February 14, 2025 • By Dennis Beaver
“Mr. Beaver, my father is an optician with three optical stores in our state. We lost Mom two years ago and just recently Dad has been going out with Hillary, who is 50 and a widow. I hired a private investigator who did a background on her, and there is nothing of public record that is bothersome.
“They get along well and we have not seen Dad so happy in a long time. They are discussing living together to test their relationship, aiming at marriage. He is terrified of being alone, again. What worries me is that he is behaving like a high school kid with his first infatuation.
“I am concerned about their financial disparity; Dad is wealthy, and Hillary has more modest means. I do not think she is a gold digger, but one never knows. I believe they need some sort of a cohabitation agreement if they do move in together, but do not get married. However, Dad does not want to disturb the waters with a formal agreement. What do you recommend? Thanks, “Darren.”
Protect Dad from Himself
“Darren’s father is fortunate. His son worries about him becoming a victim of his own need for companionship,” observes Scott Levin, in his 20th year of practicing family law in San Diego, focusing on mediation. “Testing their relationship by living together day-in and day-out is valid for many couples.
“While cohabitation is extremely common today, unmarried couples lack the legal protection marriage provides, virtually assuring disputes over who owns what and who is responsible for shared debts, even if one partner contributed more to acquiring property during the relationship.
“That’s why cohabitation and Domestic Partnership Agreements are essential legal instruments that describe the rights and responsibilities of partners who choose to live together without marriage, especially where there is a large disparity in finances.
“The longer relationships continue without a written agreement — if things go south — couples often face a nightmare, especially if illness or death occurs. Anyone who has watched Judge Judy has seen her scold people for ‘playing house,’ sometimes for years, expecting a judge to straighten out their finances. Courts typically leave the parties where they are.”
Specific Risks with No Cohabitation Agreement
Levin listed several examples of what can result where there is no cohabitation agreement, or a Domestic Partnership.
(1) How Property is Titled Determines Ownership:
A home is purchased in Joe’s name and he is living with Carol. Regardless if both made payments, in general, it will go to Joe. If they are in a community property state, those laws do not apply as there is no community, since there was no marriage.
(2) Difficulty in Obtaining Health Insurance:
If you want to add your non-married partner to your work health insurance, many insurance plans refuse to do so.
(3) No Right to Make Medical Decisions for the other Person:
Without a medical power of attorney, there is no right to make medical decisions for the partner or obtain health information.
(4) Without a Trust or Will, No Inheritance Rights:
In states that do not recognize Common Law marriage, couples could live together for years, and, unless there is a trust or will, the surviving partner has no inheritance rights. If the home is in Joe’s name and he dies, Carol could become homeless.
Domestic Partnerships Provide Significant Legal Protections
A Domestic Partnership provides many of the benefits of an actual marriage. Levin lists several:
– Defining property ownership rights acquired during the relationship;
– What happens in the event of a separation?
– Sharing of household expenses.
– Responsibility for debt acquired during the relationship.
– The power to make health care decisions.
– The ability to file suit for wrongful death.
‘Renter’s Rights!’
Levin points out that if Hillary moves into his father’s house and things fall apart, there is a possibility that she could acquire renter’s rights.
“Just imagine the stress on Darren’s father with someone living in his home who he has to go to court to get her to leave. The cost and emotional toll would be enormous. All the more reason to have something in writing that addresses this issue, for example, giving her written notice and so many days to move.
“The flip side of the coin is offering Hillary protection in the event Dad dies and his children come in and boot her out. So, basic fairness is essential.”
Advice to Couples Committed and Living Together
“Be clear in your communication and honest with your goals. Talk about money and long-term plans. Share information about your finances — what the other person makes and owns. It is better to have a clear understanding in order to avoid a misunderstanding later.
Does one of you see a marriage occurring, or the other, not? Your relationship must be on the same page or it will fail.
“Protect each other with a cohabitation agreement, estate documents in place so you have plans and protection in place in the event of a break-up or death while together, but not married.
“I believe in the commitment of marriage. It is not just a piece of paper.”
Dennis Beaver Practices law in Bakersfield and welcomes comments and questions from readers,
which may be faxed to (661) 323-7993,
or e-mailed to Lagombeaver1 – at – Gmail.com.