“Recently, the insurance property adjusting firm I work for hired a brother and sister, ‘Jack and Jill,’ who are competent, but their behavior around our supervisor, who is a bully, is creating a toxic environment. They are the very definition of suck-ups.

“To avoid burnout, there is an understanding with upper management about the number of hours a week we should work, which the supervisor hates. Even though it’s clear they aren’t happy being stepped on, Jack and Jill do whatever he wants, even working entire weekends, making the rest of us look lazy.

“When they praise his drive and work ethic — openly, so we hear the compliments — I just want to puke! We are all wondering why these two are so willing to be doormats. I heard Jill whisper to her brother that the supervisor reminds her of their dad. So I am thinking, ‘They are acting like victims of domestic abuse.’

“Is there something the rest of us can read that would help in understanding the dynamics and what, if anything, we can do to help them? They do not seem to be able to just say, ‘No more,’ and people are talking about quitting this place. Thanks, ‘Leon,’ on behalf of my coworkers.”

The need to please can be related to domestic abuse

“Dennis, your reader has very good insight,” says Los Angeles-based clinical psychologist Dr. Ingrid Clayton after I read her Leon’s email. “This sounds like people who were exposed to domestic trauma, learning to please and appease an abusive parent. We call that ‘fawning.'”

Clayton is the author of Fawning: Why the Need to Please Makes Us Lose Ourselves — and How to Find the Way Back, which will be published in September.

I was sent an advanced copy of this fascinating book that shines a spotlight on why we sometimes bend over backward to please a jerk, or, as Clayton notes, “to at least get that person to leave us alone, because we are afraid.”

Saying ‘yes’ when ‘no’ is called for

We’ve all known someone who was unable to stand up to unfairness at home or on the job, who caved in, saying “yes” when “no” was called for, ultimately trying to avoid some type of feared or perceived harm by appeasing the abuser.

I’ve seen this kind of conduct often in my law practice and always wonder and sometimes even ask clients: “Why are you caving in?”

Clayton’s book helped me understand how a series of life events steals from so many people what the Cowardly Lion was searching for in The Wizard of Oz — courage.

She gives us a key to understanding this disturbing element of behavior. Fawning is an insightful read — a true eye-opener — for business majors, HR consultants, managers at all levels and families who are frustrated by actions they don’t understand.

“Dennis, fight, flight and freeze are responses to perceived physical or psychological threats,” Clayton says. “But now, we are aware of the fawn response, which can become an ingrained, harmful behavior.

“Fawning is a people-pleasing strategy to stay safe by appeasing others. And, yes, while compassion and empathy are important life qualities, excessive and unhealthy fawning often results in blurred boundaries and difficulty asserting one’s needs.”

Consequences of people-pleasing

Clayton makes clear that being a “people pleaser” 24/7 has no upside. “Continually attempting to ‘look good’ in other people’s eyes comes with a high price: Chronic fawning means you lose yourself, and that can take a serious toll on your emotional well-being and is associated with anxiety and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).”

So, if you are a fawner, what price do you pay? According to Clayton, the list includes:

• Saying “no” can be virtually impossible, as you are unable to set boundaries to requests.

• You put yourself last and the needs of others first. This eventually eats at you.

• You avoid conflict at all costs, allowing small issues to grow massively.

• As people take advantage of your apparent “yes” to all requests, you become resentful.

How friends, family and coworkers can help

I asked Clayton, “What approach can friends, family and coworkers take that might help?” She had these suggestions on what to say:

• “I’ve noticed you’re bending over backward to keep the peace with so-and-so. Are you doing okay?”

• “It seems like you’re carrying a lot of weight around here. Do you feel like you have to?”

• “Is there any way I can support you?”

“These aren’t confrontational statements,” Clayton adds. “They offer care, awareness and can help the fawner begin to reconnect with their own values and boundaries. The key is to validate their survival instinct while inviting reflection: ‘You’re doing what you need to do to get through this.’ And, ‘what do you need to feel more like you at work again?'”

After reading Fawning, I couldn’t help but think, “I wish I’d known this when I was in law school.”

Dennis Beaver Practices law in Bakersfield and welcomes comments and questions from readers,
which may be faxed to (661) 323-7993,
or e-mailed to Lagombeaver1 – at – Gmail.com.

The post Are You a Doormat at Work? The Hidden Cost of Excessive People-Pleasing appeared first on Dennis Beaver.

If you were to ask just about any business owner if their employees should receive equal pay for equal work or could be paid differently, based on gender, race, color, religion, and national origin, I’m certain that most would reply, “What are you talking about? Equal pay for equal work is the law. If I respect this concept of equal pay for equal work, I’m good, right?”

Well, not so fast.

Employers today are facing pay concepts that could upset the apple cart in many organizations. Recently, several states enacted Pay Transparency laws requiring companies to be open about compensation for current and prospective employees.

Companies may share compensation information, including how salaries are determined, ranges, and even individual employee pay. But they must not conspire with other companies in the same field to keep wages low.

“Today, a lot more has been added to the concept of equal pay for equal work,” observes Northern California employment attorney and author, Heather Bussing, “that, if not understood by employers, can lead to an unpleasant work environment at the least, and potentially expensive litigation at worst.”

She and co-author Kent Plunkett in Get Pay Right – How to Achieve Pay Equity that Works, provide employers with an easily accessible approach to meeting today’s requirements on employee compensation. The concept is known as pay equity and goes beyond equal pay for equal work, the law since 1963.

In a nutshell, individuals should be compensated fairly and impartially for their work regardless of factors such as gender, race, ethnicity, or other characteristics unrelated to job performance.

Sounds simple. Right?

A Variant of Teacher’s Pet

“A worrisome issue labor lawyers often find is the employer who pays people they like more and not based on their work or the value they bring to the organization,” Bussing points out.

“When others who aren’t teacher’s pets, realize this–doing exactly what they’ve been asked to do, and maybe even better, but they’re not paid fairly for it, bad stuff often starts to happen.

“They grumble. There is unrest. No employee wants to be treated unfairly, and so they focus on how they’re being treated at the workplace rather than their work. Productivity suffers, your customers suffer, and as time goes on you lose employees. And then you’re out of business. So, it is in a business owner’s best interest to pay all employees fairly.”

But what does that mean? How do you determine what is fair?

The Economic Value of Work

“We look at the relative importance of the work–the value employees contribute to an organization and its success,” Bussing says.

“For example, salespeople are some of the highest paid, having the most direct connection to revenue. They need people who create the products, marketing colleagues who make customers aware of the products, and administrative assistants who keep everything going in the organization.

“Often we overlook the value of the work brought to the organization by employees in their individual capacities – the value of each and their work in the chain of creation,” she underscores.

Are We Paying Our People Fairly? – The Pay Equity Audit

How can an employer know if compensation is fair to everyone and avoid being sued for discriminatory pay practices? Get Pay Right gives us a by-the-numbers approach, and Bussing notes, “It’s a lot like trying to figure out how to compare houses, but instead of bedrooms, bathrooms, and square feet, we look at skills, effort, responsibility, and working conditions.”

What companies should do

She recommends that employers should value the work, not the people doing it.

Establish each worker’s expected skills, their level of effort required, responsibilities and working conditions. Study the market and learn what people in related jobs are making.

At this point, the authors recommend: “Group comparable jobs and run a statistical analysis to see where pay gaps are and whether they correlate to race or gender — whether women and people of color are making less for the same work.”

With pay gaps identified, “Determine if there is a business reason for why those people make less than others doing similar work, such as having less experience or tenure. Sometimes the person making more has special skills that justify the additional pay.”

Doing a pay equity audit will tell you where the outliers on pay are and whether there is a statistical correlation to race or gender.

Concluding our interview, Bussing notes that, “Pay equity laws apply to all employers regardless of size. Companies with at least 100 employees should do regular pay audits, which can be accomplished with specialized software.”

Bussing is a lawyer who never gave up her goal of changing the world for the better. She is all about fairness. Get Pay Right shows employers how to achieve it when determining pay and keeping themselves out of trouble.

Dennis Beaver Practices law in Bakersfield and welcomes comments and questions from readers,
which may be faxed to (661) 323-7993,
or e-mailed to Lagombeaver1 – at – Gmail.com.

The post Are you paying your employees correctly? appeared first on Dennis Beaver.

We’ve all seen news stories where giant swarms of locusts descend on farmers’ fields and within minutes decimate their crops.

But, did you know there is a human version?

That’s right, human “locusts” devouring plate after plate, tray after tray of expensive food items at all-you-can-eat buffet restaurants, in quantities most people would consider unreasonable, and spending hours in pure gluttony.

The justification? “Well, it’s all-you-can-eat, so I’m getting my money’s worth and trying to break the buffet.”

YouTube has dozens of videos showing customers — who have annihilated trays of lobster, prime rib, sushi and other expensive proteins — with long, sad faces, seemingly shocked that the restaurant would cut them off, asking: Can they kick me out of an all-you-can-eat buffet for eating too much?

“We Are Competitive Eaters”

On Tuesday afternoon, Dec. 31, 2024, I received an urgent request to accept a WhatsApp video call from “A reader with a serious legal question.” I agreed, and at once was greeted by folks in an all-you-can-eat buffet restaurant.

“Janine” explained that she and her five friends were warming up for a competitive eating contest at a buffet restaurant. “We each pay for the buffet and then practice eating as much as we can.”

When I asked if they explained their purpose in being there before paying, she replied in an arrogant, entitled, emphatic tone of voice; “No! Why should we?”

Their camera operator sent me real time video of what I can only describe as human vacuum cleaners devouring plate after plate of expensive meat and seafood items: enormous amounts of lobster, crab, and pounds of prime rib.

They were all laughing. I wasn’t.

It reminded me of YouTube Halloween Ring Camera videos of adults with face-masks in ill-fitting costumes emptying entire bowls of candy — intended for kids — into bags and running away: Pure theft.

To me, these competitive eaters were ripping off the restaurant. The owner, on camera, said, “Stop! This isn’t the Las Vegas Bellagio buffet. What you are doing would be wrong there, but this is our family’s livelihood. You are taking so much that my customers have nothing. Get out!”

“I read your column. You help people. This is an AYCE restaurant! Can he do this?” Janine asked. Her attempted innocence and victimization didn’t fool me.

“Janine, in my legal opinion, yes, but lawyers have differing opinions. To be safe, I recommend leaving the restaurant immediately.”

Not Risk Free

Competitive eating, consuming as much as you can, as fast as you can, within a given period of time, is big business. While beyond the space limits of this article, it is important to be aware there have been several deaths during these events, as well as long term health consequences.

Also, there is a moral issue involved here.

In 2023, 13.5% of U.S. households were food insecure, having difficulty providing enough food for their members due to a lack of resources. Author Jane Oliver eloquently puts it this way:

“Competitive eating mocks struggles of the poor who worry about how to put any food on the table to feed themselves and their children. How disrespectful it is for those suffering from malnutrition in famine or drought-stricken regions to see such blatant, unnecessary gorging for the sake of ‘sport.’ These contestants make a game out of stuffing themselves to sickening levels while almost one billion don’t even have access to enough calories”

Legally, can you be kicked out?

“I could not find this issue adjudicated,” Los Angeles-based, Loyola Law School contracts law professor, Bryan Hull says, and suggests, “management should have a time limit, or language that would spell out the terms so that customers know what they are getting into. A restaurant could refuse to serve someone who has abused the system. If they sued, the damages, if any, would likely be the cost of the buffet.”

Fair Dealing and Reasonableness

I discussed this issue with New York-based attorney Catherine Pastrikos Kelly. She has written extensively on the legal issues raised in implied contracts:

“Going to a restaurant and paying for food is an implied contract, and like all contracts, there is a duty of good faith and fair dealing. This means acting in a reasonable manner.

At a buffet, even an all-you-can-eat buffet, a customer would be expected to eat what a person would reasonably eat at one meal.

“For example, it would not mean eating 30 to 40 lobsters or multiple trays of food or practice for an eating competition, for that is not what a reasonable person would do. In situations where the customer is acting outside the scope of what a reasonable person would do, management would be well within their rights to make them stop, or pay extra, and potentially, to leave the premises.”

So a sign that says “all you can eat” doesn’t mean we get to abandon all logic and human decency. Let’s enjoy ourselves within reason.

Dennis Beaver Practices law in Bakersfield and welcomes comments and questions from readers,
which may be faxed to (661) 323-7993,
or e-mailed to Lagombeaver1 – at – Gmail.com.

The post Can they kick you out of an AYCE restaurant for eating too much? appeared first on Dennis Beaver.

Recently, I was invited to speak about navigating etiquette and work culture at the 2025 California State University Bakersfield Career Conference hosted by SHRM (Society for Human Resource Management). I’ll be presenting alongside Dr. Luis Vega, a friend of this column and dean of Social Sciences and Education. I’d also like to give a shoutout to CSUB students Kimberly Mitchell and Sarah Varela for welcoming me to the conference.

When I asked several HR consultants and hiring managers from across the country for suggestions on what to tell students, the overwhelming response was: What comes first is getting hired. They all shared some of the things they might consider when interviewing prospective job candidates.

Repeatedly, I heard that the actions that will help or hinder an applicant from getting the job are often the same behaviors that lead to success or failure at work — getting along and being polite to one another, both of which go to the very heart of etiquette and work culture.

On condition of anonymity, the HR professionals agreed to share with me how they size up job applicants, sometimes being quite blunt about the reality of job interviews today.

1. First impressions really do matter

Your tattoos, piercings and hairstyle can have an impact on whether a hiring manager will consider giving you a job. Depending on the role and the employee’s contact with customers, many employers do not care if you have visible tattoos as long as they are not offensive.

Every hiring manager I spoke with said they were turned off by certain piercings and inappropriate tattoos. They all said that if someone shows up with piercings (beyond the usual ear piercings), it is an automatic no.

Bottom line: If the job requires in-person contact with the public, the HR pros said employers will skip hiring someone whose appearance makes them seem unapproachable.

Also, if you show up to the job interview in, say, shorts and a T-shirt, you likely will not get hired. By taking care to dress professionally, you’re showing that you respect the interviewer and your potential employer.

Similarly, once you’re hired, if you will not respect company dress codes — for instance, insisting on dressing in an inappropriate way on the job — you will not stay employed. “Being yourself” is fine, but you still have to follow the rules.

2. Your actions during the interview are especially important

If you lack enthusiasm for the position you’re interviewing for or don’t thank the interviewer for seeing you, that can indicate you do not want to be there.

You should also be sure to ask the interviewer questions, such as:

What do you like most about working here?
What do you expect from a person in this position in the first 60 to 90 days?
This shows the hiring manager that you have a healthy dose of curiosity and will be able to communicate well with coworkers and management.

Maybe it shouldn’t even need to be said, but don’t talk back to the interviewer or give the impression that you think you’re running the interview.

Don’t say things like:

Why are you asking me this? Don’t you need someone, anyone, right now?
It’s just a receptionist position, so why do I need to have my tattoos covered?
How I dress doesn’t matter — I’ll be behind a computer, so no one is going to see me.
You are correct: With that kind of attitude, no one will ever see you.

3. Your online presence gets a look

Through a Google search, some interviewers will become aware of information about you such as your political views, the church you attend, who you hang out with and other issues based on your photos, chats and videos.

Some states have strict rules against hiring managers accessing this information without signed consent from the applicant, but sometimes it happens anyway. If something disqualifying is discovered, the hiring manager should disclose it to the applicant and give them the opportunity to explain. Should does not mean that this process is definitely followed.

Depending on the job and risks to the employer, employees and the public, some hiring managers feel a background check should be required. What the applicant posts online is a gateway into their mindset.

4. Worth repeating: Your social media can work against you

Once you put something online, it is out there and stays there. Be sure that your profile is set to private, but it’d be better to simply not disclose your passion about social/political issues.

If it is something you might not want a future employer to see, don’t post it. Ask yourself, “How could this hurt me months or years down the road?”

Also, don’t share information about your club memberships or special interests. The professionals I talked with noted that that info might make a hiring manager think, “Now I am aware they are in a protected class or activity, and I am not taking chances.”

Good hiring managers won’t let that info affect their decisions, but it can and does happen.

5. Your actions before the interview matter, too

The people who are not part of the interview process can still provide valuable feedback to the hiring manager. How you treat, say, the person who arranges your travel to the interview can, and likely will, get back to the hiring manager.

If you’re a jerk to the person at Reception when you check in for the interview, they might tell the interviewer, “This guy was rude to me. I am not sure he would be a good fit here.”

6. Asking the following things can turn off hiring managers

What’s the work-life balance? Instead of asking about this in your interview, research the company’s policies by visiting its website to find out if it offers such perks as flexible work hours and remote work. You can also read employees’ reviews about working at the company on sites like Glassdoor and Indeed.
If I have obligations outside of work — family or personal — can I leave work early? Asking this tells the employer that you might have too many demands outside of work that could interfere with you getting your job done. It gives the impression that you are entitled and expect the employer to work around your needs.

Some final notes

The HR professionals noted that even if you do everything right in the job interview and have the skills to do the job, you might not get hired because of profiling. People are human and have biases. They might have had a personal experience with the applicant or someone whom the applicant reminds them of, leading them to feel that, because of their past experience, this person might not be a good fit. Fair? No. But it’s human nature, though good hiring managers will genuinely try not to let their biases affect their decisions.

Also, the HR professionals noted that most companies aren’t in the business of handholding. Once you’re hired, do not expect your employer to provide nurturing or wellness. Employers are not responsible for your happiness. If you’re not happy with your life in general, you should explore options outside of work to resolve those issues.

Each of the people I interviewed had similar closing advice for what to do in job interviews: You should focus on what you bring to the table — your knowledge, skills and ability.

Dennis Beaver Practices law in Bakersfield and welcomes comments and questions from readers,
which may be faxed to (661) 323-7993,
or e-mailed to Lagombeaver1 – at – Gmail.com.

The post College Grads: This Is What Hiring Managers Are Thinking (But Won’t Admit) appeared first on Dennis Beaver.

Update: California Fish Grill has let us know that they have tweaked their menu options. Their note is included at the bottom of this article.

Today’s story will be of special interest to people who have some of the most difficult and often highly frustrating jobs — restaurant servers.

When a customer orders “fish and chips,” what should be on the plate?

The answer for most people: enticing pieces of battered fish filets and French fries, right?

Well, one seafood chain restaurant is defying expectations — and not in a good way.

Imagine you have years of experience in hospitality, and this is your first day at a restaurant that specializes in seafood dishes. You were warned by coworkers that how one item on the menu is served has angered guests because, by default, it does not come the way most customers would anticipate.

When ordered at the counter, it does not automatically come with fries, your coworker says. The menu — posted on a wall — says ‘Fish and Chips,’ but it fails to state that unless fries are selected as a side (at no extra cost), it will be served without them.”

A call from upset customers

On a recent Sunday afternoon, a few of my older readers who had just left a Southern California location of this “sustainable seafood” restaurant called me. “Several of us ordered fish and chips, with vegetable sides,” one said, on speaker, “and we wound up feeling like we’d been victims of misrepresentation.

“No one had ever heard of fish and chips being served without fries, but that is what we got. Our embarrassed server admitted this creates a great deal of confusion and upsets customers.”

Another said, “This is like ordering spaghetti and meatballs, bacon and eggs, biscuits and gravy, peanut butter and jelly or any recognized dish that has two or more components, but you get only half of it.”

I called several locations to confirm this

After I did some online research, it was clear this was not a unique situation. To confirm it was a widespread practice, I phoned several California Fish Grill locations around the country and asked, “When I order fish and chips at the counter, what does it come with?”

Answers varied, including:

• “Unless you specify fries from a choice of sides, you won’t get them.”

• “Your fish will be on a bed of salad.”

• “The fish will be on a bed of fries.”

• “You’ll get just fish by itself if you do not select a side.”

“OK,” I said each time, “how do I know that I have to select fries from the sides (in order to get the chips part of the meal)?”

The answer: You won’t unless you’re told, and you might not be informed.

Interestingly, one highly insightful employee said, “You sound like a reporter or a lawyer. If you are, may I call you back?”

I agreed, and he did return my call, at which time he raised other aspects of this craziness. (He requested anonymity for fear of reprisal.)

“Being a server is tough enough without the employer creating a situation where unhappy customers yell at you,” he said. “I am attending law school and wonder if they have ever heard of a toxic workplace suit or a class action, because that is what they are risking.”

He is correct.

The company’s response

I phoned California Fish Grill’s Southern California headquarters and was referred to a very friendly employee in the marketing department who asked that her name not be used, and I always respect such requests.

“Fries automatically come with the child’s plate,” she pointed out. “Guests may select (fries) from a list of sides, and if you place your order from a kiosk, then automatically (the fish and chips) come with fries.”

Somewhat mixed messages, right? And this practice doesn’t take into account research showing that younger customers are more apt to use kiosks to order food, while older people in general say they feel rushed or confused while using a kiosk and prefer human contact.

She had no explanation for why fries were not automatically part of every fish-and-chips order. She said “someone higher up” in the restaurant chain would call me. I am still waiting.

Would this be a violation of truth-in-menu laws?

I ran my reader’s situation by Minneapolis business attorney Aaron Hall, who has written extensively about truth-in-menu laws. His first response was, “Dennis, are you kidding me? Is this for real? No way!

“Truth-in-menu laws are intended to prevent deceptive marketing, protect consumers from fraud and promote fair competition within the food industry,” he underscored. “Violations can result in fines, business penalties and reputational harm.

“Restaurants are required to serve what is listed on the menu. Items that have two or more components — such as fish and chips, spaghetti and meatballs, biscuits and gravy — must contain the stated components.

“A restaurant whose menu lists fish and chips, but when served, by default, comes without the French fries unless a customer specifically orders them would be deceptive and subject to civil lawsuits and potential criminal penalties, depending upon the jurisdiction.”

Stephen Barth, attorney and professor at the Conrad N. Hilton College of Hotel and Restaurant Management at the University of Houston, had a two-word reply to my question: “How would you describe this nonsense?”

“Rather deceptive,” he said.

A class-action superior court judge’s opinion

A longtime friend of this column, California Superior Court judge “Tony,” who has presided over class-action lawsuits, commented, “Not only misleading, (but it) could amount to false advertising and also would be considered as unfair competition. If the economics worked out, we could be looking at a class action. This is an insult to customers.”

Finally, one comment sums up this craziness, from Las Vegas-based Eric Barth (Stephen’s brother), who designs restaurants and food halls. “I don’t understand what they are accomplishing by this. The confusion alone when guests are served probably makes the service team and management crazy. Sometimes people in my business never fail to amaze me.”

What you can do if you encounter an issue like this

If you are missing an item from a restaurant meal that you feel should have been included (such as the “chips” portion of “fish and chips,” here’s what you can do:

• First, don’t take out your frustration on the servers. They only work there.

• Do not eat the food until the issue is addressed. If the server claims the item is an extra charge, politely point out that it is shown on the menu, which implies its inclusion. A reputable restaurant should provide it at no extra cost to maintain good customer relations.

• If the server insists on charging extra, ask to speak with the manager or owner. Most will try to resolve the issue to ensure customer satisfaction and avoid negative reviews or complaints about false advertising.

• You are not obligated to pay for an order that was not as described or to which you did not agree. A reasonable approach is to pay for what you did consume and deduct the price of what was missing.

After all of this, I feel it’s important to point out that California Fish Grill has earned the praise many customers give it. Aside from this fish-and-chips controversy, the restaurant’s food is excellent. In fact, it has become part of our weekend routine: California Fish Grill for lunch, followed by a visit to Aldi.

Let’s just hope that management wakes up before local district attorneys and state attorneys general wake them up.

The California Fish Grill team responds:

“Thank you for bringing this to our attention. Our goal is to always provide as many choices as we can for our guests, but it appears that with our Fish and Chips, our customization options have inadvertently caused some confusion.

“We really want to clear this up, just like our Grilled Plates & Taco Combos, our Fish and Chips have always been offered with two sides. Our Fish and Chips have historically been offered with French fries and kaleslaw, but both sides can be swapped out for other choices if a guest chooses to do so.

“As mentioned, we can see how this can be misinterpreted, so we’re making a few simple changes. Our Fish and Chips now come standard with French fries and a choice of one additional side. As you point out, you expect Fish and Chips to have French fries, so this option will not be modifiable.

“If a guest is not a fan of French fries, they can order a soon-to-be-offered “Battered Fish” dish where they are able to choose any two sides so that everyone can make their meal exactly how they want.

“We hope this will bring clarity, while still allowing our guests the flexibility and options they love.”

Dennis Beaver Practices law in Bakersfield and welcomes comments and questions from readers,
which may be faxed to (661) 323-7993,
or e-mailed to Lagombeaver1 – at – Gmail.com.

The post Fish and Chips? More Like Fish and a Side of Customer Confusion and Anger appeared first on Dennis Beaver.

“Many workplace issues that become unpleasant legal matters can be traced to questions that were not asked and complaints voiced by employees that were not explored,” says Marinor Ifurung, HR consultant with the Southern California-based law firm Klein DeNatale Goldner. “Out of fear or not knowing how to approach the problem, so often those of us in the HR world see the consequences of management walking on eggshells (because they) lack curiosity about what went wrong. It would be nice is there was a by-the-numbers guide to help restore healthier communication on the job.”

Author Jeff Wetzler agrees: “Marinor is right. Too often, we don’t find out what’s truly on others’ hearts and minds because we don’t know how to ask the right questions in the right ways. And that was my motivation for writing Ask, developing The Ask Approach.”

This communications guidebook is so needed at this time in our history, and author Wetzler is a recognized expert in adult learning and leadership development.

Wetzler divided Ask into three sections:

What people don’t tell you, why and the consequences
What do we do about it?
How to tap into what people are thinking and feeling and not telling you

When we talked, Wetzler listed the top ways that open, honest dialogue can become frustrated:

We don’t find out what the people around us are really struggling with, what they’re up against, what’s hard for them and what’s challenging.

The reason is they don’t feel safe telling the truth. “They’re worried that by revealing their struggles they would be thought of as incompetent, blamed and possibly fired,” Wetzler points out. “However, when management creates an environment of psychological safety, the entire organization benefits from necessary feedback — hearing the good and bad news.”

Actual opinions are not revealed, especially if they’re controversial and the person believes their opinion is unpopular.

Employees hold back what they really think. For example, a teammate may bite their tongue about a problem they see with a project because they worry what they have to say will upset others or make their jobs more challenging before a tight deadline. How many costly business decisions have been reached because no one voiced their legitimate reservations? If something is wrong in a process or on a project, it’s better to flag that issue as soon as possible so it can be fixed rather than letting the problem snowball.

When we come across as demeaning, we will not be given feedback.

If you disparage family, friends and co-workers to others often enough, no one will feel comfortable telling you about that spinach stuck in your teeth even though you can do something about it. Don’t be a jerk.

People will not tell us their best ideas for positive change in an atmosphere that discourages new ideas. The costs are often significant.

Think of the gold mine of insight — a wealth of collective intelligence — that is often suppressed, leading to poor decisions or failing to see the fatal flaw in plans because no one spoke up. “When someone is not telling us something because they don’t think we’re interested,” Wetzler says, “we don’t grow and learn, don’t raise our own game, as their ideas and feedback remain locked away.”

Bosses should open up first

So, how do we get people to open up and not fear embarrassment or worse? Wetzler outlines this approach: “Psychological safety is the first step in getting people to open up. We do this by opening up first, explaining, ‘I am really struggling with this, and perhaps you know something that can help me understand the problem better.’” That way, you are asking for the other person’s help. “It is important to let them know that you can handle tough feedback,” Wettzler adds. “This shows your resilience and opens the door for them to tell you what you need to hear.”

In four steps, The Ask Approach basically taps into what other people are thinking and feeling and not telling you:

1. Choose curiosity. Ask yourself, “What can I learn from this person?” There is always something more we can learn.

2. Pose quality, open-ended questions that help us learn something important:
– What’s going on here from your perspective?
– Do you know what happened?
– What might I have been missing?

3. Listen to learn. We need to listen not just for the words, but also for the emotion that’s going on in the conversation and the actions that people are taking. Are they pushing back? Are they agreeing? Are they asking for you to tell them more?

4. Paraphrase and provide feedback. Ask, “Did I understand that correctly? If not, please correct me.”

This could be the best management book you’ll ever read

In my law practice, I’ve seen so many legal disputes that are the fruit of people simply not knowing how to talk with each other, assuming facts that, as we say in court, “are not supported by the evidence.” In Ask, Wetzler takes us by the hand, and we walk down a path that brings us together. It is an important read for those of us who are frustrated with all the yelling and not enough listening.

Dennis Beaver Practices law in Bakersfield and welcomes comments and questions from readers,
which may be faxed to (661) 323-7993,
or e-mailed to Lagombeaver1 – at – Gmail.com.

The post How to Get Employees to Tell You Like It Is appeared first on Dennis Beaver.

August 18, 2026  • By Dennis Beaver

Today’s column could save you not only money, but grief when dealing with a landlord and their property managers who might care little about respecting state laws that require rental units be habitable.

While the events described here concern an alleged California slumlord-on-steroids family, these creeps are found all over the country. Over the years, you can’t imagine the calls I get from tenants whose basic rights to a habitable rental unit are ignored.

When I call their landlord or management company, instead of a businesslike response — “Yes, we will look into it” — I often hear the equivalent of, “Go pound sand.”

Sadly, the crooks get away with ripping off tenant after tenant because the tenants are frequently unaware of their rights in every state and are either naïve or feel unable to speak up and just walk away before handing over their first month’s rent and security deposit.

That description fits 23-year-old “Sandy,” who rented an apartment in Bakersfield, California, just a few blocks from my office. She filled out a detailed rental application, so the local property managers — just like property managers everywhere — knew a great deal about her.

But she knew nothing about her landlord or that she was about to step onto the dance floor with Mike Nijjar and PAMA Management, whom California Attorney General Rob Bonta has accused of breaking housing laws.

Bonta’s lawsuit says Nijjar and others “exploited vulnerable families” while owning and managing more than 22,000 low-income apartments throughout California.

Violations include subjecting tenants to vermin, sewage leaks, broken security gates, illegal contracts, rent hikes and much more stomach-turning behavior.

A simple Google search

If Sandy had simply Googled the apartment’s address, she would have found this massive lawsuit that alleges “rather than provide their tenants — primarily low-income families — with the basic package of housing goods the law requires, the Nijjar Companies rent out unsafe and uninhabitable units, disregard tenants’ requests for repairs and fail to eradicate pests, inflicting harm and anguish on tenants.” You can read more about the case here.

Sandy could easily have learned that the vermin- and cockroach-infested apartments described in the lawsuit, BBB reviews and elsewhere online would be exactly what she was getting. She would have found — as I did — that the local property managers were precisely as described in the BBB reviews and complaints — the very same people.

Like residential and many commercial tenants everywhere, it never occurred to her to spend a few minutes researching her landlord to learn if they had been sued and for what.

Not allowed to do a walk-through

Sandy told me she and her mother saw an advertisement for a “nice, clean, ready-to-move-into” apartment in downtown Bakersfield owned by Equity Management. State filings and legal actions by the California Department of Justice report that Equity Management is an alias used under the property portfolio managed by Nijjar (Nijjar Realty/PAMA Management) in El Monte, California, and is part of the lawsuit referred to above.

I should point out that the attorney general’s lawsuit lists 93 separate entities — a massive “hide the ball” move commonly used to isolate actual owners behind various shell companies and partnerships.

Sandy went to the apartment’s address, met “Jasmine,” the resident manager, and:

• Filled out a rental application.

• Signed a rental agreement and handed Jasmine $2,300 in money orders prior to actually doing a walk-through of the apartment. “I was not allowed to go into the apartment until I paid the money,” she told me.

• The following day, she said, “I was allowed in, only to find hundreds of cockroaches everywhere.”

• Sandy spoke with a resident in an adjacent apartment who related the same, ongoing problems.

• Jasmine placed cockroach bombs in Sandy’s apartment, but they had little impact.

Sandy never moved into the apartment. She and her mother were referred to me for help.

It would not take much time before the extent of the accusations against this operation would become clear.

And now the runaround begins

After I talked with Sandy, I phoned Jasmine. She seemed to have great difficulty in recalling the cockroach problem, but she confirmed that Sandy did not actually move into the apartment.

When I told her that, given these habitability conditions that clearly violated California law, Sandy is owed a complete refund of the money Jasmine collected from her, she referred me to “Beth” at the Bakersfield head office.

“You can call them, but next week, because they only answer the phone Wednesday to Friday from 11 a.m. to 1 p.m.,” she said, giving me the phone number in a tone that I interpreted as, This isn’t my first rodeo. I know how to deal with people like you.

I did not wait until the next week. I called the number right away, and a receptionist answered, “Equity Management.” I asked for Beth and was immediately connected. I explained why I was calling and asked her to refund Sandy’s money, and she promised to call me back within 10 minutes.

Sandy blows her chance of getting her money back

I told Sandy to immediately go to Beth’s office with her mom and insist on a refund. That was the moment to at least try, or she would have to sue them in small claims court. After not hearing back from her, I called her later in the day.

“Oh, I had to take my kids to get their immunizations for school,” was her excuse.

Hearing that, I was not kind. “You had weeks to do that. Life is a great teacher. Perhaps one day you will develop the courage to stand up for yourself. Good luck.”

The moral of today’s story: Before you sign a lease or give a landlord or property manager any money, you need to discover as much as you can about who owns and manages the rental unit.

This includes entering the landlord/property manager’s name on Yelp and the Better Business Bureau website — pay particular attention to the one-star reviews. Also, Google the landlord’s and/or property manager’s name along with “complaints against” and “lawsuits.”

Dennis Beaver Practices law in Bakersfield and welcomes comments and questions from readers,
which may be faxed to (661) 323-7993,
or e-mailed to Lagombeaver1 – at – Gmail.com.

The post How to Spot a Bad Landlord Before You Hand Over Your Hard-Earned Money appeared first on Dennis Beaver.

“Mr. Beaver, everyone has heard the saying ‘(the love of) money is the root of all evil.’ In our small business and at home, that statement is so true, as money is messing up our lives,” wrote “Bart” in his email. “My wife and I, as well as our three teenage sons, work in my father’s brake and muffler shops. Both my mom’s and dad’s families experienced the Great Depression of the 1930s. Dad is constantly worried about not having enough money and is frugal, bordering on miserly, despite being a millionaire.

“Mom — and my wife — are polar opposites of Dad with their overspending, showering the boys with things that make the ladies happy, while sending the wrong message to our sons. I do not want our kids to let money issues damage their lives, as I have seen it do to several of our friends, but no one listens to me when I point out how messed up we are. Is there some book that deals with these issues I can have everyone read?”

Bart’s question came in at the right time, as I had just finished reading a book that is so on point with his questions. Written by financial planner Elizabeth Husserl, The Power of Enough: Finding Joy in Your Relationship with Money is a valuable read, especially for families with kids in high school, college and just starting out in life.

The ‘DNA of scarcity’ makes money the scapegoat

When I explained Bart’s situation to Husserl, she said, “Your reader is describing his father’s financial DNA of scarcity — of money, food or shelter — experienced by people who have gone through war, famine, persecution and financial collapse.”

This scarcity becomes a scapegoat for two reasons, according to Husserl:

Behavioral problems. Extreme frugality, to the point of being perceived as miserly, is a result of one’s financial DNA, as a parent’s attitude toward money and wealth is often passed along to following generations even when the reason for that fear of scarcity no longer exists.

“This mindset results in a form of mental hoarding, where wealth is trapped through excessive frugality, preventing us from experiencing the freedom and joy it offers,” she said. “Instead, there is an obsession with compound interest, saving and investing, just to accumulate, to see it on our spreadsheets. As in Bart’s family, some rebel and become spenders.

Damaged relationships. It’s common for children of overly stingy parents to rebel by spending excessively, as if there’s no tomorrow. Feeling unnecessarily deprived in childhood, they make money the scapegoat and often “shower their children” with gifts to compensate. However, this can unintentionally deprive their kids of learning how to fulfill their needs in meaningful, non-monetary ways.

“You can easily wind up raising an entitled, spoiled child who is headed to failure as an adult with money, spending and responsibility issues,” Husserl notes.

Business owners often fail to enjoy the money they’ve earned

One message that resounds in The Power of Enough applies specifically to business owners and many professionals, especially to members of my occupation, and that is failing to translate business wealth into personal wealth. Three words sum it up nicely: More is less.

“One of the saddest things financial advisers so often see are business owners unable to translate business wealth to personal wealth,” Husserl observes. “They are elated as the business is growing, growing, growing, yet they don’t take capital off the table to enjoy today by investing in time with their family.

“So they get stuck, unable to walk away from their job for an appropriate interval, always on, forgetting or feeling guilty if they do pause, recalibrate and redistribute. It comes at the expense of not only enjoying their money in the present moment, but enjoying their time, and ‘Oh my gosh. What happened? Eighteen years passed, my kid graduated, and now I’m ready to retire. But they’re out of the house. Are they only going to remember me as a super workaholic parent?’”

If some of this sounds familiar — perhaps in your family, or with someone you know — go online and find the 1970s Harry Chapin song “Cat’s in the Cradle.” Ask yourself, “Do these lyrics make you wonder if your time with family is slipping away?”

I know several lawyers whose inability or unwillingness to put family before all else cost them more than one divorce and messed up their kids. They felt cheated by life and law practice, especially in Big Law, where it is all about the law firm — birthdays, anniversaries and all the other events that occur over a year and bring family together are considered secondary.

The need to talk about money

Husserl says discussing money and attitudes toward money is critical to developing a healthy relationship to money in a marriage and family. “There are often signs early on if that person is honest where money is concerned. If they admit to maxing out credit cards and using one to pay the other, something’s wrong, and unless dealt with, if this continues into marriage, the foundation for a divorce has already been poured.”

The Power of Enough is a uniquely accessible road map to the enjoyment of money and what it can bring. Written by a seasoned financial adviser who has seen the results of how mismanaged money can lead to mismanaged lives, this is one highly valuable read.

Dennis Beaver Practices law in Bakersfield and welcomes comments and questions from readers,
which may be faxed to (661) 323-7993,
or e-mailed to Lagombeaver1 – at – Gmail.com.

The post Is Money Messing Up Your Family’s Life? appeared first on Dennis Beaver.

July 20, 2026  • By Dennis Beaver

One of the ways credit card companies, airlines and other businesses build loyalty and keep us coming back is through rewards points that can be applied to future purchases.

The terms and conditions for these loyalty points tend to be multiple pages, highly confusing and often disguise nasty surprises in language that even lawyers have difficulty making sense of. Several have been criticized as being unfair and little more than a bait-and-switch.

But what one company did to the widow of a loyal customer highlights a lack of care, compassion and common sense that others can learn from. We’re not naming the company, as the situation could very well have been an outlier, but it’s a useful lesson for management in what not to do.

An escape from the world of chronic kidney disease

Reader “Anna” described the love “Dallas” had for this particular company’s products, starting when he was a child. “He loved (them) even more after we got married. Born with failing kidneys, he found it a helpful activity when he was undergoing dialysis treatments.”

Anna said he spent his many loyalty points on products that made him so happy, and toward the final stages of his illness, they worked together on a project that would be the last one they finished together, right before he died.

“Today, I look at it with so much love. We knew each other since college and were married only three years. It was an honor being his wife.”

What happened to his loyalty points?

Anna knew his loyalty points account number and tried to use the points that remained to buy a gift for her father-in-law, but the company refused the transaction, saying, “Points expire after 18 months, and we sent (the account owner) notice of the impending loss.”

They did, indeed, send that notice to his email, after he died. “Due to his illness, I handled all of our financial affairs and never went into his email account,” she explained.

She sent a polite email to customer service, explaining that her husband had died and that, given he was a lifelong loyalty club member, would the company please reconsider and allow her to use his remaining points. On its website, the company acknowledges that it will waive the expiration period with good cause.

Anyone with compassion would consider Anna’s situation “good cause.”

A cold and heartless response

Company representative “Pamela” emailed Anna: “Very sorry to hear of the loss of your husband, but we cannot take any actions on the account except on behalf of the account owner.”

A friend of Anna referred her to me, and when I read that, I wondered what insensitive, heartless idiot would tell a widow that the company could deal only with her deceased husband? These are the types of blatant unfairness that motivate me.

I regularly reach out to the media contact personnel at large companies and ask them to please look into an issue. Now, suppose that you were the person I contacted about Anna’s situation. Wouldn’t you fact-check first, and then, knowing that expired points can be restored, wouldn’t you do that for Anna? Of course you would.

But not this company’s media rep. “Wendall” referred the matter to “Charles,” in his department, who called me. We both looked at Dallas’ obituary online, but instead of saying, “Sure, we need to make this right,” Charles did the bureaucratic thing and sent the matter back to customer service.

Days went by, proving that Pamela, Wendall and Charles had to have been standing behind the door the day common sense was handed out.

Finally, Anna received an email — not a phone call, because clearly, these three people have a problem with kind human interaction — from “Bill” in customer service stating that she would receive a gift card for the value of her husband’s points. A week later, it arrived. So at least they did that part right.

A business professor looks at the situation

I ran this by Lyle Sussman, professor emeritus in the College of Business at the University of Louisville and a friend of this column for many years. “Beav, this reminded me of my favorite example of customer service from hell. A few years ago, a bank manager required a thumbprint from a customer without arms.”

“Requiring authorization from a dead person is like requesting a thumbprint from someone who has no hands. It’s also the kind of Kafkaesque SOP (standard operating procedure) that sets the stage for social media backlash and a column by Dennis Beaver.

“This issue is a classic example of rigid SOP constraining common sense in customer service. The fact that a customer service manager finally did the right thing is a testament to someone in the chain of command saying something like, ‘Enough’s enough. Let’s stop being stupid!'”

With some loyalty programs, there are ways to prolong the life of your reward points. I’ll explain how to do this in a future story and show why companies just can’t wait for customers to forfeit their rewards.

Dennis Beaver Practices law in Bakersfield and welcomes comments and questions from readers,
which may be faxed to (661) 323-7993,
or e-mailed to Lagombeaver1 – at – Gmail.com.

The post Loyalty Points and a Widow’s Interaction with Customer Service: What Happens When a Company Forgets the Human Behind the Account appeared first on Dennis Beaver.

What do you think is the most dangerous season for drivers? Many of us would think, “Winter, of course, with snow and ice in many parts of the country.”

That’s what I thought, but was corrected by a longtime friend of this column, Sacramento, Calif.-based Sergeant Adam Barresi of the California Highway Patrol.

“Most people would choose winter,” Barresi says, “but statistically, summer months have more fatalities due to increased travel, higher speeds and more drivers on the road, including inexperienced teens.

“In the summer months, there are so many horrible accidents that result from neglected (vehicle) maintenance. If a part is aging or compromised, the extra stress of high temperatures can cause it to fail.”

As we are now in summer, it is worth asking: If an accident results from proven neglected maintenance, can the driver, as well as the vehicle’s owner, be held financially responsible?

That was “Jake’s” question.

Accidents waiting to happen

“Mr. Beaver, I am a driver for a small package delivery company that services a large area in the western United States. We bring food items to mini markets, parts to automotive repair shops, paper goods to schools and offices — if it is something that a driver can physically carry, we handle it.

“Our vans are older and small. Not all have air conditioning, and in those that do, it frequently doesn’t work. The owner’s son is now running the business and is a real cheapskate. When mechanical issues are brought to his attention, typically we hear, ‘Like your job? Then fix any small things yourself!’

“In reality, most of these vans are accidents waiting to happen, and we are worried about our personal responsibility. We live in a small town where not lots of jobs that pay this well are available, and so we keep quiet.

“But summer is here, and two vans had tire blowouts and tread separation, leading to one going off the road, but no one was hurt. The police found that the tire tread was below safety requirements, but, again, this is a small town, and they did nothing.

“Do you have any suggestions? Would drivers be liable for an accident if it were related to poor vehicle maintenance?”

Driver’s duty of care

It’s common sense that if we are going to get behind the wheel of a car or commercial vehicle, it needs to be in good and safe mechanical shape.

I can’t begin to tell you the number of heat-related vehicular accidents that our law firm handled over the years. When the clock struck summer, a spike in breakdowns/accidents occurred.

Someone was at fault — the owner and possibly the driver — by failing to properly maintain the vehicle with summer heat in mind. Extreme heat exploits existing weaknesses, and regular maintenance reduces the risk of heat-related breakdowns, including:

• Having underinflated, worn tires while driving on hot pavement increases the chance of a blowout.

• Fluid evaporation/degradation can lead to battery failure and an overheated engine.

• Hoses and belts that should have been replaced can fail due to the extra load put on them in extreme operating temperatures.

• If refrigerant is low or leaking in air conditioning systems, drivers could be left without AC when it’s the hottest, impairing their ability to drive safely due to excessive cabin heat.

What can happen when a vehicle fails in the heat?

It does not matter how new your car is, heat is a great enemy, and overlooked maintenance items that wouldn’t cause a problem any other time of the year can prove fatal in the summer heat.

Just ask any police officer who has seen the results of:

• Tire blowouts at high speeds that lead to multiple-vehicle accidents from swerving, going out of control, striking a pole or going down an embankment, injuring or even killing occupants.

• Loss of brakes on steep hills or congested roads.

• Rear-end collisions caused when an engine or transmission stalls or freezes.

When a car isn’t safe to drive and someone gets hurt because of it, it’s not just an accident — it’s negligence at least, and potentially willful, leading to punitive damages if something really bad happens.

What can employees do?

So, what can employees like Jake do if their employer neglects vehicle maintenance, creating unsafe working conditions? They can file a complaint with OSHA (Occupational Safety and Health Administration).

OSHA regulations require employers to provide a safe workplace, which includes maintaining vehicles in a safe operating condition.

Ideally, Jake and others should have a meeting with the boss and explain their concerns, but if it is futile to do so, then I would say, “File an anonymous complaint with OSHA.”

Also, consider dropping an anonymous note to the company’s workers’ compensation insurance carrier. A delivery van that is in not-so-good shape invites an accident, injuring employees and triggering workers’ compensation claims.

So a “thought you would like to know this” note should trigger an inspection and warning: Unless Uncle Miser maintains his vans, he could face much higher premiums or even cancellation.

Employers who don’t give a second thought to the welfare of their employees often pay a high price.

Dennis Beaver Practices law in Bakersfield and welcomes comments and questions from readers,
which may be faxed to (661) 323-7993,
or e-mailed to Lagombeaver1 – at – Gmail.com.

The post Neglecting Car Maintenance Could Cost You More Than a Repair, Especially in the Summer appeared first on Dennis Beaver.