detective, a private investigator, and a CPA with the national accounting firm CBIZ, each one beginning their evaluation with these questions: “When did she first know or have reason to know of his thefts? Does she want to remain married to this thief?”

Advice from a Private Investigator

California-licensed private investigator Riley Parker observes that, “Spouses discovering embezzlement usually happens one of two ways: (1) The thief uses the stolen money to buy things for themselves or the family, so it is obvious, or (2) it is discovered accidentally as might have happened here.

“This is important if law enforcement becomes involved, for if she in any way participated or knowingly benefitted, she’s dirty and subject to prosecution.

“Given his stealing in the past, I see her at risk and therefore should retain a criminal defense attorney in addition to at the very least, a consultation with a divorce lawyer. At some point in time, the IRS might need to be contacted, in an attempt to establish herself as an innocent spouse but I would only do this through counsel.”

Law Enforcement’s Opinion

“Tony Mosley, a 25-year veteran of the Bakersfield Police Department, recently retired as a detective, provided these recommendations:

“Her specific course of action will depend on whether he knows she has discovered the theft and is willing to admit it and her ability to distance herself from what he has done.

“She should immediately get the money and related evidence out of the house and put it in some safe place until it can be returned to the employer which should be done with the help of a criminal defense attorney.

“From my experience, it is very doubtful that law enforcement would be interested in getting involved if the funds were returned, as she is trying to make things right. But she certainly will have sealed her husband’s fate as an employee.”

The Innocent Spouse Relief with the IRS

“If your readers have filed a joint tax return, she could be liable for a potentially large tax bill she and Chris face from his theft,” observes Southern-California based CPA, Greg Braun, with the national accounting firm of CBIZ.

“By not declaring the stolen money as income, tax and penalties would be owed. However, Mona can file for relief under the innocent spouse rule. IRS Publication 971 tells us that:

“If her application is granted, she will not be liable for tax or the penalties that stem from her husband’s failure to declare the income from these stolen funds. She must meet the following conditions to qualify for innocent spouse relief.

1. They filed a joint return.

2. There is an understated tax on the return that is due to erroneous items of her spouse.

3. When she signed the joint return she did not know, and had no reason to know, that the understated tax existed.

4. Taking into account all the facts and circumstances, it would be unfair to hold her liable for the understated tax.

Additional Recommendations

I asked Mona if Chris had ever been violent with her? “No, not physically, but verbally, especially when discussing his gambling addiction which he denies,” she replied.

“Then unless he gets into Gamblers Anonymous, you know what that means for your marriage, right?” She agreed and promised to keep me in the loop.

Dennis Beaver practices law in Bakersfield and enjoys hearing from his readers. Contact Dennis Beaver.

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