July 6, 2026  • By Dennis Beaver

“Barry,” a reader in Reno, Nevada, was “losing hair over this,” he said on a phone call describing the mess he and his former fiancée are in.

“Five years ago, planning to be married, ‘Christy’ and I bought a home with acreage in the country. But I admit I was a jerk and kept putting off marriage until she grew tired of my excuses, so we broke up. Both of our names are on the deeds, but only my name is on the loan, and she will not agree on a sales price.

“I paid for an appraisal and was given an asking price far higher than Christy got from a lending institution. I then spoke with a lawyer who said that the courts will not generally get involved in situations like this involving unmarried couples. Why, Mr. Beaver, to both questions?”

Barry needed to understand why marriage solves these problems.

Ownership and the loan are completely separate

Without a written agreement on how property will be dealt with in the event of a breakup, if only one partner signs the mortgage, that partner alone is legally responsible for the entire loan. This is true even if both verbally agree to split payments and do so. It’s also true even if both names are on the deed.

Meanwhile, the partner not on the loan has full ownership rights, with no obligation to make payments, because their name is on the deed. “True love” often creates the worst possible mismatch of rights and responsibilities.

Do not look to the courts for help

Unlike married couples who have divorce courts to divide property, in most jurisdictions, unmarried couples do not. I can’t begin to count the number of times I’ve heard, “It feels like I am drowning,” when the person on the loan realizes they:

• Cannot force their ex to refinance
• Cannot force them to sell
•Cannot force them to move out

Their only option is to retain counsel and file a partition action, at substantial legal expense.

The ultimate in getting even?

No one wants to feel used or misled, so anyone who commits to marriage and then keeps pushing back the date may have a certain karma coming.

When both names are on the title, both parties must agree to sell the property. That gives one partner the opportunity to block the sale just by being unreasonable.

Christy can remain in the house and even stop making half of the mortgage payment. Unless Barry makes the full payment, his credit would be at risk, while no damage is done to hers.

That said, if both were to stop making payments, this would result in a foreclosure. The property would be taken over by the lending institution, which might negotiate a rental agreement with the occupant — Christy — or simply evict her.

Going a step further, unmarried couples, in my experience, never give a second thought to what happens if one of them dies. Here’s what can result:

• Without a will or trust, the surviving partner may inherit nothing
• The deceased partner’s family may inherit their share of the house
• The survivor may suddenly co-own the home with the deceased partner’s family
• The lender may demand a refinance the survivor will not qualify for and lose the house

Asking price can be a huge struggle

Agreeing on an asking price can create another struggle, as Barry is learning.

I asked real estate appraiser Atom Levi, of A.L. Appraisal Co. in Sacramento, California, who has both MAI and SRA professional appraisal designations, to explain the difference in asking prices.

“They serve different purposes,” he told me. “A lender’s appraisal is conservative, intended to protect its collateral and answers one question: ‘Is this property safe security for our loan?’

“Lenders often use automated valuation models (AVMs) or desktop appraisals when possible. These rely on public data, which can miss nuances such as upgrades, views or micro market trends.

“However, a private appraisal (the one Barry obtained) is designed to tell us: ‘What is the property actually worth in the current market?’ Independent appraisers work for the homeowner, not the lender, conducting a deeper analysis with a physical inspection, verifying square footage, evaluating comparable sales and considering neighborhood trends more deeply.”

How not to become a ‘Barry’

Buying a home together before marriage may seem romantic, but it is not. It is a business partnership, and without legal protections, the consequences can be financially and emotionally devastating.

Any couple considering this dance around land mines needs either:

• A written cohabitation/property agreement, or
• A registered domestic partnership, depending on where you live

I advised Barry to retain a real estate attorney, or he may never awaken from the nightmare he created for himself by being a self-admitted jerk.

Dennis Beaver Practices law in Bakersfield and welcomes comments and questions from readers,
which may be faxed to (661) 323-7993,
or e-mailed to Lagombeaver1 – at – Gmail.com.

The post Buying a House Together When You’re Not Married? A Lawyer Explains Why It’s One of the Worst Financial Moves You Can Make appeared first on Dennis Beaver.

“Mr. Beaver, I manage one of the largest machine shops in the Midwest and work with some of the brightest, most intelligent people on the planet. A machinist must have a superior knowledge of mathematics, and logical thinking is absolutely necessary,” “Tony’s” email began.

“However, skepticism is not a job requirement, and that is painfully true with ‘Will,’ who is the victim in a catfishing scam. He is 55, single, lonely, and his social — dating — skills are minimal due to him being terribly shy. He met a ‘lady(?)’ on (a dating) website, and over the past year, we all can see that she doesn’t exist, yet Will is sending her money. Each time they arrange to meet, something comes up, and she can’t make it. He is a scam victim, and nothing we say deters him from sending even more money! Have you got any ideas?”

‘How stupid can you be?’

I ran the question by Orlando-based Chris Hadnagy. He is a recognized world-leading social engineer, author of Human Hacking (Harper Business, 2021), speaker and adjunct professor at the University of Arizona. He had several suggestions, beginning with what not to say or do.

1. Don’t say, “You have fallen for what is obviously a scam! How stupid can you be? Obviously, they are not a real person.”

This approach will not work, as you are insulting the person. They have a lot of shame already and are feeling protective of this relationship. Now you have just called them out, and no one likes to be called out on a perceived shortcoming. Plus, sometimes when we tell someone to not do something, they want to do it more.

2. Don’t contact the suspicious person on the side and threaten, “If you don’t leave my mom (or my friend) alone, you’ll regret it!”

Sending various threats is not a good idea, as that person will contact their victim and say, “Why did your boss say that he was going to hurt me? What’s going on between you two?”

So, now the scammer will use that as an opportunity to alienate the family and friends even more, saying things like: “They don’t understand our relationship.” “They don’t get it!” “I don’t want them reaching out to me like that ever again!”

3. Don’t print out articles about romance scams to show the victim. That rarely works, and it often makes them even more determined to protect the scammer.

Even though there is the objective, intellectual proof they are just like the people in the articles, all reasoning is abandoned — they refuse to accept it — due to what psychologists call the commitment and consistency principle. “When our brains commit to something, we hate to be inconsistent and will look for proof that we are right and exclude proof that we are wrong. Our brains do not like things that are inconsistent. It feels bad.

So, when this person is committed to “the love of my life, I believe it,” and if you show them a bunch of articles, they will reply, “I’m sorry those people fell for a scam, but that’s not me.”

Here’s what can work

So instead of doing the above three things, you can encourage your loved one to obtain verification that the person they are dealing with is real. Ask them, “Have you done any video calls? Have you ever talked with her live, a chat where you can see each other?” Often, the response is that they have not, so you then say, “Why not get on the phone with them before sending any more money?”

As long as you sound concerned, they will likely not become defensive. However, anyone in a stage of infatuation is not necessarily thinking critically. So, using sound reasoning with them might not be successful. You might then ask, “If this is the love of your life, don’t you want to meet her in person? Meet her friends and family? Maybe you should plan a trip to see her or fly her here for a visit.”

Warn your loved one to be on guard against excuses such as “my webcam is broken.”

Another approach would be to ask, “If you had a son or daughter in the same situation as you are now, what would you want them to do just to be sure that the person really exists?”

Hadnagy concluded our interview with this advice for loved ones of romance scams:

As we do with kids when we warn them about strangers and drugs, talk with your older family members about being wary of people reaching out and being extra nice, in case all they really want is money.

Request that they let you know if a stranger starts chatting them up. That way, you can look into it before a scam can take root.

Do not make older people feel stupid, or they will refuse to come to you for advice.

Hadnagy also provided this advice for potential scam victims:

If you are getting wonderful emails and calls from someone who found you online, go to the people you trust and ask them, “What do you think about this?” And really listen to what they tell you.

If you have sent money and realize afterward that it is a scam, report it to law enforcement before you end the relationship, as the police might be able to set up a sting and apprehend them.

To learn more about Hadnagy’s social engineering expertise, I recommend visiting his website, www.social-engineer.com.

Dennis Beaver Practices law in Bakersfield and welcomes comments and questions from readers,
which may be faxed to (661) 323-7993,
or e-mailed to Lagombeaver1 – at – Gmail.com.

The post Your Loved One Fell for a Romance Scam: What Not to Do appeared first on Dennis Beaver.